And you will live in my memories, forever more i swear.♥

profile entries tagboard links

♥HELL-OH. I think nailing jelly to the wall is easier than finding a good man!
Im out of this world, goofy and understated.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You make me happy, when skies are grey.
You'll never know how, how much i love you.
Please dont take my sunshine away.

Its just me♥

Dawn Suwanie.
Thirtieth May would be why.
Hey Monday, We The Kings, Ne-yo, Fall out boy, Nickelback, Lifehouse, Every Avenue & such, they rock!
Im melancholic, not emotional but sentimental and soft at heart.
Im very very very very insecure.
I have the sweetest friends and the wildest imagination.
I dont forget anyone easily, so you'll always be a part of me.
I am me, and i will always be.
Jellybeans and plastichearts remind me of you. ♥

Your typewriter♥

Sunday, May 31, 2009 @ 11:39 PM

Trauma and tragedy in the making.
Baby why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go? I was counting on forever. Now i'll never know.
It's like im looking from the distance, standing in the background. Everybody's saying he's not coming home now.
This cant be happening to me, this is just a dream. Just. A. Dream.
Well, i went for a food-tasting session at Matthews and his mom is really friendly. His food was not toxic, no worries.
Then, we left to meet Husband at DhobyGhaut. Went for some Jubeat arcade session then left with Mingquan to Sembawang.
Went for another arcade session and then left for dinner. Then walked to 354D's playground and played daidi.
And to my surprise, i won four times. Thrice in a row, then came in second, then won again. Thats a first, really.
Then i walked home listening to some retard throwing mean comments at his friend whilst playing GuitarHero.
I miss playing GuitarHero. ): Come to think of it, i miss alot of things. I miss playing RockFever too. D:
But i dont like RF5, and i cant find RF4. ]: I miss chilling with people. D: I miss heart to heart talks.
I miss being loved. ): I miss watching cartoons for the whole day. I miss having lunch with my family. ):
I miss my N70 ME. D: I miss my Motorola Vwhatever. I miss chilling with the ahbengs in Sembawang. ):
I miss A.
Omg. My life seems so depressing. No no no, its not depressing. [: Its just changing. Too much for me to handle.
Oh well. Anyway, Husband just posted something super sweet on her blog. [: Thank you, Husband. :D
Hm. Thinking alot right now.. Tell me what to do when you feel like dying. At 15. My gosh, im so negative.
Okay. Im happy. I really truly am. (:

No, it really doesnt matter anyway.

My dream has turned in cold, harsh reality.

Cold. Harsh. Reality.

@ 12:27 PM

I dont like my previous post. Its such a turn-off. Okay, im here to cover up! HAHA.
Well, actually, i have nothing to say at all. Just that service was pretty okay.
And that im meeting Matthew later and Isaac next week and watching Transformers with Adha.
And that im very confused and very hurt. Im obsessed and stressed with this mess,
I cant think of things to write down, to type down.
And these fingertips are moving faster than these lips. So you can only imagine how jealous my mouth is!
Whats a crush to doooooooooooooooo. HAHA. Alright, i'll edit this post later. Wo ai ni!
P.S. I cant speak chinese properly anymore.

@ 9:15 AM

Hey world. Im a really happy kid! Haha. Twas my birthday yesterday,

And i didnt celebrate or anything yesterday. But i'll post about how i celebrated my birthday.

Friday, last day of school. :D Caught Conspiracy with my sunshine,

Sunshine left, i went to town to get Valerie's present. :D After which,

I headed back to Sembawang and yaddayaddayadda, then to AdmiralBar.

We drank. [: Played pokerrrrrrrr, and all that crazy lil things. Twas a lil quiet.

Then, it hit 11.45. I went outside to prepare to call Valerie. And 0000 approached,

I was happily calling Valerie, whined when she didnt pick up. And.

Got dragged by my husband into the bar. HAHA. And when i went in,

There was a cake on the table with 6 candles, happy birthday playing over the speakers,

And i fell on the floor. HAHA. Grand entrance, much! Haha. Okay.

So i know who planned the whole thing. [: And i wanna tell her i love her to bits. :D

Many thanks to AngQiyin for making my birthday a celebrated one. :D Also, a special one. [: Alright, credits later.

Well, then she told me i couldnt eat with a fork. So either i eat myself, or she feeds me. Which one will YOU choose?

I chose to eat it myself. So i began to put it near my face.. A slice of the dubious chocolate cake.. And..

WHAM. It went straight in my face. Thank goodness it was chilled and not too much got on my face. So being me,

I took the cake.. And threw it at her. At Sunshine. And wiped the remaining chocolate on my hands at Alvin. HAHA.

(Sorry about it, twas oily. Heh.) Well, then after that, myself Alvin and Qiyin all got a little high.

I started playing 5, 10, 20 with Alvin. Hahaha. Twas soooo funny! & fun. :D Hahaha. Havent seen him so high in a while now.

So, we played.. With Qiyin, with JunLong and Alvin covered for me. And i kept losing. HAHA. Then, me & Alvin got tipsy.

HAHA. Walking out of the bar, i was cartwheeling and he was running. Haha! And we got labelled two crazy idiots.

And we were both trying to walk straight. And he pushed me! And i fell. LOL. Haha, the walk down the hill was fun. :D

So then, Alvin left and myself, my husband, sunshine and steven left for Canberra Park. The walk there took forever, haha.

We went to 7-eleven. I kept sitting on the floor. LOL. I was sober okay! Haha. When we got to Canberra Park,

I played on the swing. Swung so high til i got giddy and wanted to puke. Haha. Then we just wasted the night away.

Got screened by the police, but they were nice. [: So then went my birthday night. Went home in the morning,

Slept for 2 hours, prepared for service. And my birthday was spent.. like any other saturday service day. Nothing special.

So.. Cons? I lost my locket. The locket that i love and treasure so much. Well, its alright. Sometimes, we gotta let go of things.

Another con? He forgot my birthday. Damn, i was really really sad.. Extremely sad.

But he wished me happy birthday last night. :D :D :D :D :D :D :D He said 'Happy birthday dawn!'

And that was the best gift ever.

