hellos :Di just felt like blogging . hahas . looks like it's getting regular again .but i think soon .. i will not blog for a long time . haha .th lazyness in me of using com & stuff has been washed away by th power of God :D haha .anyway . i was just verbally hurt by my dad .. zz . so abit .. hurt ? hahas .have you ever heard your dad say this ; wheres my scissors ? { i apparently did not take his freaking scissors .}than he said ; if you take my scissors again i'll kill you .HE HAS FREAKING ISSUES . lol . ohwell . it's not like it's th first time he asked me to go & die or wants me dead or something . hmmm . im not pissed . just thinks he's crazy . hahas . sometimes just feel like if im not around maybe both my parents will lead better lives . i used to think it was because of me that my parents were in this state .. then someone called me stupid .. lols . that person woke me up anyway . hahas . because when i saw pictures of my parents before i was born , they seemed pretty happy . lols . how can i change th situation in my family ? how can i be salt&light in my family when they look and me as immature , bu dong shi and just a child who doesnt care or understand anything . HELLO . im more mature than you think i am . open your eyes ! ok .. maybe they think that way cos i never express my thoughts . but hey , im not a very open person ! it's 1 out of a million times i truly express my thoughts .so definitely i have to pray for God to enable me in this area .. to step out of this comfort zone .. cause i think if i keep going on like this .. silent bout everything .either i'll keep getting misunderstood and hurt and ahhhh whatever ..or i'll just regret when everything goes wrong . oh well . GOD PLEASE HELP ME :Dhmmmm . now i know why things go wrong all th time .. many things that have happened to me .. is caused by me deciding to ..shut off th realistic wake up calls from God .. i've gone through many things with ..a mind full of fantasy & stuff that happens in fairytales or drama's on teevee .o.o .. i admit i was totally naiive in the past .. because i never dared to face or speak up about what i really think .. about whats really going on in my mind .because .. i was afraid to lose what i had .. i was afraid of getting hurt .i allowed people to say things about that werent true . i allowed others to think i thought that way . even til' now im doing it ..than it just makes people think that im wrong ..im not saying everything i do & everything that goes through my mind is right .but its just .. since i dont say anything about stuff going on in my head .than people dont know .. i used to say no one understands me .. well thats because i dont let people understand me .truthfully not even my shepherd .. its not i dont want to .i wish people could understand me . but i've heard alot of people saying ..that im not a easy person to understand . and thats simply because .. i dont let them . i dont let people into my head . theres like ..this fortress shielding everything .duh , only God knows everything .. God fully understands ..& i finally see it that way .. i used to think no one understands ..but theres always One who understands :D hees .hahas .. do i come across as innocent ? hahas . that was a random question .lols . ohwell .. i've written something i never even dared to face in th past .looks like God is really moving :D hahas . ohyah ! yesterday i read through all my blog posts .. theres a BIG difference ..between yesterdays and all th past ones .. hehes .. th past ones were kinda ..me putting on a masquerade mask .. hope that doesnt happen again :Dhahas . i've woken up from my dreams & nightmares :D haha . i'm back facing ..planet earth with a heart ready for God :D hehes . i dont wish to stay in my lala land anymore .cos that lala land kinda hurts :x hahas . anyway i came across quite a interesting icon ..it says .. that only reason people hold on to memories so tight is because memories arethe only things that wont change when everything else does .. is that true ?..cos i think memories like pictures will yellow in time .. th visions arent that clear anymore .it's not totally forgotten but like .. when you think of th past .. th "video" or pictures in your mind just arent as clear as they used to be .we can keep memories .. but just dont be victimized by them .. :DGOD
ME .
CIRCUMSTANCES .
GOD
PROBLEM .
i think that these two "illustrations" will always remind me that i have a GREAT God :D
hehes . if we magnify on God . th problems will seem smaller .
yesterday someone reminded me of something that .. really encouraged me .
so long as we put God in the picture all the time .. in everything we're struggling .
everything's gonna be find .
we're living in a big big messed up Earth .
but we have a big big BIGGER God . a God that's forever with us .
even if the whole world turns it's back on us . God wont .
He promised us . & it's not gonna be a forgotten promise :D
claim God's promises :D claim it with faith . sometimes He may seem like He's not there .
but He is always there . someone once told me .. sometimes God just wants us to learn how
to really cry out to Him & desire more of Him .
you know how stars dont seem to be there in th day time .. but only appear at night .
i think all of you know that stars are ALWAYS there .
God's like that .. though sometimes we cant find Him . He's always there .
He has never never never left us .. He also gave us a angel to protect us :D
i think if we could see angels that would be cool .. hees .
oops . off track . Lol . i typed something in someone's laptop that encouraged me myself
when that person thanked me for typing it there .
lemme share this message to you guys too :D
every good and perfect gift comes from above . God loves you ! :D have a heart that seeks
after God's very own . you CAN make your Philistine Goliath tumble . Focus on your giants .
you stumble . focus on God . your giants tumble . trust in God :D cast all your anxiety on Him
for He cares :D
th key thing here is . focus on your giants - you stumble . focus on God - your giants tumble .
after reading the book ; Facing Your Giants - Max Lucado .
it really taught me ALOT . that book is REALLY REALLY good :D hahas .
th whole book is about basically . David .
David defeated Goliath & his other big giant friends .. with five stones .
at that time he was merely a shepherd boy .. kinda amazing .. :D
when shingyang returns me th book .. i'll share more .. cos i kinda forgotten th details i wanted to share :x ohyah . max lucado is a really good writer :D
i really admire him ! his books have helped me alot in my spiritual life .
though i've read only 3 . hehes . lets name th three :D
Come Thirsty . Facing Your Giants & A Cure For Common Life .
interested ? go read . hehes .
thats a long post for a short morning . im having shepherding later in th evening .
i think i blogged to da fa shi jien & also to share lotsa things :D
i hope all i've written today can encourage you in one way or another .
GOD LOVES YOU :D
wanna make a new start .
gonna start all over again .
gonna win souls for Jesus .
more for You less for th KOD .
more of You less of me .
my heart is prepared for You to use me .
not gonna live with a masquerade mask .
not gonna live in dreams and fantasy .
not gonna block off truths .
You gave me this life .
You let me come to know You .
dont wanna waste any more time .
cos time wont wait for me .
2oo7's coming to an end.
so is this slack-ey life .
You said if i dared to ask . You dared to give .
You said You wouldnt shortchange me .
so here i am .
before Your Throne .
laying everything down before You .
waiting for You .
