Its suicide.I think i have stomachflu, or maybe its swineflu. Who gives a flying shit anyway?Im feeling at my lowest points now.. And apparently, those ahlians are making it worse.I shall not dwell on lame little girls who dont wanna grow up. As Qiyin might say,Aku takbuleh tahan kau. And its not my business, i shant be a nosey parker.I think this post is likely to be irrelevant to anyone and everyone out there but me.Dawn would just like to.. redeem her heart. Oh, whats worse? Wanting to cry and not being able to.. or being numb?Would someone just give me some pill or poison of some sort which would kill me immediately? That would numb the pain. Forever.And i would love for that to happen. I dont wanna die at 29 anymore. I wanna die now. Right now.I dont care if i never turn 16, if i never turn 18, if i never turn 21. I dont care if im still young, if i still have a forest of trees.Which i probably dont, looking at my qualities and stuff. Or maybe at the people of today, who have no heart minds souls and brains.Just give me some pill or something. Or shoot me with a gun. Or stab a knife through me. Or maybe even a hit and run.I dont know why it hurts so exceptionally much today, and whats worse the constant puking feeling and the fact that..I couldnt talk about it. Cause when the world's having their own problems, whats yours to them? Seriously.And anyway, i promised i wouldnt complain anymore. But im not okay. I seem okay, joking and being silly.C'mon. You think im okay? Its like a plastered smile, and you're telling me im okay? Or maybe not.You guys tell me he's a jerk, not worth it, he wasnt serious whatever whatever whatever. Hey guys, im not trying to be mean.But he was serious, he's not a jerk, and he is worth it. I know i sound like a fool, to get hurt like this and defend him.But screw it. I AM A FOOL. So whatever. Just.. at this point of time i wish i knew what to do.This breakup was so..sudden, so shocking and so painful. And he is so..irreplaceble. You know how you only find one tree that you like in a forest sometimes?Yea. Thats how i feel. And i truly felt this way. And thinking of all the words YOU, my dear boy, said when we were together.It all seems like just..words now. Have you found someone else to love? To say 'i love you' to? Have you found someone else to watch movies with and to hold? Have you found someone else to walk you home?Plus, everyone's finding their love. Whereas me? Losing mine. Why does this keep happening?Over and over and over again. Maybe its the fate of my family. My parents soon-to-be divorced, my sister breaking up with her 3year boyfriend.And me? Fated to be just like them. No doubt it runs in the hereditary line or some shit like that. Maybe im just thinking crap.Whatever. Im moodless. All i want to do now is cry. Oh wait. I cant. How incredibly wonderful.Just.. Take it back. Your words.. Your promises.. Your love. Take it all back. Just take it all back.You have no idea how much i love you. You have no freaking idea. You have no idea how much you've hurt me.You have no freaking idea.Im so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears.
And if you have to leave, i wish that you would just leave.
Your presence still lingers here, and it wont leave me alone.
These wounds wont seem to heal, this pain is just too real,
Theres just to much that time cannot erase.
You used to captivate me by your resonating light,
Now, im bounded by the life you've left behind.
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams, your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me.
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone,
But though you're still with me, i've been alone all along.
You've abandoned me with a broken heart left bleeding and dying.
Dearest you, were the words you said just..words?