Neither of my parents wished me happy birthday. My dad went on an overseas trip on my birthday. [:

Many other people forgot my birthday. But.. I dont really care. Even if it shows i dont mean much to them,

The friends that wished me happy birthday and spent my birthday with me really made my 15th birthday special.

I didnt do much.. But something was really special about my 15th birthday. I was a different person from years before.

And i got to spend it with lovely people. :D Enough said, it was a awesome birthday and i couldnt ask for more.

Credits.

All my love to..

My husband, Qiyin, for planning that surprise. :D You're the most awesome husband ever!

Alvin, Sunshine, Himyi and Steven who were there to celebrate my birthday with me. :D You guys made it special. Really.

Brenda, Laiyee, Nicholas, Jieyun, Jogina, Hweehong, Charlene, Agnes, Yicong, Emyi, Sherlyn, Sharmeel, Liting,

Waimin, Charis, Aunt, My sis! :D, Binhui, Sebas, Zyann, Melissa, Jeremiah, Younice, Isaac, Joyce and most of all, Adha,

For texting me birthday wishes. Also, Valerie, BrandonKang, Angela, Jingwen, Hazel, Desmond, Calvin, Carmen, Bernard for birthday wishes in person. [:

Thats about it. [: Its over now. And my wish came true. Maybe theres more to life after all. [:

Maybe life IS a big hooha.. Maybe birthdays are big hooha's.. Time to go get my IC! Hehe. Love ya'll.

I wanted so much to spend it with you,

But it doesnt matter now.

I know it makes no sense, but..

Having heard those three words from you..

It made my birthday complete.

I wished for my birthday to be special,

It came true.

I wished that you would remember my birthday,

It pretty much did come true.

And i wished that you would be happy,

Are you happy?

Wednesday, May 27, 2009 @ 9:48 PM

1. My left eye with the stupid infection is irritating the shit out of me.
2. I want an iPod classic for my birthday. But i cant have it.

@ 6:49 PM

Feeling so helpless, and theres nothing i can do about it.
Im bored. Gonna do this quiz. Kinda interesting. Dont care what you think. [:
Be honest people! If you really have never heard of them. Don't mark it.

ALTERNATIVE:
[x] Breaking Benjamin [x] Paramore [x] Panic! At The Disco
[x] Linkin Park [x] The Academy Is... [x] Coldplay [ ] Three Days Grace
[x] Yellowcard [x] 30 Seconds to Mars [ ] Chevelle
TOTAL SO FAR = 8

COUNTRY:
[x] Rascal Flatts [x] Carrie Underwood [ ] Leanne Rhymes [x] Garth Brooks [ ] Dixie Chicks
[ ] Kenny Chesney [ ] Tim McGraw [x] Faith Hill [ ] Shania Twain [] Johnny Cash
TOTAL SO FAR = 12

EMO:
[ ] Hawthorne Heights [ ] Chiodos [ ] Forgive Durden [ ] Amber Pacific
[x] The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus [ ] From First to Last [ ] Senses Fail [ ] Underoath
[ ] Something Corporate [ ] Hit The Lights [ ] Dear Whoever
TOTAL SO FAR = 13

INDIE:
[ ] The Hush Sound [ ] Eisley[ ] Death Cab for Cutie [x] Dashboard Confessional [x] The Killers
[ ] Yeah Yeah Yeahs [ ] Hot Hot Heat [x] Gym Class Heroes [ ] Franz Ferdinand
[ ] Modest Mouse
TOTAL SO FAR = 15

METAL:
[x] Slipknot [ ] System of a Down [ ] Disturbed [x] Metallica [x] Guns n' Roses
[x] Lamb of God [ ] Slayer [ ] Hatebreed [x] Killswitch Engage
TOTAL SO FAR = 20

POP:
[x] Teddy Geiger [x] Ashlee Simpson [x] Kelly Clarkson [x] Jesse McCartney [x] Avril Lavigne
[x] Pink [x] The Veronicas [x] Daniel Powter [x] James Blunt [x] Natasha Bedingfield
[x] Ryan Cabrera
TOTAL SO FAR = 31

POWERPOP/PUNK:
[x] Hellogoodbye [x] Cute is What We Aim for [ ] Cartel [x] The Click Five [x] Fall Out Boy
[ ] Rise Against [x] Good Charlotte [x] Bowling for Soup [\x] Relient K [ ] Anti - Flag
[x] Simple Plan
TOTAL SO FAR= 39

RAP:
[x] Ying Yang Twins [x] T.I. [x] Eminem [ ] 2pac [x] Jamie Foxx [x] Ludacris [ ] Lil' Jon
[ ] Outkast [x] 50 Cent [x] Kanye West [ ] Notorious B.I.G [ ] Young Jeezy
TOTAL SO FAR = 46

SKA:
[ ] reel big fish [ ] The Specials [ ] MAD Caddies [ ] Rancid [ ] The Aquabats [ ] Sublime
[x] No Doubt [ ] Madness [ ] Operation Ivy [x] Bob Marley
TOTAL SO FAR= 48

ROCK:
[x] Taking Back Sunday [x] All American Reject s[ ] Motion City Soundtrack
[x] Avenged Sevenfold [ ] Angels and Airwaves [x] Evanescence [x] My Chemical Romance
[ ] Drowning Pool [x] Green Day [x] Blink 182 [x] Madina Lake
TOTAL SO FAR = 56

CLASSIC ROCK :
[x] The Beatles [x] Led Zeppelin [x] The Rolling Stones [ ] The Cure [ ] The Who
[x] Pink Floyd [ ] Jimi Hendrix [ ] Queen [ ] Van Halen [ ] Poison [ ] ACDC
TOTAL = 60

Multiply your answer by 144 and then divide it by 100.
60 times 144 is.. then divided by 100.. is 86.4, yeap. Thats how much i know. Thats the end of that!
Well, skipped school today. Woke up not being able to open my left eye like yesterday. When i opened it,
I felt like i got infected by a pig. Or not. It was all red.. And it was all heavy-lid-ed. I felt like my veins were going to burst.
And i had a fever, and coughed like a wheezy old man. Haha. Okay, so i watched cartoons the whole day.
Y'know cartoons are awesome? HAHA. They kill time superbly fast! Speaking of killing time,
I find myself killing time alot. Isnt time supposed to be precious? I always said i would live everyday like my last.
It so happens that no matter what im doing, i dont mind it being my last day on Earth. Even if it meant watching cartoons all day.
But with all that time i've killed.. Could they be used for better purposes? To fulfil my dreams and such?
I used to have so many purposes in life. So many things i wanted to learn. Drums, guitar, dance. All that drive for life.
But now, i feel like im staring down at my life from the outside. Staring through the porch window into an empty apartment.
With nothing but one girl. Sitting in the corner. Losing the will to live every. single. second. Somehow, life's like a joke now.
A big. huge. joke. Im not saying i dont have friends and im some emo person and all that shit.
Im not saying i always waste time. I do spend my time well, no doubt. But..i dont find that my life is for a good cause.
Being in Hope, i spent all my time with people there. Literally all. Leaving Hope, i spend my time with a variety of people.
But its so cluttered. Im this to her, that to him, this to them, that to her. None of these friendships seem..
How do i put it? Seems so.. Superficial. Yes, superficial. Thats the word. I know some of them are supposed to be my goodfriends.
Yea, they are. But i dont just want good friends. I want best friends. True friends. Not just good friends and close friends.
I know its demanding. Why am i even saying all this in the first place? Gosh.

To hell with it. Nothing much today. Just hope my dad's okay. He seems to be stuck in a serious financial rut.
Oh wait. He's going to China during the holidays. Har d har. Hope he thinks about what he's doing, man.
And. A huge apology to Sherlyn for ditching you today! The next time i skip school, i'll send you to school first.
Not. Haha. And to Jieyun as well, as she said she felt really bored as everyone was asleep. HAHA.
Thats how it is nowadays. The daily routine. Smack your heads on the table, plug in some ear pieces, blast some good music.
And lull yourself to sleep. When the bell rings for break and dismissal, just wake up in grogginess and evacuate.
HAHA. Its okay. Two more days. Just two more days. Cant wait for End years to come. Im serious!
I find the exam-rush kinda funny. And anyway, its time to start pushing myself to study. I should stop getting one digit for Math.
And to hell with C's for English. And also C's for all those other subjects im supposed to be good at.
Im supposed to be mature and think. Not disappoint people around me. Though i highly doubt anyone is disappointed.
Except..God. Damn. Lets not go there for now. So anyway. Im horribly bored now. Im gonna go find something to do.
No not really.

Im becoming what i never wanted to be.

I've broken so many promises,

Gone against so many morals.

Regretting many decisions i have made.

Missing people that i let go.

What the hell am i doing here,

Stuck in this rut.

Im drained, empty and helpless.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009 @ 8:36 PM

Wilted like a rose.
Hey honey. You're so sweet. You have no idea how much bee's you eat. Erm, HAHA what?!
HAHA. Okay. ANYWAY. Did Archery in school today. [: It was really fun! Unexpected right.
But the school hall was a 12387398473987493812degrees suana. ]: Aside from that,
Maybe it was because of the presence of an exceptionally hot & c-ute instructor. :D Haha!
HE WEARS BRACES! Haha. I have a thing for guys with braces. TEEHEEEE! Okay ignore.
Ryan Higa used to wear braces. :D HAHA OKAY IGNORE. Well, chilled with JoyceLynBrenda after school.
Yadda yadda. Met Qiyin at Admiralty. Yadda yadda. And am now officially home. And being hyperactive.
Haha. I wonder what it feels like to be emotional all the time.. Like. Those emo people. Do they ever smile? :o
Do they ever feel adrenaline rushes? And what do they do when they get adrenaline rushes? Cut themselves! HAHA.
Do they laugh hysterically? Haha. Emo people are some thing i will never understand. Aint that right? :D
And why do people have moodswings? :o Swing swing swing. Sigh. Haha i finally have something to blog about.
But im apparently too hyper to think soundly. HAHAHAH. And i closed my helix piercing. D:
Twas way too painful. Probably hit a nerve. Doesnt matter, i dont wanna give people wrong impression anymore. :D
Maybe i'll tattoo my forehead with 'Ima good girl'. Wait. Isnt that contradictory?

I was young but i wasnt naive.

I watched helpless when you turned around to leave.

And i still have the pain that i have to carry.

A past so deep that you couldnt even bury if you tried.

After all this time, i'd never thought we'd be here.

When my love for you is blind, but i couldnt make you see it.

That i loved you more than you'll ever know.

When part of me died when i let you go.

Monday, May 25, 2009 @ 8:00 PM

So adorable right, the picture. HAHA. Like some twittish picture. Haha. Monday blues today! Went to school half asleep.
Had some personality workshop, twas cool! Lots of 'S's, haha.
Came back home straight after school, also half asleep. And really slept. Half sitting on my couch.
How retarded! HAHA. Only hit home at 12 yesterday. D: That explains the letharge, haha.
I cant wait for school to be out! They're currently putting us through alot of torture. ): Theres ARCHERY tomorrow.
I know its supposed to be fun, yea it is, probably. But i really cant wait for the holidays. D: So many things i wanna do!
But before the holidays, some girlfriends are bringing me on a bimbo-spree. HAHA. Manicure, haircut and movies.
HAHAHA. Hilarious much. Okay.. Im having lesser and lesser things to blog about. :/
Freaking mozzies from chilling at Canberra Park yesterday. D: Itches like crazy! Kill all mozzies! Or give me dengue.
Haha. Corbin Bleu is kinda hot eh. :D Haha okay, bimbo rant. Well, until i have something to blog about.
I'll stop here. Enough said. [:

You're stuck in my head,

Your cheeky smirk, your smiling eyes.

Its just one chapter of my life,

A chapter of your life.

How our paths are crossed,

At this junction, at this crossroad.

This decision to love you will forever be etched on my heart.

Trusting you, believing in you.

Its gonna hurt, but i'll stand by it.Y

Joke's so definitely on me.

Sunday, May 24, 2009 @ 10:48 AM

Stuck in a rut, fingers crossed behind my back.
When you cross the road, whats on your mind? [: Probably wishing you dont get hit right? Haha.
Well i just cross the road wishing to get hit but its probably never gonna come true, fat hope! ;D
Ever wondered what tomorrow will bring? Well, tomorrow brings nothing. You create your tomorrow.
Tomorrow in itself is just a word. An empty word. You inject the tiny little specs of joy, of emotion of colour.
Its like a blank canvas. Life. Ever wondered what life's all about? Life's about carving an image of yourself.
You chip off the bad parts of the wood, ( if you use wood, haha. ) You shape it. You create your character.
And when you start carving at first, you might saw off the wrong parts, mess it up a little here, alot there.
But then you start to gain experience by carving, day after day. And it becomes a masterpiece.
And at the end of life, you see your very own masterpiece. Carved in wood, with little mess ups, cover ups.
But still beautiful. Because it is what you have created. It is an image of you. With its scars and chips, it is your life.
Ever wondered whats love? Love is love. Every one of the 6billion people living on Mother Earth knows love differently.
Love. Is making the one you love happy, disregarding all other costs. Love. Is letting go when you have to.
Love. Is getting hurt. When you're 15 and you tell someone you love them, where's it coming from?
Love causes massacre of the hearts. So.. Would you rather love? Or be loved. 6billion people. 1 15year old girls thoughts.
I would rather love. To know you loved someone, be it in silence or exclusively, to your extreme best.
No matter how high you fall from, no matter how many wells of tears. You know you've given your all to love.
Do you believe in karma? What the hell is karma anyway? A theory some people came up with?
Karma. Haha. Come get me, karma. I'll turn you into caramel, pour you all over my cheesecake and eat you up.
Lastly. Ever wondered why people do what they do? I do. Alot. I wonder about why people do what they do.
Say what they say. And react how they do. Is it what they call emotion? If it is, then why do some people feel the same but act differently?
I wanna be a psychiatrist. [:

Theres only so much i can do,

I leave it all in your hands.

Im sticking to my heart,

And i'll be sure to stand by you.

No matter what.

That old me's dead and gone, but the new me's gonna be alright.

Saturday, May 23, 2009 @ 10:39 AM

This is so so so so so so what i want for my birthday! Living without music for the past few days have been horrible. :/
Im not kidding! I dont really like bus rides anymore cause its so lonely, i dont like walking to school, i dont like taking the train.
I dont like waiting for people, i dont like being alone, i dont like going home alone.
And i cant get people to send me songs cause my F480 decided to screw me over too! ]:
Now i cant listen to anything at all. Life's gotten a little stale without music. D: So i HAVE to thank Sherlyn for always lending me her iPod. [:
If not even free periods would be hell. Haha, so thats how music has influenced my life..
Its unbelievable how something so huge can be taken for granted, eh? It doesnt seem like much but it is.
And i just learnt i am now owning two XL OBS shirts. When its s'posed to be M, LOL. Amazing how fat i am huh.
Haha. Okay..so why am i blogging now? OH. Cause i wont be online tonight, most probably. Im a faithful blogger!
Unlike all you little twirps who leave your blogs to the dust monsters! TEEHEE.
Haha. I want next saturday to come fast! No, im not celebrating my birthday. I just want my iPod! HAHA.
I hope i get it though. ): Its so expensive its like some stupid wish which will never come true.
Oh! I wanna bake a cake on my birthday! :D Maybe i will. Then at 12am (on Friday), i'll stick a candle and blow it out at home alone. :D
Yea! Sounds like an awesome idea, okay i shall do just that. [: And maybe pop some liquor. TEEHEE.
Haha..Random thought. I think im very straightforward now. Okay, no not very. Just more straightforward.
I say whatever im thinking.. Is that good or bad? And i can do heart-to-heart talks a little better.
Is that good or bad? Sigh. Its nice to know im changing but i need to change more.. On the inside.
Being a little more self-disciplined and self-confident and self-loving would help! Haha.
Someone once told me that he would look in the mirror some mornings and go "Im handsome, successful and (something else i forgot). And i remember saying..
I go to the mirror every morning and say "Oh gosh, im so ugly, a failure and pathetic." Lol! Chills me to the bone y'know.
People always say others look good cause of their personality and their inner beauty. I have none. ):
And my mom smacked me hard on my back 5 times this morning. AT 6 FREAKING AM. Gosh!
Okay random. Haha. Alright, i have to go soon. SO. Goodbye. [:

When you feel your heart is gaurded.

And you see the break has started.

When the clouds have all departed,

You'll be right here with me.

When your tears are dry from crying,

When the world has turned silent.

When the clouds have all departed,

You'll be right here with me.

I'll be right here with you.

Im sorry that i love you.

Friday, May 22, 2009 @ 10:40 PM

Its been the longest winter without you.
Haha so many song lyrics that totally describe how i feel, like An Jing - Jay Chou.
The lyrics are soooo meaningful! Really. Despite his..raspy, sexy voice. (Not.) Haha.
Well, caught Angels and Demons today. I felt like such a lightbulb. D: Im never going in 5's again!
But all in all, it was a TERRIFIC movie. :D I cried at the last part. ): But its a weeettttleeee bit hard to understand.
HAHA. But its totally awesome. And i wanna watch another movie. D: Been awhile since i caught some movies.
Haha, been more than a month, before Angels and Demons, actually. Haha, shall not think about it! Nostalgic moments.
Well, i realize that many people do not understand whats love. They dont even know how it feels like to love,
And they claim to love someone. Its kinda meaningless, is it not? Sigh. Well anyway, i got back my F&N results.
SA1 Marks: 51. CA1 Marks: 70.3. SO HAPPY. I got second highest for my coursework. [: 13.5/20.
After alllllll that stupid stupid coursework. Big relief, really. Hahahaha! Vulgarity is so overrated, HAHA.
Well.. My dad allows me to go for.. Wait. Big news. SHALL NOT BE REVEALED. Til i feel like it. :D Teehee!
Erm. I actually have nothing to say. Haha.. Been feeling so burdened, so..heavy-hearted, of late.
Whats wrong with me? I should be sent to a psychiatrist. ]: Or just send me to Ryan Higa! :D TEEEHEEEEEE.
Oh, i wanna give a HUGE thank you to Sherlyn. [: For biting my ear in school today. THANK YOU, HUN!
Gosh. Haha. And a huge thank you to all those who have been with me through this period of time,
Without you guys, i dont think i'd be over it this quick. Im pretty shocked myself. Maybe divertion of focus. [:
But its way too fast! Its been ONLY A MONTH! Gosh. So so fast.. I think its just numbness. D:

I cant deny i love you still.

But im pretty sure im over you.

I dont need you to survive anymore.

I have those beautiful memories to get me by.

I wont miss you anymore.

You were my sunshine.

Thursday, May 21, 2009 @ 8:49 PM

Since you've been gone, i can breathe for the first time.
Im so moving on. HAHA. Yea i am, really. Oh my! Kara Dioguardi is singing! She so owning that other girl. :D
Who is apparently standing on the American Idol stage in a freaking pink bikini! Ohmigosh.
By the way, Kris Allen won the title. Im happy but sad. ]: Its okay! Im not American, TEEHEE.
Well okay.. I want an iPod classic for my birthday. D: And i want those stupid Vans flats, screw. D:
Well anyway, i want alot of things but im broke. So im considering a job. Any suggestions? [: Feel free to PM me! Or tag. [:
Erm. Swam today. [: Twas stupid and fun seeing a flopping hippo in the water! :D Now im super sleepy. Gosh.
Well. Talking about my day isnt much fun aye? I just wanna know. What if someone bottles up emotion?
What happens? Sigh. My heart is so heavy right now.. I dont know whats wrong with me.
I dont miss him anymore. Just..happy that i had him once before. [: But somethings bugging me. Big time.
Ah, to hell with it. Gotta suck it up, pansy. :D Sigh.

And if the day comes that i have to let you go,

I think theres something i should probably let you know.

Enjoyed everyday that i spent with you.

And i wont miss you cause im happy that i had you at all.

That day has come and im sticking to this song, but i promise to love you always.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009 @ 10:01 PM

Jokes on me.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.

You make me happy, when skies are gray.

You'll never know how, how much i love you.

Please dont take my sunshine away.

You've forgotten,

About us.

Its okay. At least i had you before.

@ 8:15 PM

Lifes like a amusement park.
Gosh, im so sick of falling into traps. Of being played by life, being tricked by feelings.
Well, crashed Sherlyn's house today with Joyce after lunch with SaraBrendaGillianSharmeel.
We watched stupid videos on Youtube. And i shall not say what else we did, TEEHEE.
Im currently in love with the hot and amusing Ryan Higa aka Nigahiga. He's so hot! And adorable.
Well, after that, Joyce walked me off to CatHigh and i found out i lost my earpiece. No details.
So..i reached Sembawang and sat at a bench waiting for my daddy. I think my facade crashed and burned.
I've been so joyful and cheery for the past few weeks, so..nonchalant, so happy-go-lucky like i really dont give no shit.
Yea, and its been feeling so empty inside of me. Its not the..I need something kinda empty. But its the..numb kinda empty.
I cant feel anything anymore. Until today. Its like all the pain just rushed back and hit me like a speeding truck.
Now, it just pricks. Then tomorrow im gonna be numb and empty again. Its so..fake.
And a little too fast. Maybe because of the divertions in my focus points. Whatever, i dont wanna think shit now.
I think im a i-think-i-know-it-all and conceited bitch in reality. I think im damn insensitive and a horrible friend in reality.
Its time to change. Time to change.

I have only myself to blame.

For all the mishaps in my life,

I have only myself to blame.

I've been played by life,

Trapped by love, tricked by virtuality.

Trusted too much, loved too much, was too nice.

Bitched too much, faked too much, hated too much.

I have only myself to blame.

Except for others immaturity, [:

Tuesday, May 19, 2009 @ 8:58 PM

Get me out of this empty apartment.

I feel so contradictory to my very previous post.

Now, i am apparently crying and thinking alot.

I am confused and at a complete loss of what to do.

Lose another friend? I actually think thats the only way out.

Dont wanna affect or disturb a sleeping child,

Exactly how i dont wanna stir your life, sweetie.

You're everything i need right now, but everything i cant have.

Tell me what to do.

@ 8:05 PM

Haha. Im feeling so good right now, [: My shampoo smells so awesome. :D Hahahahaha.
Alright. I've been feeling pretty over the top recently. :D And i love my braids! Makes me feel gooooood, HEH.
Now im considering perming my hair, hahahah! I sound so..bimboish and all that shit. Okay! Haha.
I dont know if i should, maybe im just a tad too young? [: We'll see. Um.. I've nothing much to blog about.
Its been very very good for me recently. But exams being over, life's super boring, 'cept those party days. :D
So for the sake of..being lame and extremely bored, having nothing to blog about. I'll tell you my results. :D
Its only based on the exam marks, not the final score for my past five months. :D Im..content? Yea, i guess you could say that.
English: 58. { 23/30 Composition. 19/30 Situational writing. 23/50 Paper two, comprehension+summary+vocab.}
The bad/good thing is, no one in 3e5 passed papertwo, can you believe it? Shocking, right? I know.
Chinese: 45. No surprise there! :D
Math: Erm. I dont think i'll write it here. If you feel an urge to know, ask me personally.
Combined sciences: 49. { Biology: 16.5/50. Chemistry: 32.5/50. }
Combined humans: I dont even remember. Thats how unimportant it is. [:
Principles of Accounts: 55.5. { Paperone: 24/40. Papertwo: 31.5/60. }
I am utterly in shock that i passed my Accounts. Utterly. Shocked. Well, i've improved in some subjects.
My effort paid off and im very sure others did as well. However you did for your Midyears, everyone, its okay. [:
I know its tough to accept results that arent what you want, but you need to figure out why. Then, work on it.
Everyone gets bad results. Well, normal people anyway. And you dont need to feel upset about it, remember it, and try harder.
C'mon, if you get higher than me for Math, you're not that bad eh. [: Kay, i'll just expose my darl' marks. :D
I got 5/100 for Math. Yes, you saw correctly. 5/100. Lowest in the whole sec3. [: No surprise there either!
Yup, so thats about it. :D I think.. Life's not so much of a bitch recently. Cant wait for the holidays!
The clique's gonna have so much fun together, im gonna meet the girls in the holidays for once! :D Yay!

I never thought i'd be in love like this.

When i look at you, my mind goes on a trip.

Then you came in and knocked me on my face.

Feels like im in a race, but i've already won first place.

Sometimes love comes around and it knocks you down.

Just get back up when it knocks you down.

Monday, May 18, 2009 @ 11:04 PM

I think im nuts, going bananas! HAHAHAHA. Im super hyper right now! Maybe its the Henessey, seriously.
Ehhhhhhhhhh! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh screw. HAHAHAHAHA. This is stupid.
I wanna laugh. HAHAHAHAHA. Sherlyn is an airhead who doesnt know how to change a lightbulb.
TEEEHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I think im so adorable! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.
YOU ALL SHOULD READ THIS POST! HAAAAAAAAAAA, THIS IS SO FREAKING FUNNY!
HAHAHAA. Blame it on the a-a-a-a-alcohol! Teeeheeee! Nigahiga is so handsome! Hahahahahahhahaha.
And.. O M G. YOU CANT SEE ME! You know why? Teeeheeeeeee. IM A NINJA, NIN-NIN-JA.
TEEEEEEEEEEEEHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. :D :D :D

AHAHAHAHAHAHA, IM 15 GOING ON 50. WEEEEEEE! HAHAHAHAHAHAH.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

TEEEHEEEEEEEEEE. YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! NUTTTTY! :D

@ 8:15 PM

A picture paints a thousand words.

A jump shot, which kinda scares me due to the contrast effects. But its awesome, right? :D

The rest of the pictures are from Zhixin's sixteenth birthday at Lakeshore Condominium. ITS PRETTY!

A bridge along the pool area, [: Its so pretty right! Just ignore me on the bridge there. (:

Yours truly ( looking very stupid ) and Emyi, the half-thai sweetie. :D

Again me looking stupid, and very tall next to Binhui, AHAHAHAHAHA. :D She's so adorable!

Look at that extremely beautiful lady next to me, i look like a troll next to her! Gosh!

Haha its just a girl thing to camwhore, no worries. (: NO COMMENTS ON THE HEADBAND PLEASE.

The last picture looks SO MUCH like a wedding dinner picture. Haha, thats me & Sherlyn last week at PizzaHut. [:
Alright, so chilled at Lyn's today. Erm, shall not tell you people what i did, pointless crap eh? :D
Well. I think my look has changed alot. Thats what i think anyway. The fringe is GONE! For good, most likely.
I realized today that when you're confident of what you're wearing, what you're doing, you actually are a very different person.
I've changed alot on the inside, and changing more and more on the outside.
The only same thing about me? I still want to die my hair blue! Haha, as weird as ever eh.
Over the months, i've learnt to be stronger. Learnt more about alot of things and learnt to be cautious.
But i really do wonder, how'd people survive Planet Earth? Its such a horrible place to live in.
Haha, well whatever. I told Jieyun today: He's from Mars and im from Pluto. Even further than Venus!
But..two people of way different characters and personalities can have many similarities as well. And also learn alot from each other.
IF the party is willing to. :D Well, theres no explanation for many things in life..There is, but you might never know.
What i learnt? Just say whatever and not care. Yea, there is a reason for everything. But y'know..Why find out?
Believe in what you want to believe in and have faith in it. End times are coming, haha. I dont know what to say. No comments. [:
Just..whatever. [:
P.S. My confidence level is so weird! Okay, whatever.[:

Go ahead, just leave, cant hold you, you're free.
I gave you your dreams, cause you meant the world.
So did i deserve to be left hurt here?
What did i do but give love to you?
Im just confused as i stand here and look at you.
I'd give it all up, im taking back my love. I've given you too much.
Im taking back my love.

Saturday, May 16, 2009 @ 9:32 AM

BLESSED BIRTHDAY WISHES TO ZHIXIN & DAVID!

Haha. Its been 4days since my last post and today is the birthday of my two friends. :D Both are good looking!

Haha, but the pictures are..So understated! David's was taken like, two years ago? HAHA! But i find it really cute!

And Zhixin's was taken from her blog ( my bad! i dont have any pictures of her. ]: ) Yeaaa! But they're two amazing people. :D

EXAMS ARE OFFICIALLY OVER! And we've gotten back a few results, so we'll start of with all that i know for today. [:

Chemistry: 32.5/50! SCREAM, HONEY! :D Im soo extremely psyched about this! It might not seem that good,

But to me, its just..amazing. Well, its not THAT good, but its THIS good. :D You see, effort pays off. [:

Im so utterly shocked with this result, but..you know, i think i might make this year's school fees worth after all. [:

Chinese: 45/100. Haha, who cares about chinese anyway? NOT ME! :D Yea, so thats all i know. :l Pathetic? Haha.

I think NOT. Haha okay, im hyper and all alone, how odd. Alright, i had a sweeeeet dream yesterday night. :D

I dreamt i did exceptionally, like seriously EXCEPTIONALLY, well for English and F&N. So much so that my teacher said:

"Suwanie, you dont have to listen to class anymore. You've done very well this term, congratulations."

Yes, thats what Ms Ang Hui Leng said in my dreams, hahaha. And Ms Aljunied just kept smiling. GOSHHHH.

I wish that was real, but my F&N paper was abit of a screw up, so i'll just dream on. [: Haha, well.

After our papers officially ended, we crashed Sharmeel's crib, which was really cosy and pretty and really fun!

Yesterday, i went shopping in town with Jieyun & Binhui. [: I got a few stuffs at high prices. D: Its alright!

I quite like the stuff i got. :D Although its just two shirts and one pair of heels. :/ But its cool! Since im planning to work in the holidays.

And for todayyyyy, its Zhixin's sweet 16 celebration and thus, off to Lakeside in the evening for her partaaay.

Before that im just gonna be spotted at AMK Hub and J8. [: Gonna be seeing the bitch who scratched me for the first time on a Saturday!

Hahahaha, yes seriously. I've never gone out with Sherlyn Leong on a Saturday. Alright, so thats about it..

And i've been thinking.. What does it mean to let go of someone? How do you stop loving someone?

You know..i cant pretend that i dont love him anymore. Its this horrible facade i hate so very much.. And..

Even though i dont think he cares anymore, its still the same. I keep waiting.. Waiting for something.

Many times in life, i find myself waiting for something. Is there more to life than waiting? People wait for so many things on Earth!

Waiting for job approvals, for their payday, for their true love, for their true friends, for their examination results.

All that stuff. And in the process of waiting, they just keep themselves busy with the things they already have.

And in that process, they meet people.. And they change. And what they originally were waiting for. Changes.

They mature and change in the process of waiting. And what they originally wanted, that previous ideal idea.

Isnt that ideal anymore. I've really changed alot, in a good way i guess. But.. What am i waiting for?

Two weeks more to being 15. That means i've been here for 15years. I think thats enough of a life.. Really.

Im not being negative and coming up with the all..I wanna die young shit. But.. 15 years. Thats alot to take.

Will i live through another 15 years? And then another 15? And another 15? How do people even live that long?!

Maybe i'll just migrate to LA after my tertiary education and die at 30. [: Thats another 15 years to go..

Sigh. So many times i wish i had a reliable, strong and everlasting shoulder to lean on and cry on and sleep on. [:

Too bad. I dont. Im just glad i have that pair of huge arms embracing me.. i hope that i'll always remember Him.

Sigh.. Feeling so melancholic.. I miss.. everything about the past 3-4 months.. Hurts alot. What to do what to do. ]:

I miss you.

Is it time to give up yet?

You're not here anymore.

So wheres my heart?

Oh i forgot, you threw it at your feet and it broke.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009 @ 8:14 PM

Isnt that picture just so rad?! Haha, that was so bimbotic. But i do like this picture. [:
And my picnik isnt working, so i couldnt add a border to the picture, so sad. ):
And thus i wont upload any picture first, but me and Qiyin actually went to Cathay and camwhored.
At the kids play section. Where the playground is tiny. And i climbed in and out of little holes everywhere.
Like under the playground. Haha. And the playground is shorter than me, by the way. ;D
So you can imagine. [: Pictures will be up pretty soon, when my picnik decides to love me again.
And as for today, wanted to study at the school library with Sherlyn, but failed horribly.
Ended up talking shit. Hahahaha! And also of course, sharing some weird experiences.. Which brought back memories.
And also the getting angry with my samsung phone, CAUSE IT BROKE DONE. The memory card got virus-ed. ]:
Now, i cant listen to music. How awfully irritating. On a lighter note, or not. I went for a workout session at 3pm!
It might sound crazy due to the hot, burning sun.. But it was pretty fun actually! And yes, i went alone and it was fun!
I ran with the sun beating on my arms and all. It felt really really good! From absorbing the Vit.D and the perspiration.
Even the side stitch felt sweeeeeeeet. But yea, it was tiring. And i was the only idiot who ran at 3 in the afternoon!
You guys should try it! The Vit.D really increases your memory space, haha. I came back and studied Biology.
It was a fruitful day, [: It took my mind off alot of things and just gave me a rush of adrenaline. Twas cool.
I also learnt something today, which i forgot. HAHA. My bad. And, i wanna listen to some sound advice.
Not that the advice people have been giving me isnt sound! But its so..cliche and heard before and I KNOW I KNOW.
Sigh. I should just really really get my mind off this stuff. Its like a drug or something, gosh. I should run more! Haha.
Oh and a really retarded ant bit me. And i bled. Crazy ant. Has the teeth of a bulldog! Im not kidding, i bled!
Haha! I have a new conviction! Its to lose fats! Cant believe im so fat lah. ]: Its so depressing to see my fats everyday!
Just wobbling there. Omgggggggggggggggggggggggg. I sound so bimbotic! Haha. Its okay, excercise will help me slim down! ;D
Its healthy and gives a sexy glow! Hahahahaha, im watching people cry on television! So amusinggggggggg!
Oh i also learnt many things about myself late. I really wanna impress people, im a lil masochistic and im easily distracted.
Also that because of many things i've said and not said, done and not done, i live in regret. D:
Oh i remember what i learnt today! Fear stops you from achieving. Ya, i know! You've heard it before, shut up.
Haha. But i'm afraid of so many things..Im afraid of the dark, im claustrophobic, i dare not be alone in small spaces,
I dare not walk home alone at night.. Im afraid of trees at night.. Afraid of sleeping alone, being at home alone.
Afraid of heights, of most animals. Afraid of supernatural stuff, VERY VERY AFRAID. Afraid to love.
Afraid to speak. Afraid to lose people. Afraid of disappointment. Afraid to fail. Afraid of insects.
Its like.. everythingaphobia! Except that i love water, thats an exception. Im even afraid of going to the toilet.
Not because i'd drop in the toilet bowl! Its just creepy. Oh, and i exceptionally dislike watching horror movies.
I dislike and am afraid of. SEE! Theres that word again. All these fears are ruining me. Screw it man, screw. it.

Lost and insecure.

I've lost track of what im doing.

Trekking on danger zones.

I've lost sight of where im going.

Lost all of my sanity.

Im just a lil bit caught in the moment.

Maybe someday, i'll get myself out of this pity party.

Now, i just wish i had you, A.

Monday, May 11, 2009 @ 11:07 PM

Was archiving.
And i came upon some of my most sentimental, emotional posts.
And i think.. It is true. Dawn Suwanie's gone. Both Dawn and Suwanie.
What happened on the 21 of April and what is happening between me and him now.
Its way too much for me to take. I feel so STUPID, so hurt, so broken.
I will never be okay again. Thank you, cold hard reality.

I love you, very much.

You were the first i said it to,

Now that you've had the best of me,

You're still shattering the pieces of my heart.

What can i do to please you.

I cannot take this pain, it hurts way to much.

I dont deserve this shit from you,

You have no freaking idea how much i love you.

You're an ass. A huge ass.

@ 9:06 PM

I want a happy family. D: I know i sound crazy, haha. But i was at NewYorkNewYork,
on Mothers Day, and i saw a few families.. And they were just so happy together..
Made me green with envy and bright green with jealousy, really. Haha, and when i say happy family.
I mean my own happy family, when im all grown up and all. I wanna grow old with someone i love. ]:
Sounds like such a impossible thing, just looking at my parents failed marriege,
My sisters failed 4year relationship, and my own stories of failed relationships. Is it a family trait or something?
If it is, i'll go become a nun or something. Or maybe i'll just ask a doctor or something to remove my heart.
Sigh, i feel so pathetic and desperate right now. Who knows if he's found someone new and here i am,
Moaning, grouching and mourning. Whats funny is i've been wearing a way too much of black recently.
Maybe it's the funeral of my heart, haha. Sometimes, i think im just gullible naive silly foolish and a great toy.
Or im just ill-fated in the aspect of love. What kind of shit! Theres such a thing as ill-fated in love, how spastic.
Well whatever. Just make me a wealthy, successful woman with great friends and the ability to buy everything i want.
Maybe then it'll cover up the need for a man, wait its a boy, a boy in my life. Ah yes, maybe.
Cant hurt to fantasize about becoming as filthy rich as Kimora Lee Simmons right? Worlds largest LV collection.
Ahhhh, the luxury. A bathroom bigger than a St Louis apartment, a closet the size of a living room filled with Christian Dior, Versace, Marc Jacobs.
A shoe closet from the ceilings to the floors, from wall to wall, filled with Jimmy Choos and Miumiu's..
Yea, thats the life. THAT I WILL NEVER GET! Hahahahaha. Alright, so have been spending the long weekend with AQY.
She has completely embarrassed me enough to last a lifetime! Haha. IN TOWN. Haha. Okay.. Every minute was well spent, [:
In monetary terms as well! Gosh. Back to my fantasy of being extreme cash-overflow please! Haha.
Yea, so thats about it. Shopping and just walking around. And a horrible nightmare and overwhelming heart squeezes.

You're like a creepy tune stuck in my head.

You're torturing me with your silence.

My heart is oozing ounces of blood each day,

When will be the day i bleed to death?

Saturday, May 9, 2009 @ 12:11 PM

Sometimes in life, you just dont get what you want. Does anyone know why?
Is there something better? So much so that you dont see it but a Higher Being does?
Yesterday, Phyllis asked this question: Have you ever really trusted God?
Recently, i've been feeling so doubtful of many things. And i really wonder, whats beyond our dimension?
Going to school everyday, going out and seeing everyone out there.. Its hard to remember reality.
People seem so chilled and their faces show no emotion, even if they're rushing for time.
But you dont see their thoughts.
Everyone has problems, some worse than others but still problems.
And, problems cannot be compared with others.
People do things differently, handle things differently, think differently, react differently, feel differently.
By saying: my problems are worse than yours, you're simply judging matters from the surface and its not just.
Two problems can be worlds apart, but the way each person reacts to it defines the degree of pain and hurt.
The person with the seemingly simpler problem may be feeling worse off then the one with the seemingly tougher one.
Thinking too much makes my heart hurt ]: Anyway, homosapiens shouldnt think so much. Although the number of thoughts in your whole life is..
7 trillion approximately. See! People think too much. And it just compliacates things. And makes your insides hurt.
Really starting to detest that stomach flipping, heart sinking, mind blowing feeling. Makes me wanna cry.
Skipskipskipskipskip. Oh and can anyone answer 'Whats a crush?' Is it just a fondness for someone?
What if you see someone and you get all excited and fluttery? No, not blushing. Humans are really weird! Gosh.
Theres love, puppy love, crushes, fondness, admiration, true love, lust and all that other crap.
Why create so many things out of one simple situation? In the olden times, it was just marriage or courtship out of love.
No wait, even then they had such stuff as eloping and all that. But it was still out of only one thing, called love.
Nowadays, people just make it so complicated. If you love someone, then you do.
If you dont, then you dont. Why make such a big fuss out of it? If you love someone, you can withstand all tests.
If you dont, something small can just break that love. Is it that hard? Gosh. Its a freaking four letter word,
Which causes hearts to break all over the world. Sigh. It always feels nice to be in love and to love,
Or does it? *Raises eyebrows*

So anyway, Admiral Bar last night and before that, i sold my PSP at Toapayoh for 200Yusofs.
Damn, my heart broke seeing my BEAUTIFUL Lavender Purple scratchless PSP being sold like that.
I wish Bill Gates was my dad, then i wouldnt have had to do that. ]: Hey, a girl can dream right. ;D
Well, before that, it was the typical Cartel thing with some hooligans ;x namely, Joseph, Kwan, Lyn, Joyce & Weijian.
Then we headed to Sherlyn's house and Joseph did a REALLY STUPID THING with his tiny crumpler.
It was a good joke and pretty embarrassing. For Sherlyn, HAHA. The video should be on Joyce's blog soon.
Oh, it was OBSCENE. Gosh. And Weijian has a really cute laughter! Hahahaha. Yea, and all the typical pillow fights at her crib.
So that was that. And! Bourbon+Lime juice is bliss! Its awesome! I think im in love with lime juice.. *scrunches face*
Sigh, its been long since i've been to Vivo. I wanna go. D: I wanna go with someone.. Like you!
Okay, im being absolutely random here. And i gotta go and get my mother a present! For the very first time.
Im serious, i've never bought her a motherday present before. And i dont want to. But im a nice kid. ;D
Alright, im off. With the crazybeetch who's still playing with her retarded honeylemon water bottle.

Did you forget that i was even alive?

Did you forget everything we ever had?

Did you forget, did you forget about me?

Did you regret ever standing by my side?

Did you forget what we were feeling inside?

Now im left to forget about us.

But somewhere we went wrong, we were once so strong.

Our love is like a song, you cant forget it.

So now i guess, this is where we have to stand.

Did you regret ever holding my hand?

We had it all, we were just about to fall even more in love than we were before.

Somewhere we went wrong,

Our love is like a song.

But you wont sing along.

You've forgotten

About us.

P.S. I know its cheesy to use songs, but 1. I love this song. 2. Its exactly how i feel.

/Edited.

I cannot believe Allison Iraheta was elimated from the finals of American Idol.

But she'll surely have recording companies just waiting for her in lines all the way to Pluto. [: