holding Your hand .

2009-06-02T20:38:00.003+08:00

IM BRINGING HIM WITH ME TO WORDPRESS!

You can find SuperDawn at http://kidsandromance.wordpress.com :D

Relink me if theres a need, comment me there if you want to,

And last but not least, give me your suggestions if blogger or wordpress is better.

Dawn appreciates your effort! So does Drake Bell! :D

All my love, Dawn.

2009-05-31T23:39:00.003+08:00

Trauma and tragedy in the making.
Baby why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go? I was counting on forever. Now i'll never know.
It's like im looking from the distance, standing in the background. Everybody's saying he's not coming home now.
This cant be happening to me, this is just a dream. Just. A. Dream.
Well, i went for a food-tasting session at Matthews and his mom is really friendly. His food was not toxic, no worries.
Then, we left to meet Husband at DhobyGhaut. Went for some Jubeat arcade session then left with Mingquan to Sembawang.
Went for another arcade session and then left for dinner. Then walked to 354D's playground and played daidi.
And to my surprise, i won four times. Thrice in a row, then came in second, then won again. Thats a first, really.
Then i walked home listening to some retard throwing mean comments at his friend whilst playing GuitarHero.
I miss playing GuitarHero. ): Come to think of it, i miss alot of things. I miss playing RockFever too. D:
But i dont like RF5, and i cant find RF4. ]: I miss chilling with people. D: I miss heart to heart talks.
I miss being loved. ): I miss watching cartoons for the whole day. I miss having lunch with my family. ):
I miss my N70 ME. D: I miss my Motorola Vwhatever. I miss chilling with the ahbengs in Sembawang. ):
I miss A.
Omg. My life seems so depressing. No no no, its not depressing. [: Its just changing. Too much for me to handle.
Oh well. Anyway, Husband just posted something super sweet on her blog. [: Thank you, Husband. :D
Hm. Thinking alot right now.. Tell me what to do when you feel like dying. At 15. My gosh, im so negative.
Okay. Im happy. I really truly am. (:

No, it really doesnt matter anyway.

My dream has turned in cold, harsh reality.

Cold. Harsh. Reality.

2009-05-31T12:27:00.002+08:00

I dont like my previous post. Its such a turn-off. Okay, im here to cover up! HAHA.
Well, actually, i have nothing to say at all. Just that service was pretty okay.
And that im meeting Matthew later and Isaac next week and watching Transformers with Adha.
And that im very confused and very hurt. Im obsessed and stressed with this mess,
I cant think of things to write down, to type down.
And these fingertips are moving faster than these lips. So you can only imagine how jealous my mouth is!
Whats a crush to doooooooooooooooo. HAHA. Alright, i'll edit this post later. Wo ai ni!
P.S. I cant speak chinese properly anymore.

2009-05-31T09:15:00.004+08:00

Hey world. Im a really happy kid! Haha. Twas my birthday yesterday,

And i didnt celebrate or anything yesterday. But i'll post about how i celebrated my birthday.

Friday, last day of school. :D Caught Conspiracy with my sunshine,

Sunshine left, i went to town to get Valerie's present. :D After which,

I headed back to Sembawang and yaddayaddayadda, then to AdmiralBar.

We drank. [: Played pokerrrrrrrr, and all that crazy lil things. Twas a lil quiet.

Then, it hit 11.45. I went outside to prepare to call Valerie. And 0000 approached,

I was happily calling Valerie, whined when she didnt pick up. And.

Got dragged by my husband into the bar. HAHA. And when i went in,

There was a cake on the table with 6 candles, happy birthday playing over the speakers,

And i fell on the floor. HAHA. Grand entrance, much! Haha. Okay.

So i know who planned the whole thing. [: And i wanna tell her i love her to bits. :D

Many thanks to AngQiyin for making my birthday a celebrated one. :D Also, a special one. [: Alright, credits later.

Well, then she told me i couldnt eat with a fork. So either i eat myself, or she feeds me. Which one will YOU choose?

I chose to eat it myself. So i began to put it near my face.. A slice of the dubious chocolate cake.. And..

WHAM. It went straight in my face. Thank goodness it was chilled and not too much got on my face. So being me,

I took the cake.. And threw it at her. At Sunshine. And wiped the remaining chocolate on my hands at Alvin. HAHA.

(Sorry about it, twas oily. Heh.) Well, then after that, myself Alvin and Qiyin all got a little high.

I started playing 5, 10, 20 with Alvin. Hahaha. Twas soooo funny! & fun. :D Hahaha. Havent seen him so high in a while now.

So, we played.. With Qiyin, with JunLong and Alvin covered for me. And i kept losing. HAHA. Then, me & Alvin got tipsy.

HAHA. Walking out of the bar, i was cartwheeling and he was running. Haha! And we got labelled two crazy idiots.

And we were both trying to walk straight. And he pushed me! And i fell. LOL. Haha, the walk down the hill was fun. :D

So then, Alvin left and myself, my husband, sunshine and steven left for Canberra Park. The walk there took forever, haha.

We went to 7-eleven. I kept sitting on the floor. LOL. I was sober okay! Haha. When we got to Canberra Park,

I played on the swing. Swung so high til i got giddy and wanted to puke. Haha. Then we just wasted the night away.

Got screened by the police, but they were nice. [: So then went my birthday night. Went home in the morning,

Slept for 2 hours, prepared for service. And my birthday was spent.. like any other saturday service day. Nothing special.

So.. Cons? I lost my locket. The locket that i love and treasure so much. Well, its alright. Sometimes, we gotta let go of things.

Another con? He forgot my birthday. Damn, i was really really sad.. Extremely sad.

But he wished me happy birthday last night. :D :D :D :D :D :D :D He said 'Happy birthday dawn!'

And that was the best gift ever.

Neither of my parents wished me happy birthday. My dad went on an overseas trip on my birthday. [:

Many other people forgot my birthday. But.. I dont really care. Even if it shows i dont mean much to them,

The friends that wished me happy birthday and spent my birthday with me really made my 15th birthday special.

I didnt do much.. But something was really special about my 15th birthday. I was a different person from years before.

And i got to spend it with lovely people. :D Enough said, it was a awesome birthday and i couldnt ask for more.

Credits.

All my love to..

My husband, Qiyin, for planning that surprise. :D You're the most awesome husband ever!

Alvin, Sunshine, Himyi and Steven who were there to celebrate my birthday with me. :D You guys made it special. Really.

Brenda, Laiyee, Nicholas, Jieyun, Jogina, Hweehong, Charlene, Agnes, Yicong, Emyi, Sherlyn, Sharmeel, Liting,

Waimin, Charis, Aunt, My sis! :D, Binhui, Sebas, Zyann, Melissa, Jeremiah, Younice, Isaac, Joyce and most of all, Adha,

For texting me birthday wishes. Also, Valerie, BrandonKang, Angela, Jingwen, Hazel, Desmond, Calvin, Carmen, Bernard for birthday wishes in person. [:

Thats about it. [: Its over now. And my wish came true. Maybe theres more to life after all. [:

Maybe life IS a big hooha.. Maybe birthdays are big hooha's.. Time to go get my IC! Hehe. Love ya'll.

I wanted so much to spend it with you,

But it doesnt matter now.

I know it makes no sense, but..

Having heard those three words from you..

It made my birthday complete.

I wished for my birthday to be special,

It came true.

I wished that you would remember my birthday,

It pretty much did come true.

And i wished that you would be happy,

Are you happy?

2009-05-27T21:48:00.001+08:00

1. My left eye with the stupid infection is irritating the shit out of me.
2. I want an iPod classic for my birthday. But i cant have it.

2009-05-27T18:49:00.002+08:00

Feeling so helpless, and theres nothing i can do about it.
Im bored. Gonna do this quiz. Kinda interesting. Dont care what you think. [:
Be honest people! If you really have never heard of them. Don't mark it.

ALTERNATIVE:
[x] Breaking Benjamin [x] Paramore [x] Panic! At The Disco
[x] Linkin Park [x] The Academy Is... [x] Coldplay [ ] Three Days Grace
[x] Yellowcard [x] 30 Seconds to Mars [ ] Chevelle
TOTAL SO FAR = 8

COUNTRY:
[x] Rascal Flatts [x] Carrie Underwood [ ] Leanne Rhymes [x] Garth Brooks [ ] Dixie Chicks
[ ] Kenny Chesney [ ] Tim McGraw [x] Faith Hill [ ] Shania Twain [] Johnny Cash
TOTAL SO FAR = 12

EMO:
[ ] Hawthorne Heights [ ] Chiodos [ ] Forgive Durden [ ] Amber Pacific
[x] The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus [ ] From First to Last [ ] Senses Fail [ ] Underoath
[ ] Something Corporate [ ] Hit The Lights [ ] Dear Whoever
TOTAL SO FAR = 13

INDIE:
[ ] The Hush Sound [ ] Eisley[ ] Death Cab for Cutie [x] Dashboard Confessional [x] The Killers
[ ] Yeah Yeah Yeahs [ ] Hot Hot Heat [x] Gym Class Heroes [ ] Franz Ferdinand
[ ] Modest Mouse
TOTAL SO FAR = 15

METAL:
[x] Slipknot [ ] System of a Down [ ] Disturbed [x] Metallica [x] Guns n' Roses
[x] Lamb of God [ ] Slayer [ ] Hatebreed [x] Killswitch Engage
TOTAL SO FAR = 20

POP:
[x] Teddy Geiger [x] Ashlee Simpson [x] Kelly Clarkson [x] Jesse McCartney [x] Avril Lavigne
[x] Pink [x] The Veronicas [x] Daniel Powter [x] James Blunt [x] Natasha Bedingfield
[x] Ryan Cabrera
TOTAL SO FAR = 31

POWERPOP/PUNK:
[x] Hellogoodbye [x] Cute is What We Aim for [ ] Cartel [x] The Click Five [x] Fall Out Boy
[ ] Rise Against [x] Good Charlotte [x] Bowling for Soup [\x] Relient K [ ] Anti - Flag
[x] Simple Plan
TOTAL SO FAR= 39

RAP:
[x] Ying Yang Twins [x] T.I. [x] Eminem [ ] 2pac [x] Jamie Foxx [x] Ludacris [ ] Lil' Jon
[ ] Outkast [x] 50 Cent [x] Kanye West [ ] Notorious B.I.G [ ] Young Jeezy
TOTAL SO FAR = 46

SKA:
[ ] reel big fish [ ] The Specials [ ] MAD Caddies [ ] Rancid [ ] The Aquabats [ ] Sublime
[x] No Doubt [ ] Madness [ ] Operation Ivy [x] Bob Marley
TOTAL SO FAR= 48

ROCK:
[x] Taking Back Sunday [x] All American Reject s[ ] Motion City Soundtrack
[x] Avenged Sevenfold [ ] Angels and Airwaves [x] Evanescence [x] My Chemical Romance
[ ] Drowning Pool [x] Green Day [x] Blink 182 [x] Madina Lake
TOTAL SO FAR = 56

CLASSIC ROCK :
[x] The Beatles [x] Led Zeppelin [x] The Rolling Stones [ ] The Cure [ ] The Who
[x] Pink Floyd [ ] Jimi Hendrix [ ] Queen [ ] Van Halen [ ] Poison [ ] ACDC
TOTAL = 60

Multiply your answer by 144 and then divide it by 100.
60 times 144 is.. then divided by 100.. is 86.4, yeap. Thats how much i know. Thats the end of that!
Well, skipped school today. Woke up not being able to open my left eye like yesterday. When i opened it,
I felt like i got infected by a pig. Or not. It was all red.. And it was all heavy-lid-ed. I felt like my veins were going to burst.
And i had a fever, and coughed like a wheezy old man. Haha. Okay, so i watched cartoons the whole day.
Y'know cartoons are awesome? HAHA. They kill time superbly fast! Speaking of killing time,
I find myself killing time alot. Isnt time supposed to be precious? I always said i would live everyday like my last.
It so happens that no matter what im doing, i dont mind it being my last day on Earth. Even if it meant watching cartoons all day.
But with all that time i've killed.. Could they be used for better purposes? To fulfil my dreams and such?
I used to have so many purposes in life. So many things i wanted to learn. Drums, guitar, dance. All that drive for life.
But now, i feel like im staring down at my life from the outside. Staring through the porch window into an empty apartment.
With nothing but one girl. Sitting in the corner. Losing the will to live every. single. second. Somehow, life's like a joke now.
A big. huge. joke. Im not saying i dont have friends and im some emo person and all that shit.
Im not saying i always waste time. I do spend my time well, no doubt. But..i dont find that my life is for a good cause.
Being in Hope, i spent all my time with people there. Literally all. Leaving Hope, i spend my time with a variety of people.
But its so cluttered. Im this to her, that to him, this to them, that to her. None of these friendships seem..
How do i put it? Seems so.. Superficial. Yes, superficial. Thats the word. I know some of them are supposed to be my goodfriends.
Yea, they are. But i dont just want good friends. I want best friends. True friends. Not just good friends and close friends.
I know its demanding. Why am i even saying all this in the first place? Gosh.

To hell with it. Nothing much today. Just hope my dad's okay. He seems to be stuck in a serious financial rut.
Oh wait. He's going to China during the holidays. Har d har. Hope he thinks about what he's doing, man.
And. A huge apology to Sherlyn for ditching you today! The next time i skip school, i'll send you to school first.
Not. Haha. And to Jieyun as well, as she said she felt really bored as everyone was asleep. HAHA.
Thats how it is nowadays. The daily routine. Smack your heads on the table, plug in some ear pieces, blast some good music.
And lull yourself to sleep. When the bell rings for break and dismissal, just wake up in grogginess and evacuate.
HAHA. Its okay. Two more days. Just two more days. Cant wait for End years to come. Im serious!
I find the exam-rush kinda funny. And anyway, its time to start pushing myself to study. I should stop getting one digit for Math.
And to hell with C's for English. And also C's for all those other subjects im supposed to be good at.
Im supposed to be mature and think. Not disappoint people around me. Though i highly doubt anyone is disappointed.
Except..God. Damn. Lets not go there for now. So anyway. Im horribly bored now. Im gonna go find something to do.
No not really.

Im becoming what i never wanted to be.

I've broken so many promises,

Gone against so many morals.

Regretting many decisions i have made.

Missing people that i let go.

What the hell am i doing here,

Stuck in this rut.

Im drained, empty and helpless.

2009-05-26T20:36:00.002+08:00

Wilted like a rose.
Hey honey. You're so sweet. You have no idea how much bee's you eat. Erm, HAHA what?!
HAHA. Okay. ANYWAY. Did Archery in school today. [: It was really fun! Unexpected right.
But the school hall was a 12387398473987493812degrees suana. ]: Aside from that,
Maybe it was because of the presence of an exceptionally hot & c-ute instructor. :D Haha!
HE WEARS BRACES! Haha. I have a thing for guys with braces. TEEHEEEE! Okay ignore.
Ryan Higa used to wear braces. :D HAHA OKAY IGNORE. Well, chilled with JoyceLynBrenda after school.
Yadda yadda. Met Qiyin at Admiralty. Yadda yadda. And am now officially home. And being hyperactive.
Haha. I wonder what it feels like to be emotional all the time.. Like. Those emo people. Do they ever smile? :o
Do they ever feel adrenaline rushes? And what do they do when they get adrenaline rushes? Cut themselves! HAHA.
Do they laugh hysterically? Haha. Emo people are some thing i will never understand. Aint that right? :D
And why do people have moodswings? :o Swing swing swing. Sigh. Haha i finally have something to blog about.
But im apparently too hyper to think soundly. HAHAHAH. And i closed my helix piercing. D:
Twas way too painful. Probably hit a nerve. Doesnt matter, i dont wanna give people wrong impression anymore. :D
Maybe i'll tattoo my forehead with 'Ima good girl'. Wait. Isnt that contradictory?

I was young but i wasnt naive.

I watched helpless when you turned around to leave.

And i still have the pain that i have to carry.

A past so deep that you couldnt even bury if you tried.

After all this time, i'd never thought we'd be here.

When my love for you is blind, but i couldnt make you see it.

That i loved you more than you'll ever know.

When part of me died when i let you go.

2009-05-25T20:00:00.004+08:00

So adorable right, the picture. HAHA. Like some twittish picture. Haha. Monday blues today! Went to school half asleep.
Had some personality workshop, twas cool! Lots of 'S's, haha.
Came back home straight after school, also half asleep. And really slept. Half sitting on my couch.
How retarded! HAHA. Only hit home at 12 yesterday. D: That explains the letharge, haha.
I cant wait for school to be out! They're currently putting us through alot of torture. ): Theres ARCHERY tomorrow.
I know its supposed to be fun, yea it is, probably. But i really cant wait for the holidays. D: So many things i wanna do!
But before the holidays, some girlfriends are bringing me on a bimbo-spree. HAHA. Manicure, haircut and movies.
HAHAHA. Hilarious much. Okay.. Im having lesser and lesser things to blog about. :/
Freaking mozzies from chilling at Canberra Park yesterday. D: Itches like crazy! Kill all mozzies! Or give me dengue.
Haha. Corbin Bleu is kinda hot eh. :D Haha okay, bimbo rant. Well, until i have something to blog about.
I'll stop here. Enough said. [:

You're stuck in my head,

Your cheeky smirk, your smiling eyes.

Its just one chapter of my life,

A chapter of your life.

How our paths are crossed,

At this junction, at this crossroad.

This decision to love you will forever be etched on my heart.

Trusting you, believing in you.

Its gonna hurt, but i'll stand by it.Y

Joke's so definitely on me.

2009-05-24T10:48:00.002+08:00

Stuck in a rut, fingers crossed behind my back.
When you cross the road, whats on your mind? [: Probably wishing you dont get hit right? Haha.
Well i just cross the road wishing to get hit but its probably never gonna come true, fat hope! ;D
Ever wondered what tomorrow will bring? Well, tomorrow brings nothing. You create your tomorrow.
Tomorrow in itself is just a word. An empty word. You inject the tiny little specs of joy, of emotion of colour.
Its like a blank canvas. Life. Ever wondered what life's all about? Life's about carving an image of yourself.
You chip off the bad parts of the wood, ( if you use wood, haha. ) You shape it. You create your character.
And when you start carving at first, you might saw off the wrong parts, mess it up a little here, alot there.
But then you start to gain experience by carving, day after day. And it becomes a masterpiece.
And at the end of life, you see your very own masterpiece. Carved in wood, with little mess ups, cover ups.
But still beautiful. Because it is what you have created. It is an image of you. With its scars and chips, it is your life.
Ever wondered whats love? Love is love. Every one of the 6billion people living on Mother Earth knows love differently.
Love. Is making the one you love happy, disregarding all other costs. Love. Is letting go when you have to.
Love. Is getting hurt. When you're 15 and you tell someone you love them, where's it coming from?
Love causes massacre of the hearts. So.. Would you rather love? Or be loved. 6billion people. 1 15year old girls thoughts.
I would rather love. To know you loved someone, be it in silence or exclusively, to your extreme best.
No matter how high you fall from, no matter how many wells of tears. You know you've given your all to love.
Do you believe in karma? What the hell is karma anyway? A theory some people came up with?
Karma. Haha. Come get me, karma. I'll turn you into caramel, pour you all over my cheesecake and eat you up.
Lastly. Ever wondered why people do what they do? I do. Alot. I wonder about why people do what they do.
Say what they say. And react how they do. Is it what they call emotion? If it is, then why do some people feel the same but act differently?
I wanna be a psychiatrist. [:

Theres only so much i can do,

I leave it all in your hands.

Im sticking to my heart,

And i'll be sure to stand by you.

No matter what.

That old me's dead and gone, but the new me's gonna be alright.

2009-05-23T10:39:00.002+08:00

This is so so so so so so what i want for my birthday! Living without music for the past few days have been horrible. :/
Im not kidding! I dont really like bus rides anymore cause its so lonely, i dont like walking to school, i dont like taking the train.
I dont like waiting for people, i dont like being alone, i dont like going home alone.
And i cant get people to send me songs cause my F480 decided to screw me over too! ]:
Now i cant listen to anything at all. Life's gotten a little stale without music. D: So i HAVE to thank Sherlyn for always lending me her iPod. [:
If not even free periods would be hell. Haha, so thats how music has influenced my life..
Its unbelievable how something so huge can be taken for granted, eh? It doesnt seem like much but it is.
And i just learnt i am now owning two XL OBS shirts. When its s'posed to be M, LOL. Amazing how fat i am huh.
Haha. Okay..so why am i blogging now? OH. Cause i wont be online tonight, most probably. Im a faithful blogger!
Unlike all you little twirps who leave your blogs to the dust monsters! TEEHEE.
Haha. I want next saturday to come fast! No, im not celebrating my birthday. I just want my iPod! HAHA.
I hope i get it though. ): Its so expensive its like some stupid wish which will never come true.
Oh! I wanna bake a cake on my birthday! :D Maybe i will. Then at 12am (on Friday), i'll stick a candle and blow it out at home alone. :D
Yea! Sounds like an awesome idea, okay i shall do just that. [: And maybe pop some liquor. TEEHEE.
Haha..Random thought. I think im very straightforward now. Okay, no not very. Just more straightforward.
I say whatever im thinking.. Is that good or bad? And i can do heart-to-heart talks a little better.
Is that good or bad? Sigh. Its nice to know im changing but i need to change more.. On the inside.
Being a little more self-disciplined and self-confident and self-loving would help! Haha.
Someone once told me that he would look in the mirror some mornings and go "Im handsome, successful and (something else i forgot). And i remember saying..
I go to the mirror every morning and say "Oh gosh, im so ugly, a failure and pathetic." Lol! Chills me to the bone y'know.
People always say others look good cause of their personality and their inner beauty. I have none. ):
And my mom smacked me hard on my back 5 times this morning. AT 6 FREAKING AM. Gosh!
Okay random. Haha. Alright, i have to go soon. SO. Goodbye. [:

When you feel your heart is gaurded.

And you see the break has started.

When the clouds have all departed,

You'll be right here with me.

When your tears are dry from crying,

When the world has turned silent.

When the clouds have all departed,

You'll be right here with me.

I'll be right here with you.

Im sorry that i love you.

2009-05-22T22:40:00.002+08:00

Its been the longest winter without you.
Haha so many song lyrics that totally describe how i feel, like An Jing - Jay Chou.
The lyrics are soooo meaningful! Really. Despite his..raspy, sexy voice. (Not.) Haha.
Well, caught Angels and Demons today. I felt like such a lightbulb. D: Im never going in 5's again!
But all in all, it was a TERRIFIC movie. :D I cried at the last part. ): But its a weeettttleeee bit hard to understand.
HAHA. But its totally awesome. And i wanna watch another movie. D: Been awhile since i caught some movies.
Haha, been more than a month, before Angels and Demons, actually. Haha, shall not think about it! Nostalgic moments.
Well, i realize that many people do not understand whats love. They dont even know how it feels like to love,
And they claim to love someone. Its kinda meaningless, is it not? Sigh. Well anyway, i got back my F&N results.
SA1 Marks: 51. CA1 Marks: 70.3. SO HAPPY. I got second highest for my coursework. [: 13.5/20.
After alllllll that stupid stupid coursework. Big relief, really. Hahahaha! Vulgarity is so overrated, HAHA.
Well.. My dad allows me to go for.. Wait. Big news. SHALL NOT BE REVEALED. Til i feel like it. :D Teehee!
Erm. I actually have nothing to say. Haha.. Been feeling so burdened, so..heavy-hearted, of late.
Whats wrong with me? I should be sent to a psychiatrist. ]: Or just send me to Ryan Higa! :D TEEEHEEEEEE.
Oh, i wanna give a HUGE thank you to Sherlyn. [: For biting my ear in school today. THANK YOU, HUN!
Gosh. Haha. And a huge thank you to all those who have been with me through this period of time,
Without you guys, i dont think i'd be over it this quick. Im pretty shocked myself. Maybe divertion of focus. [:
But its way too fast! Its been ONLY A MONTH! Gosh. So so fast.. I think its just numbness. D:

I cant deny i love you still.

But im pretty sure im over you.

I dont need you to survive anymore.

I have those beautiful memories to get me by.

I wont miss you anymore.

You were my sunshine.

2009-05-21T20:49:00.002+08:00

Since you've been gone, i can breathe for the first time.
Im so moving on. HAHA. Yea i am, really. Oh my! Kara Dioguardi is singing! She so owning that other girl. :D
Who is apparently standing on the American Idol stage in a freaking pink bikini! Ohmigosh.
By the way, Kris Allen won the title. Im happy but sad. ]: Its okay! Im not American, TEEHEE.
Well okay.. I want an iPod classic for my birthday. D: And i want those stupid Vans flats, screw. D:
Well anyway, i want alot of things but im broke. So im considering a job. Any suggestions? [: Feel free to PM me! Or tag. [:
Erm. Swam today. [: Twas stupid and fun seeing a flopping hippo in the water! :D Now im super sleepy. Gosh.
Well. Talking about my day isnt much fun aye? I just wanna know. What if someone bottles up emotion?
What happens? Sigh. My heart is so heavy right now.. I dont know whats wrong with me.
I dont miss him anymore. Just..happy that i had him once before. [: But somethings bugging me. Big time.
Ah, to hell with it. Gotta suck it up, pansy. :D Sigh.

And if the day comes that i have to let you go,

I think theres something i should probably let you know.

Enjoyed everyday that i spent with you.

And i wont miss you cause im happy that i had you at all.

That day has come and im sticking to this song, but i promise to love you always.

2009-05-20T22:01:00.002+08:00

Jokes on me.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.

You make me happy, when skies are gray.

You'll never know how, how much i love you.

Please dont take my sunshine away.

You've forgotten,

About us.

Its okay. At least i had you before.

2009-05-20T20:15:00.002+08:00

Lifes like a amusement park.
Gosh, im so sick of falling into traps. Of being played by life, being tricked by feelings.
Well, crashed Sherlyn's house today with Joyce after lunch with SaraBrendaGillianSharmeel.
We watched stupid videos on Youtube. And i shall not say what else we did, TEEHEE.
Im currently in love with the hot and amusing Ryan Higa aka Nigahiga. He's so hot! And adorable.
Well, after that, Joyce walked me off to CatHigh and i found out i lost my earpiece. No details.
So..i reached Sembawang and sat at a bench waiting for my daddy. I think my facade crashed and burned.
I've been so joyful and cheery for the past few weeks, so..nonchalant, so happy-go-lucky like i really dont give no shit.
Yea, and its been feeling so empty inside of me. Its not the..I need something kinda empty. But its the..numb kinda empty.
I cant feel anything anymore. Until today. Its like all the pain just rushed back and hit me like a speeding truck.
Now, it just pricks. Then tomorrow im gonna be numb and empty again. Its so..fake.
And a little too fast. Maybe because of the divertions in my focus points. Whatever, i dont wanna think shit now.
I think im a i-think-i-know-it-all and conceited bitch in reality. I think im damn insensitive and a horrible friend in reality.
Its time to change. Time to change.

I have only myself to blame.

For all the mishaps in my life,

I have only myself to blame.

I've been played by life,

Trapped by love, tricked by virtuality.

Trusted too much, loved too much, was too nice.

Bitched too much, faked too much, hated too much.

I have only myself to blame.

Except for others immaturity, [:

2009-05-19T20:58:00.002+08:00

Get me out of this empty apartment.

I feel so contradictory to my very previous post.

Now, i am apparently crying and thinking alot.

I am confused and at a complete loss of what to do.

Lose another friend? I actually think thats the only way out.

Dont wanna affect or disturb a sleeping child,

Exactly how i dont wanna stir your life, sweetie.

You're everything i need right now, but everything i cant have.

Tell me what to do.

2009-05-19T20:05:00.002+08:00

Haha. Im feeling so good right now, [: My shampoo smells so awesome. :D Hahahahaha.
Alright. I've been feeling pretty over the top recently. :D And i love my braids! Makes me feel gooooood, HEH.
Now im considering perming my hair, hahahah! I sound so..bimboish and all that shit. Okay! Haha.
I dont know if i should, maybe im just a tad too young? [: We'll see. Um.. I've nothing much to blog about.
Its been very very good for me recently. But exams being over, life's super boring, 'cept those party days. :D
So for the sake of..being lame and extremely bored, having nothing to blog about. I'll tell you my results. :D
Its only based on the exam marks, not the final score for my past five months. :D Im..content? Yea, i guess you could say that.
English: 58. { 23/30 Composition. 19/30 Situational writing. 23/50 Paper two, comprehension+summary+vocab.}
The bad/good thing is, no one in 3e5 passed papertwo, can you believe it? Shocking, right? I know.
Chinese: 45. No surprise there! :D
Math: Erm. I dont think i'll write it here. If you feel an urge to know, ask me personally.
Combined sciences: 49. { Biology: 16.5/50. Chemistry: 32.5/50. }
Combined humans: I dont even remember. Thats how unimportant it is. [:
Principles of Accounts: 55.5. { Paperone: 24/40. Papertwo: 31.5/60. }
I am utterly in shock that i passed my Accounts. Utterly. Shocked. Well, i've improved in some subjects.
My effort paid off and im very sure others did as well. However you did for your Midyears, everyone, its okay. [:
I know its tough to accept results that arent what you want, but you need to figure out why. Then, work on it.
Everyone gets bad results. Well, normal people anyway. And you dont need to feel upset about it, remember it, and try harder.
C'mon, if you get higher than me for Math, you're not that bad eh. [: Kay, i'll just expose my darl' marks. :D
I got 5/100 for Math. Yes, you saw correctly. 5/100. Lowest in the whole sec3. [: No surprise there either!
Yup, so thats about it. :D I think.. Life's not so much of a bitch recently. Cant wait for the holidays!
The clique's gonna have so much fun together, im gonna meet the girls in the holidays for once! :D Yay!

I never thought i'd be in love like this.

When i look at you, my mind goes on a trip.

Then you came in and knocked me on my face.

Feels like im in a race, but i've already won first place.

Sometimes love comes around and it knocks you down.

Just get back up when it knocks you down.

2009-05-18T23:04:00.002+08:00

I think im nuts, going bananas! HAHAHAHA. Im super hyper right now! Maybe its the Henessey, seriously.
Ehhhhhhhhhh! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh screw. HAHAHAHAHA. This is stupid.
I wanna laugh. HAHAHAHAHA. Sherlyn is an airhead who doesnt know how to change a lightbulb.
TEEEHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I think im so adorable! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.
YOU ALL SHOULD READ THIS POST! HAAAAAAAAAAA, THIS IS SO FREAKING FUNNY!
HAHAHAA. Blame it on the a-a-a-a-alcohol! Teeeheeee! Nigahiga is so handsome! Hahahahahahhahaha.
And.. O M G. YOU CANT SEE ME! You know why? Teeeheeeeeee. IM A NINJA, NIN-NIN-JA.
TEEEEEEEEEEEEHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. :D :D :D

AHAHAHAHAHAHA, IM 15 GOING ON 50. WEEEEEEE! HAHAHAHAHAHAH.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

TEEEHEEEEEEEEEE. YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! NUTTTTY! :D

2009-05-18T20:15:00.003+08:00

A picture paints a thousand words.

A jump shot, which kinda scares me due to the contrast effects. But its awesome, right? :D

The rest of the pictures are from Zhixin's sixteenth birthday at Lakeshore Condominium. ITS PRETTY!

A bridge along the pool area, [: Its so pretty right! Just ignore me on the bridge there. (:

Yours truly ( looking very stupid ) and Emyi, the half-thai sweetie. :D

Again me looking stupid, and very tall next to Binhui, AHAHAHAHAHA. :D She's so adorable!

Look at that extremely beautiful lady next to me, i look like a troll next to her! Gosh!
Haha its just a girl thing to camwhore, no worries. (: NO COMMENTS ON THE HEADBAND PLEASE.

The last picture looks SO MUCH like a wedding dinner picture. Haha, thats me & Sherlyn last week at PizzaHut. [:
Alright, so chilled at Lyn's today. Erm, shall not tell you people what i did, pointless crap eh? :D
Well. I think my look has changed alot. Thats what i think anyway. The fringe is GONE! For good, most likely.
I realized today that when you're confident of what you're wearing, what you're doing, you actually are a very different person.
I've changed alot on the inside, and changing more and more on the outside.
The only same thing about me? I still want to die my hair blue! Haha, as weird as ever eh.
Over the months, i've learnt to be stronger. Learnt more about alot of things and learnt to be cautious.
But i really do wonder, how'd people survive Planet Earth? Its such a horrible place to live in.
Haha, well whatever. I told Jieyun today: He's from Mars and im from Pluto. Even further than Venus!
But..two people of way different characters and personalities can have many similarities as well. And also learn alot from each other.
IF the party is willing to. :D Well, theres no explanation for many things in life..There is, but you might never know.
What i learnt? Just say whatever and not care. Yea, there is a reason for everything. But y'know..Why find out?
Believe in what you want to believe in and have faith in it. End times are coming, haha. I dont know what to say. No comments. [:
Just..whatever. [:
P.S. My confidence level is so weird! Okay, whatever.[:

Go ahead, just leave, cant hold you, you're free.
I gave you your dreams, cause you meant the world.
So did i deserve to be left hurt here?
What did i do but give love to you?
Im just confused as i stand here and look at you.
I'd give it all up, im taking back my love. I've given you too much.
Im taking back my love.

2009-05-16T09:32:00.002+08:00

BLESSED BIRTHDAY WISHES TO ZHIXIN & DAVID!

Haha. Its been 4days since my last post and today is the birthday of my two friends. :D Both are good looking!

Haha, but the pictures are..So understated! David's was taken like, two years ago? HAHA! But i find it really cute!

And Zhixin's was taken from her blog ( my bad! i dont have any pictures of her. ]: ) Yeaaa! But they're two amazing people. :D

EXAMS ARE OFFICIALLY OVER! And we've gotten back a few results, so we'll start of with all that i know for today. [:

Chemistry: 32.5/50! SCREAM, HONEY! :D Im soo extremely psyched about this! It might not seem that good,

But to me, its just..amazing. Well, its not THAT good, but its THIS good. :D You see, effort pays off. [:

Im so utterly shocked with this result, but..you know, i think i might make this year's school fees worth after all. [:

Chinese: 45/100. Haha, who cares about chinese anyway? NOT ME! :D Yea, so thats all i know. :l Pathetic? Haha.

I think NOT. Haha okay, im hyper and all alone, how odd. Alright, i had a sweeeeet dream yesterday night. :D

I dreamt i did exceptionally, like seriously EXCEPTIONALLY, well for English and F&N. So much so that my teacher said:

"Suwanie, you dont have to listen to class anymore. You've done very well this term, congratulations."

Yes, thats what Ms Ang Hui Leng said in my dreams, hahaha. And Ms Aljunied just kept smiling. GOSHHHH.

I wish that was real, but my F&N paper was abit of a screw up, so i'll just dream on. [: Haha, well.

After our papers officially ended, we crashed Sharmeel's crib, which was really cosy and pretty and really fun!

Yesterday, i went shopping in town with Jieyun & Binhui. [: I got a few stuffs at high prices. D: Its alright!

I quite like the stuff i got. :D Although its just two shirts and one pair of heels. :/ But its cool! Since im planning to work in the holidays.

And for todayyyyy, its Zhixin's sweet 16 celebration and thus, off to Lakeside in the evening for her partaaay.

Before that im just gonna be spotted at AMK Hub and J8. [: Gonna be seeing the bitch who scratched me for the first time on a Saturday!

Hahahaha, yes seriously. I've never gone out with Sherlyn Leong on a Saturday. Alright, so thats about it..

And i've been thinking.. What does it mean to let go of someone? How do you stop loving someone?

You know..i cant pretend that i dont love him anymore. Its this horrible facade i hate so very much.. And..

Even though i dont think he cares anymore, its still the same. I keep waiting.. Waiting for something.

Many times in life, i find myself waiting for something. Is there more to life than waiting? People wait for so many things on Earth!

Waiting for job approvals, for their payday, for their true love, for their true friends, for their examination results.

All that stuff. And in the process of waiting, they just keep themselves busy with the things they already have.

And in that process, they meet people.. And they change. And what they originally were waiting for. Changes.

They mature and change in the process of waiting. And what they originally wanted, that previous ideal idea.

Isnt that ideal anymore. I've really changed alot, in a good way i guess. But.. What am i waiting for?

Two weeks more to being 15. That means i've been here for 15years. I think thats enough of a life.. Really.

Im not being negative and coming up with the all..I wanna die young shit. But.. 15 years. Thats alot to take.

Will i live through another 15 years? And then another 15? And another 15? How do people even live that long?!

Maybe i'll just migrate to LA after my tertiary education and die at 30. [: Thats another 15 years to go..

Sigh. So many times i wish i had a reliable, strong and everlasting shoulder to lean on and cry on and sleep on. [:

Too bad. I dont. Im just glad i have that pair of huge arms embracing me.. i hope that i'll always remember Him.

Sigh.. Feeling so melancholic.. I miss.. everything about the past 3-4 months.. Hurts alot. What to do what to do. ]:

I miss you.

Is it time to give up yet?

You're not here anymore.

So wheres my heart?

Oh i forgot, you threw it at your feet and it broke.

2009-05-12T20:14:00.002+08:00

Isnt that picture just so rad?! Haha, that was so bimbotic. But i do like this picture. [:
And my picnik isnt working, so i couldnt add a border to the picture, so sad. ):
And thus i wont upload any picture first, but me and Qiyin actually went to Cathay and camwhored.
At the kids play section. Where the playground is tiny. And i climbed in and out of little holes everywhere.
Like under the playground. Haha. And the playground is shorter than me, by the way. ;D
So you can imagine. [: Pictures will be up pretty soon, when my picnik decides to love me again.
And as for today, wanted to study at the school library with Sherlyn, but failed horribly.
Ended up talking shit. Hahahaha! And also of course, sharing some weird experiences.. Which brought back memories.
And also the getting angry with my samsung phone, CAUSE IT BROKE DONE. The memory card got virus-ed. ]:
Now, i cant listen to music. How awfully irritating. On a lighter note, or not. I went for a workout session at 3pm!
It might sound crazy due to the hot, burning sun.. But it was pretty fun actually! And yes, i went alone and it was fun!
I ran with the sun beating on my arms and all. It felt really really good! From absorbing the Vit.D and the perspiration.
Even the side stitch felt sweeeeeeeet. But yea, it was tiring. And i was the only idiot who ran at 3 in the afternoon!
You guys should try it! The Vit.D really increases your memory space, haha. I came back and studied Biology.
It was a fruitful day, [: It took my mind off alot of things and just gave me a rush of adrenaline. Twas cool.
I also learnt something today, which i forgot. HAHA. My bad. And, i wanna listen to some sound advice.
Not that the advice people have been giving me isnt sound! But its so..cliche and heard before and I KNOW I KNOW.
Sigh. I should just really really get my mind off this stuff. Its like a drug or something, gosh. I should run more! Haha.
Oh and a really retarded ant bit me. And i bled. Crazy ant. Has the teeth of a bulldog! Im not kidding, i bled!
Haha! I have a new conviction! Its to lose fats! Cant believe im so fat lah. ]: Its so depressing to see my fats everyday!
Just wobbling there. Omgggggggggggggggggggggggg. I sound so bimbotic! Haha. Its okay, excercise will help me slim down! ;D
Its healthy and gives a sexy glow! Hahahahaha, im watching people cry on television! So amusinggggggggg!
Oh i also learnt many things about myself late. I really wanna impress people, im a lil masochistic and im easily distracted.
Also that because of many things i've said and not said, done and not done, i live in regret. D:
Oh i remember what i learnt today! Fear stops you from achieving. Ya, i know! You've heard it before, shut up.
Haha. But i'm afraid of so many things..Im afraid of the dark, im claustrophobic, i dare not be alone in small spaces,
I dare not walk home alone at night.. Im afraid of trees at night.. Afraid of sleeping alone, being at home alone.
Afraid of heights, of most animals. Afraid of supernatural stuff, VERY VERY AFRAID. Afraid to love.
Afraid to speak. Afraid to lose people. Afraid of disappointment. Afraid to fail. Afraid of insects.
Its like.. everythingaphobia! Except that i love water, thats an exception. Im even afraid of going to the toilet.
Not because i'd drop in the toilet bowl! Its just creepy. Oh, and i exceptionally dislike watching horror movies.
I dislike and am afraid of. SEE! Theres that word again. All these fears are ruining me. Screw it man, screw. it.

Lost and insecure.

I've lost track of what im doing.

Trekking on danger zones.

I've lost sight of where im going.

Lost all of my sanity.

Im just a lil bit caught in the moment.

Maybe someday, i'll get myself out of this pity party.

Now, i just wish i had you, A.

2009-05-11T23:07:00.003+08:00

Was archiving.
And i came upon some of my most sentimental, emotional posts.
And i think.. It is true. Dawn Suwanie's gone. Both Dawn and Suwanie.
What happened on the 21 of April and what is happening between me and him now.
Its way too much for me to take. I feel so STUPID, so hurt, so broken.
I will never be okay again. Thank you, cold hard reality.

I love you, very much.

You were the first i said it to,

Now that you've had the best of me,

You're still shattering the pieces of my heart.

What can i do to please you.

I cannot take this pain, it hurts way to much.

I dont deserve this shit from you,

You have no freaking idea how much i love you.

You're an ass. A huge ass.

2009-05-11T21:06:00.002+08:00

I want a happy family. D: I know i sound crazy, haha. But i was at NewYorkNewYork,
on Mothers Day, and i saw a few families.. And they were just so happy together..
Made me green with envy and bright green with jealousy, really. Haha, and when i say happy family.
I mean my own happy family, when im all grown up and all. I wanna grow old with someone i love. ]:
Sounds like such a impossible thing, just looking at my parents failed marriege,
My sisters failed 4year relationship, and my own stories of failed relationships. Is it a family trait or something?
If it is, i'll go become a nun or something. Or maybe i'll just ask a doctor or something to remove my heart.
Sigh, i feel so pathetic and desperate right now. Who knows if he's found someone new and here i am,
Moaning, grouching and mourning. Whats funny is i've been wearing a way too much of black recently.
Maybe it's the funeral of my heart, haha. Sometimes, i think im just gullible naive silly foolish and a great toy.
Or im just ill-fated in the aspect of love. What kind of shit! Theres such a thing as ill-fated in love, how spastic.
Well whatever. Just make me a wealthy, successful woman with great friends and the ability to buy everything i want.
Maybe then it'll cover up the need for a man, wait its a boy, a boy in my life. Ah yes, maybe.
Cant hurt to fantasize about becoming as filthy rich as Kimora Lee Simmons right? Worlds largest LV collection.
Ahhhh, the luxury. A bathroom bigger than a St Louis apartment, a closet the size of a living room filled with Christian Dior, Versace, Marc Jacobs.
A shoe closet from the ceilings to the floors, from wall to wall, filled with Jimmy Choos and Miumiu's..
Yea, thats the life. THAT I WILL NEVER GET! Hahahahaha. Alright, so have been spending the long weekend with AQY.
She has completely embarrassed me enough to last a lifetime! Haha. IN TOWN. Haha. Okay.. Every minute was well spent, [:
In monetary terms as well! Gosh. Back to my fantasy of being extreme cash-overflow please! Haha.
Yea, so thats about it. Shopping and just walking around. And a horrible nightmare and overwhelming heart squeezes.

You're like a creepy tune stuck in my head.

You're torturing me with your silence.

My heart is oozing ounces of blood each day,

When will be the day i bleed to death?

2009-05-09T12:11:00.005+08:00

Sometimes in life, you just dont get what you want. Does anyone know why?
Is there something better? So much so that you dont see it but a Higher Being does?
Yesterday, Phyllis asked this question: Have you ever really trusted God?
Recently, i've been feeling so doubtful of many things. And i really wonder, whats beyond our dimension?
Going to school everyday, going out and seeing everyone out there.. Its hard to remember reality.
People seem so chilled and their faces show no emotion, even if they're rushing for time.
But you dont see their thoughts.
Everyone has problems, some worse than others but still problems.
And, problems cannot be compared with others.
People do things differently, handle things differently, think differently, react differently, feel differently.
By saying: my problems are worse than yours, you're simply judging matters from the surface and its not just.
Two problems can be worlds apart, but the way each person reacts to it defines the degree of pain and hurt.
The person with the seemingly simpler problem may be feeling worse off then the one with the seemingly tougher one.
Thinking too much makes my heart hurt ]: Anyway, homosapiens shouldnt think so much. Although the number of thoughts in your whole life is..
7 trillion approximately. See! People think too much. And it just compliacates things. And makes your insides hurt.
Really starting to detest that stomach flipping, heart sinking, mind blowing feeling. Makes me wanna cry.
Skipskipskipskipskip. Oh and can anyone answer 'Whats a crush?' Is it just a fondness for someone?
What if you see someone and you get all excited and fluttery? No, not blushing. Humans are really weird! Gosh.
Theres love, puppy love, crushes, fondness, admiration, true love, lust and all that other crap.
Why create so many things out of one simple situation? In the olden times, it was just marriage or courtship out of love.
No wait, even then they had such stuff as eloping and all that. But it was still out of only one thing, called love.
Nowadays, people just make it so complicated. If you love someone, then you do.
If you dont, then you dont. Why make such a big fuss out of it? If you love someone, you can withstand all tests.
If you dont, something small can just break that love. Is it that hard? Gosh. Its a freaking four letter word,
Which causes hearts to break all over the world. Sigh. It always feels nice to be in love and to love,
Or does it? *Raises eyebrows*

So anyway, Admiral Bar last night and before that, i sold my PSP at Toapayoh for 200Yusofs.
Damn, my heart broke seeing my BEAUTIFUL Lavender Purple scratchless PSP being sold like that.
I wish Bill Gates was my dad, then i wouldnt have had to do that. ]: Hey, a girl can dream right. ;D
Well, before that, it was the typical Cartel thing with some hooligans ;x namely, Joseph, Kwan, Lyn, Joyce & Weijian.
Then we headed to Sherlyn's house and Joseph did a REALLY STUPID THING with his tiny crumpler.
It was a good joke and pretty embarrassing. For Sherlyn, HAHA. The video should be on Joyce's blog soon.
Oh, it was OBSCENE. Gosh. And Weijian has a really cute laughter! Hahahaha. Yea, and all the typical pillow fights at her crib.
So that was that. And! Bourbon+Lime juice is bliss! Its awesome! I think im in love with lime juice.. *scrunches face*
Sigh, its been long since i've been to Vivo. I wanna go. D: I wanna go with someone.. Like you!
Okay, im being absolutely random here. And i gotta go and get my mother a present! For the very first time.
Im serious, i've never bought her a motherday present before. And i dont want to. But im a nice kid. ;D
Alright, im off. With the crazybeetch who's still playing with her retarded honeylemon water bottle.

Did you forget that i was even alive?

Did you forget everything we ever had?

Did you forget, did you forget about me?

Did you regret ever standing by my side?

Did you forget what we were feeling inside?

Now im left to forget about us.

But somewhere we went wrong, we were once so strong.

Our love is like a song, you cant forget it.

So now i guess, this is where we have to stand.

Did you regret ever holding my hand?

We had it all, we were just about to fall even more in love than we were before.

Somewhere we went wrong,

Our love is like a song.

But you wont sing along.

You've forgotten

About us.

P.S. I know its cheesy to use songs, but 1. I love this song. 2. Its exactly how i feel.

/Edited.

I cannot believe Allison Iraheta was elimated from the finals of American Idol.

But she'll surely have recording companies just waiting for her in lines all the way to Pluto. [:

2009-05-07T19:34:00.002+08:00

You know what. I absolutely hate little girls. No, not those cute little girls with two ponytails.
Those sec ones, ESPECIALLY, who think they're all that. Those little girls who are in fact, complete losers.
Before i get too agitated, i should stop here. I dont wanna say anything about those littlegirls,
Until something is settled, i will hold my tongue and let them think their faux little thoughts.
Then, i will bombard them with words they've never heard in their short lives and insult the shit out of them.
Putting that aside, my Chemistry paper was a piece of cake today except for certain questions,
My POA paper was..about three cakes today, haha. But staying back yesterday paid off a great lot so im content with my paper. [:
Math paper1 yesterday can be thrown in the incinerator, Social studies was a a breeze, a complete breeze, (:
Yea, whatever and whatever and whatever. So my Midyears are coming to an end in 7 more days, cant wait!
Though i do hope that my mugging this year, FOR THE FIRST TIME, is paying off. Haha.
This exam period is really really bad though.. With the lame little girl and her big girl friend. And the breakup.
Its rough, really really rough. And i've really really really changed. It might not seem obvious, at all..
But inside, i know i've changed. Somehow, the things i dare to say now are things i would've never dared to say before.
And i guess, in some ways, i am a little more self-confident, i love myself a little more. Guess..
He really taught me alot. Sigh, its hard to lose a boyfriend, even harder to lose a friend. Gonna have to pull through this alone.
Rough patches are inevitable and how some people get through it unharmed, im utterly amazed, really truly.
Haha. For once, im at a loss for words.. Im just really sick and tired of being a student in Singapore, dumb MOE.
Its not like we dont have enough life crisis and all this swine flu to 'worry' about! We still have to cram our brains with things we'll never use.
No doubt the education in Singapore is one of the best but that doesnt mean that we should be thrown all types of crazy subjects.
I shouldnt be complaining, being in the class with the simplest combination but still, we're all students right.
Sigh. At least we still have teachers that care i mean you Mr Oh :D , [: And a school with horrible junoirs, ;D

Im just a missing you a little more everyday.

Its hard to wake up and know you're not my friend anymore.

Its tough living with those lovely memories of you and I.

And i know i have to give up waiting someday,

But that someday just isnt today.

No more Miss Desperado.

2009-05-04T21:34:00.003+08:00

I swear i have swine flu; im feeling general discomfort, having cough, ramdom headaches, feeling weak and chilly.
Symptoms: Fever, weakness, coughing, general discomfort, chills, sore throat, headaches and such.

Just kill me, swineflu.

2009-05-04T20:57:00.003+08:00

Its suicide.
I think i have stomachflu, or maybe its swineflu. Who gives a flying shit anyway?
Im feeling at my lowest points now.. And apparently, those ahlians are making it worse.
I shall not dwell on lame little girls who dont wanna grow up. As Qiyin might say,
Aku takbuleh tahan kau. And its not my business, i shant be a nosey parker.
I think this post is likely to be irrelevant to anyone and everyone out there but me.
Dawn would just like to.. redeem her heart. Oh, whats worse?
Wanting to cry and not being able to.. or being numb?
Would someone just give me some pill or poison of some sort which would kill me immediately?
That would numb the pain. Forever.
And i would love for that to happen. I dont wanna die at 29 anymore. I wanna die now. Right now.
I dont care if i never turn 16, if i never turn 18, if i never turn 21. I dont care if im still young,
if i still have a forest of trees.
Which i probably dont, looking at my qualities and stuff. Or maybe at the people of today, who have no heart minds souls and brains.
Just give me some pill or something. Or shoot me with a gun. Or stab a knife through me. Or maybe even a hit and run.
I dont know why it hurts so exceptionally much today, and whats worse the constant puking feeling and the fact that..
I couldnt talk about it. Cause when the world's having their own problems, whats yours to them? Seriously.
And anyway, i promised i wouldnt complain anymore. But im not okay. I seem okay, joking and being silly.
C'mon. You think im okay? Its like a plastered smile, and you're telling me im okay? Or maybe not.
You guys tell me he's a jerk, not worth it, he wasnt serious whatever whatever whatever. Hey guys, im not trying to be mean.
But he was serious, he's not a jerk, and he is worth it. I know i sound like a fool, to get hurt like this and defend him.
But screw it. I AM A FOOL. So whatever. Just.. at this point of time i wish i knew what to do.
This breakup was so..sudden, so shocking and so painful. And he is so..irreplaceble. You know how you only find one tree that you like in a forest sometimes?
Yea. Thats how i feel. And i truly felt this way. And thinking of all the words YOU, my dear boy, said when we were together.
It all seems like just..words now. Have you found someone else to love? To say 'i love you' to?
Have you found someone else to watch movies with and to hold? Have you found someone else to walk you home?
Plus, everyone's finding their love. Whereas me? Losing mine. Why does this keep happening?
Over and over and over again. Maybe its the fate of my family. My parents soon-to-be divorced, my sister breaking up with her 3year boyfriend.
And me? Fated to be just like them. No doubt it runs in the hereditary line or some shit like that. Maybe im just thinking crap.
Whatever. Im moodless. All i want to do now is cry. Oh wait. I cant. How incredibly wonderful.
Just.. Take it back. Your words.. Your promises.. Your love. Take it all back. Just take it all back.
You have no idea how much i love you. You have no freaking idea. You have no idea how much you've hurt me.
You have no freaking idea.

Im so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears.

And if you have to leave, i wish that you would just leave.

Your presence still lingers here, and it wont leave me alone.

These wounds wont seem to heal, this pain is just too real,

Theres just to much that time cannot erase.

You used to captivate me by your resonating light,

Now, im bounded by the life you've left behind.

Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams, your voice it chased away

All the sanity in me.

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone,

But though you're still with me, i've been alone all along.

You've abandoned me with a broken heart left bleeding and dying.

Dearest you, were the words you said just..words?

2009-05-03T11:37:00.002+08:00

To the you of my reality.
I've been thinking so much of late and i just cant help thinking that im a fool to love you like this.
In self-defense, i tell myself its your loss. That you can never find someone who loves you like i do.
Who would love you all the way from your perfections to your imperfections.
To your very self-centered core. But sigh, thats only from one point of view. What about another point of view?
That its my loss after all. That i've lost you, the you of my reality. The you that i love with all of me.
That its gonna be my days and months and years of pain, tears and hurt. Whereas you, will get those days, months and years of joyous freedom.
Whereas you can live, free of burden and such, finding someone else to love. And me? In despair.
It makes me feel silly, it makes me feel like the fool for loving you like this still.. And having end up like this.
But thats just one part of me. All in all, its being noble for love, right? I have you in my memories,
Though they wont make up for having you with me by my side. I have you in your memories, you words in my heart.
So what matters now? I dont really have much hopes in you now, im feeling nuetral about everything now.
But what good does it do me? What should i do? Tell me, what should i do when i've lost my best friend?
Wallow in self-pity or just keep on surviving on my own? Obviously i choose the latter. I know i can.
I know i can live without you, but it just hurts. And whats worse is you dont even know nor care.

Alright, im done with the ranting. Hahaha, and my most dreaded paper is on Wednesday.
And im not doing anything about it. I should really really stop being so distracted and start concentrating.
Whats with MOE and their crazy idea of education man, seriously. Haha, but im going out today. Such irony.
Will be heading to Flyer, Henderson Waves, Marina Barrage and maybe some other places to take pictures.
And when i flunk my MidYears, dont come flauting all your awesome results ( for those who mugged ) in my face!
I will smack you so hard! Hahahahaha. :/ Okay so random crap going on. ADAM LAMBERT WAS IN THE BOTTOM TWO.
Oh my mother freaking gosh! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ]: And i think Danny Gokee will win, NOOOO. D:
Ah but i cant do anything about it. Thats how unfair life is. ]: And i'll be lmao-ing when Singapore Idol comes. :D
May 16. HAHA. I will be rofl lmao lol and whatever twitty terms of laughing you can use on that day!
Oh yes, and this year is going by REALLY REALLY FAST. Its already 4 months and 3 days into 2009.
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? Gosh, its like time is flying past. Ah but no doubt this has been the best year in years!
And the faster it goes the happier i am! Then when next year comes, i'll probably look like some grey haired which hasnt been combed in 5 months,
Wearing rags and carrying like, 10 tonnes of books around with papers flying out everywhere and a pen in my ear.
With those big, geeky black specs and running around in loafers carrying a mug of 80cents coffee rushing to mug at some coffeeshop.
THE HORROR! AHHHHH. O levels are a bitch. D: And after that it'll be like, me in 5inch stilettos in a absolutely glam dress,
With like, some totally glam hairdo or whatever going for prom with my dearest girlfriends. Haha, thats a dream eh!
Maybe i'll look pretty for once on that day! ;D Then i'll graduate and i'll be the happiest 16 year old on earth!
Oh throw in the fact that i can LEGALLY watch NC 16! :D I know i sound retarded cause most of yaw are 16 but SHUT UP. Haha.
Dont be a wet blanket. So thats my fantasy for now! And oh! I forget the fact that i will be looking at my certificate in 2011,
And it might just say like.. L1R5: 8 and L1B4: 6. *Shrieks in some bimbo fetish* Thats my dream life..
For the next two years! Then i'll migrate to Los Angeles, get found out by some amazing director or something,
Hit the big screens and have my own brands. With my own mansion, a indoor and outdoor pool and my apartment sized closet,
With all those glam, beautiful clothes..Ah, the sweetness. Okay, im awake from my dreams. :D Reality check..
Ugly duckling in a 5room flat with great friends and flunking her exams and a broken heart. Thats more like it. [:
Haha, doesnt hurt to fantansize right? Love ya'll!

Cause it’s too late, there’s no escape, might as well face it.

Ain’t nothin I can do about it.

It’s been too long, it’s been too strong.

Im stuck in love with you.

2009-04-29T20:00:00.003+08:00

And and and and POPEYE THE SAILOR MAN, TOOT TOOT, He lives in a garbage can, Toot toot.
Then i forgot. Heh! Well, today was a averagely odd day, i guess. Haha! With the exams,
What not weird, right? Haha. Basically, what Ms Aljunied said yesterday came TRUE.
Damn her words. She said yesterday: Tomorrow, Suwanie might just find the questions for
essay unappealing and end up not writing as well as she can.
Erm. Darling Ms Aljunied, it really happened. My reaction to the essay questions were, WTH?!
Yea. Thanks, Mrs Wong who set the paper, you're such a sweetpea. -.- And the passage was..
Atrocious. Im telling you, i will go to China right now and scream in their faces if i could! The passage was undoable!
Its unhumane to give fresh sec3's such a ridiculously challenging paper, in the aspect of vocabulary especially!
Who the hell knows whats PERENNIAL when you're freaking fifteen years old! And why do i care about China's economy?!
My gosh, set a smarter paper will you? *Smacks* Okay, im done ranting. [: And Cartel with the dears as usual.
And so on and so forth and yadda and yadda. Oh and i just realized something which i just totally forgot. :/
Oh heres whats perennial.
–adjective
1. lasting for an indefinitely long time; enduring: her perennial beauty.
2. (of plants) having a life cycle lasting more than two years.
3. lasting or continuing throughout the entire year, as a stream.
4. perpetual; everlasting; continuing; recurrent.
–noun
5. a perennial plant: Daffodils and tulips are perennials.
6. something that is continuing or recurrent.
That was simply out of random curiousity. :D I have nothing interesting to post about today. D: Im a boring person.
Ah, i just remembered. I realized today that i keep shunning away from myself, from reality, from speaking out.
Does anyone have any idea how to say stuff thats in your head verbally? Gosh, it annoys me sometimes.
I seem so lively and.. i dont know, in the virtual world, i can speak with proper english and say what im thinking..
Whereas when it comes to reality.. Especially one to one situations, my mouth fails me and i cant even say the right things.
Thank goodness i live in the 21st Century, not 18th Century London or something.. I would probably die. :/
Get killed for keeping silent or some shit, haha. Ah sigh. Sometimes i just wish i could be straightfoward..
Even in the virtual world i hide a kabizillion things i wanna say. Its like theres this part of me thats just.. there.
And its just waiting to be heard.. But im like, preventing it from being heard. Theres this like, whole part of me people dont know.
And i just wish i could find someone who saw beyond me, who could see that part of me no one knows.
Who could see that underneath all my sarcasm and brave words, through all the nonchalance.. Theres the real me.
Ah gosh.. Really hate this feeling. Really hate feeling like this too. I feel like a horrible person. ]:
I wanna migrate, i wanna start afresh.. I wanna go to a place where no one knows me and everyone gives me a clean slate to start with.
No matter how much people you know say they're willing to give you a clean slate, the impression you have made on them doesnt change.
That impression causes them to think of you the same way as always and you dont have a chance to change at all.
And what with just having lost my best friend. Damn, i really need to pull through this phase of life.
And trust me, im almost there. Just not there yet. Sigh, i cant even find the strength to study right now.
I wanna spend my life reading, is that okay? ): At least i get to live in someone else's world for awhile, sigh.

I still believe in every word you said, in every kiss you gave.

As i muttered those three words, i knew it would be forever til i forgot.

Even a walk in the desert couldnt drain the flowing love i have for you.

Its alright if you're gone, alright if you're not mine.

Your broken promises and soulful kisses, they might be gone.

But you will be alive in my memories; as alive as the very last time i saw you.Y

2009-04-27T20:03:00.004+08:00

.
I still wake up everyday, get dressed.. And think of how much i miss you.
I dont care what they say! Haha. Im thinking of perspectives right now.. And whats your perspective about perspectives?
I've been seeing from many different points of views recently, due to the break up, haha. Interesting huh?
Interesting how people can 'judge' someone through another because of something that has happened.
I think the human race is really cool! I so wanna learn Psychology or something, maybe i'll be a therapist and RAPE YOU! :D
Anyway, i think some of the views i've heard are right.. Like, a guy should always put his girl at the top of his prorities.
Dufus boys, girls need to know that they matter to you. Girls need to know that they're practically your life,
The way you love them matters alot to them. You taking time to understand them and understanding them,
It makes their hearts race with adrenaline. And once they fall for you, i swear, its the sweetest thing ever.
You nincompoops just dont know how to cherish girls. Likewise for girls, i just think we're a affectionate gender, [:
We wanna spend all the time in the world with him.. Sometimes, we're just ignorant of the mayhem, the crisis.
When a girl loves, she loves true. She just wants to feel secure, to feel like she's someone's everything.
She wants to feel loved and cherished, and to know that she means that world to someone, she smiles even in her sleep.
Girls are simple, actually. They know what they want, ask any girl. Trust me, they know, deep down they know.
Guys on the other hand are weird creatures. Sometimes, they want this.. And others, they want that.
They claim to need certain things but arent both genders human? Sexist rights, huh. No sexism here! Haha, just..
A point of view, [: Anyway, to be fair, girls would be nothing without boys and boys, LOSERS without girls.
So we all learn something from each other, right? Fair enough. At least boys kill those nasty creepy crawlies for us, :D
Sigh, boys are horrible aliens from the planet of Jerk [ No errors here. I meant it like that. ] and girls, the lovely,
Blue-green planet called Earth. So we're normal, and boys just plain abnormal. Haha!
Makes me wonder.. Why do girls always have to be the ones left crying and in pain, whereas the guys get what they want?
Well, in most songs.. its the other way round.. But in the real world, its this way. And i find it quite quite true.
Guys can come and go so easily, finding someone new to love every single day even. And girls, just..
The hurt and love lasts forever. Ask a girl who's had her heart broken because of a boy she really really loved.
Ask her if it hurts again, ten years later, and she'll still say yea, it hurts. No doubt, a lil less, but it still hurts.
Ask a guy who's been hurt. Ask him if it hurts five years later, he'll say, whats there to be hurt about?
Just chills me to the bone, thinking that love is a game for guys. Cant trifle with love, one day, you're gonna regret.
You're gonna regret losing that girl who loved you like no one else. You're gonna regret not cherishing that sweetheart who knew you inside out.
You're gonna regret breaking the heart of the girl who made you breakfast, that girl who waited in the rain.
You're gonna regret that girl who sacrificed her heart to see your sexy teeth. [ Im being hilarious NOW?! Silly. ]
And when girls screw up, they just dont see it. Go to hell, seriously. Its so damn tough just to love someone.
Why do people still fall into this bottomless pit called romance? Why do people allow themselves to be vulnerable?
Sometimes, you give all of you. And down you go; crashing, tumbling, and finally burning. How silly can we get?
AND. We always tend to assume, teenagers are so childish nowadays as well. You're called a teen for a reason.
Assume: Making an ass out of you and me. Sigh, i should stop thinking so much. And practice what i preach.
No matter how much it hurts, i promise i will press on. I promise to be a better Dawn, a better person.
Oh and by the way, i dont believe you can only find fulfilling days in church. [: I have found my fulfilling days.
Thats all for today.

And even if i cried a thousand tears tonight, would you come back to me?

And even if i walked out on water, would you come out to sea?

Now i cant spend my life standing by, 'cause even when i miss you, you're not missing me.

Its funny how my heart just wont let it go, i just dont understand.

Its crazy how the pain seems to overflow, the memories of you here with me by my side.

I cant deny that you are the love, the love of my life.

Dearest you, will you rewrite this story with me? Y

Prettty damn right,

I think many of my friends are right. You put yourself above me. They call you a jerk, i redeem you. Is it worth?

2009-04-26T18:50:00.004+08:00

Let the crazy Dawn take over for now, i promise i will smile genuine again.
A brief update. I cant stop talking in a British accent because of my dear girl Sara!
I have REDPACKET MOOLAH! And im so happy about it cause im broke, ):
And i have a great time with my classmates, i really love 3e5 to teensy bits, you're lovely, (:
Thats about it. I just came to realize i lead a very very blessed life, i never saw it.
How blind can i get, i wonder sometimes. Well, my space my thoughts, dont like? Go.
Anyway, yes i really do lead a very blessed life. Although i suffer much pain, still.
But life's a bitch, just gotta look on the other side of things, mostly.
I have the loveliest class which is so enjoyable you couldnt ask for more, truly deeply.
I also have the sweetest, dearest friends who are always always there for me, telling me what to do,
What not to do. Waking me up, scolding people i love! HAHA. They're just awesome beyond words.
I always happen to scrape through my school years without a worry, im always sitting on the fence, yet, not falling.
Despite my family being in ruins, the little pieces are still alive and kicking, quite happily i must say.
I also happen to have great teachers who're like friends and who see behind my poker face, isnt that cool?
I have everything i need and more that sometimes, its obscene. Im not deprived of any materialistic stuff.
And lastly, i had my miracle, a boy who taught me how to love, how to be myself, to love myself, to hang on tight. He even taught me how to speak well, taught me how to speak up for myself, even taught me little things about life.
He taught me how to be open, how to have courage, how to say things when i need to, how to let loose of reigns.
He taught me how to live. And though i've lost him, and he might never know this. I'll always remember him by.
I'll always remember the miracle love i experienced, i'll always cherish our memories, cherish every bit of us.
I'll swear to remember only the good and not the bad. I'll always remember what he taught me, what he said.
Yea, so i lead a sweet life after all right? Hurts and pains dont really matter anymore, they will always sting but..
I'll always have nice things to think about? Even my lovely Master Wugui listens to me. (: Its a soft toy, btw. Ha.
Yea, this is what happened today morning. I woke up and asked Master Wugui, do you miss him?
I told Master Wugui i missed him ( Not Master Wugui. -.- ) bad.. And other stuff. Heh. And Master Wugui just.. Smiled at me. [: Master Wugui rocks! She's ( Dont ask why Master if she's a she. ) a lovely lovely companion.
Well, i should stop letting the sting affect me.. I dont know how long i'll wait this time,
Sigh. Two words, screw it. [: Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox, me.

I wish you'd unclench your fists, and unpack your suitcase.

Lately there's been too much of this, dont think its too late.

Now the story's played out like this, just like a paperback novel.

Lets rewrite an ending that fits, instead of a hollywood horror.

Dearest you, will you rewrite this story with me?Y

2009-04-23T22:08:00.001+08:00

Break my heart and walk away. Thats what you did.
Dawn, WHY ARE YOU IN SUCH A PITIFUL STATE WHEN HE DOESNT GIVE A DAMN.

2009-04-23T20:48:00.002+08:00

Im feeling extremely horrible right now, it hurts. Into my soul, penatrates my heart again and again.
And the worst part is, i keep thinking how much i've changed. I feel very morally not right.
I stress about being morally right, or i used to. I feel like i've lost my moral soundness.
Im not doing people justice now, and my words are so careless. And im not practicing what i preach.
My midyears are next week. To hell with it man, i want to score but im having huge doubts.
I've lost my strongest pillar of strength, lost my strength, my courage, my morality, my rationality.
Lost my joy, my genuinity, my love for life and my love for romance. I detest romance. I detest romance so bad.
I finally remember why i used kidsandromance as my blog address. It was purely sarcasm, it was the 'tsktsk,
Kids and romance.' And i fell into the trap of romance. How silly can i get. Why is trust always taken advantage of?
God, i really cannot stand this pain. I feel like im complaining alot. No more texting to disturb others from today.
I am facing this alone. I gotta learn to not affect others with my crap. I cry too much, Adha once said. God, that hurt.
Its mastering the art of pretending. For now, i will rant on my own space as i like because its my space.
And i keep thinking about the things we could've done together, things we were supposed to do. Crap, man.
I cant stop thinking of you, and i bet you've forgotten me already. Dawn, why're you so damn naive? Gawd.
I feel like crap, in a trikazillion little pieces. It might take me a milennium to get over it this time round.
Damn. I know alot of people are probably quite disappointed in me right now. Im supposed to be better then this.
Arent i? I wont say im silly for any decisions i made this year, so far. I might choose to continue believing in everything happens for a reason.
I have to stay true to my words, be a lady of my words. More importantly, on a happier note (its been awhile.)
I accomplished the mission i always wanted to accomplish for the people i love, Mission Your Smile.
I always wanted to make the person i love happy, even if it takes me all the pain in the world. And i never did it.
Despite believing and trying to do it for years, i've failed time and time again. But this time, i think..
I think i finally succeeded. It used to be them leaving, and both leaving with hearts either broken or not happy.
I never let someone leave me and be happier in a short while, i tend to hold them back alot, im a loser, so there.
But i think i finally made someone's life simpler and happier.. Less complicated. And the best part is,
It fulfilled both requirements of my belief. The you-happier part and the all the pain in the world part.
Not so great for me, but great for you. I rant about how much i need you back, how much it hurts and all that.
No doubt, its true. But i just have to keep true to my words and say you being happy, im content.
Gonna have to live with the pain for awhile now. These bleeding wounds gonna scar bad, lets just say..
For now, i wish i could rewind time. I just realized im making no sense, well to me i am, sigh.

All those lyrics, all those songs.

They prove to me how much i love you,

How upset and broken i am.

But will you ever know? And will you ever heal me like you did?

I just wanna love you again.

2009-04-22T20:18:00.002+08:00

You taught me how to love, you showed me who i was.
Love made me say things i would have never said in a lifetime.
Yet, your very words were the very thing which took my life.
I cant breathe. These words keep replaying.. On and on and on.
I love you, very much.

2009-04-22T18:28:00.005+08:00

I can only fake a smile and cover my tears with laughs.
I will not deny that every minute, it breaks me a little bit more,
That every second, i feel unbearable pain and think of the worst.
I will not deny the fact suicide is the only way out of this brokeness.
The fact that once this is taken away, my heart is left to die.
Ang Qiyin once read my palm and said i was fated to have many short relationships.
I dont wanna believe in that, i shouldnt anyway. Though i have to say im quite a failure.
Well, this is for the square orange i will always love:
It was eight more days til the thirtieth, and in the blink of an eye, its over. Just like that.
I still cant face it, i still cant stop the tears from falling, the tears still well up every second.
But i have to be true to my words right? Loving is about wanting the person to be happy.
And at three am last night, you seemed happier already. You asked me to just close my eyes and think of you.
I did, and i cried. But you're happier, i guess, and thats good enough for me. I still remember each moment,
Every day and all those times with you. When we were simpler, when the love was simpler. The crazy straw hearts..
The Flyer, all those movies, those crazy long walks around town, the long and short bus rides, Clarke Quay..
The random conversations, the serious ones, the sweet ones, the tearful ones, the painful ones and all.
The notepads, the emails, the texts that i will always keep. Did 'us' mean nothing to you at all?
There were many things you said, which it will take me eternity to forget, when you might'nt even remember.
The pain pierces through my heart, surges through my veins and crushes my mind every single minute without you.
You will probably forget me soon, and i dont even know the possiblity of another chance, another us.
We dont cross paths, we dont see each other at all. You have your freedom now, you have your life now.
You have all the time in the world now.. And whatever condition you're dealing with now. You have you now.
Maybe for the first time, i have to say its my loss. They all say stay strong, i promise you im trying.
Im trying to prove to you that i am strong and i can live without you. I dont think im very good at it.
I promise i'll get over you, give me another year or so. I just wish this had'nt happened, but its too late for that now.
Right now, its just you and me. No more us. We could have been, should have been, would have been.
But could not be. Surprisingly, despite you changing and leaving like all the rest before my very eyes,
I still trust you, and i still have hope. False hopes? Only you know. It doesnt seem to hurt you the very least.
I doubt i'll find someone who knows me like you do, someone who might love me the way you might've loved me.
But i dont think you're here to be my everything anymore. I'll still be here, waiting.. Trying to move on but failing.
Whats in your mind is beyond my comprehension. For now, i just dont want to lose a friend.
I need your assurance for this decision. Relationships crash and burn, but true friendships dont. Thats something i would like now..

Dying inside cause i cant stand it, make or break up i cant take this madness.

We dont even really know why, all i know is baby i try and try so hard to keep our love alive.

If you dont know me at this point i highly doubt you ever will,

I really need you to give me that unconditional love i used to feel.

And i know that we said let go but i keep hanging on. Inside i know its over, you're really gone.

Its killing me cause there aint nothing that i can do, baby, i stay in love with you.

And i keep on telling myself that one day you'll come back around.

And i try to front like 'oh well' each time you let me down.

See i cant get over you now no matter what i do.

It cuts so deep, it hurts into my soul, my friends tell me, i aint the same no more.

We still need each other when we stumble at fall, how we gonna act like what we had aint nothing at all.

2009-04-19T22:00:00.002+08:00

Why do people like to pick up the pieces of me, just to shatter them again?
Im tired. You guys ask me to be strong, i cannot. Im sorry. I cant find anymore strength.
I've been smiling, pretending like i dont give a damn. Inside, its piercing, its penetrating, its devastating.
I can no longer find the strength to hold the weight of my mistakes, my eyes are tired of tears.
My heart tired of daggers, of being dropped on the ground over and over again, shattering.
You guys say the people i love just dont see how good i am, just dont treasure me.
If only that were true. Maybe its my fault, maybe its just me. I just screw things up, cause im just an idiot.
Cause i let people in, trust them with my heart, and the just screw me up from the inside.
I try so hard to keep people by my side, to laugh and to be there for people. Doesnt work.
Whats wrong with me? Am i fated to only short-lasting things? Why cant i have something that lasts?
Why cant i cant trust that lasts? Love that lasts? Happiness that lasts. WHY!
Do you even understand how it hurts me? Do you even see that im trying hard not to cry?
Do you even see how much i care for you? Do You Even See Why?
I never break my promises. I never intentionally hurt you. I never stopped trying.
My question is, have you tried like i have?

I. Want. To. Give. Up.

2009-04-19T21:14:00.002+08:00

Cant forget to breathe slow, count from one to ten with my eyes closed. ]:
Dumb chain text, doesnt work. Its called being gullible if you believe in such texts. ):
Alright, yesterday was a awesome day. Met Jieyun, Emyi and Binhui at Bugis,
We shopped, but barely bought anything! And it was over 30 degrees, god.
After that met Adha and watched Knowing, its a good movie! Demanding asshole chose right. :x
Oh, forgot. Lester came yesterday, when i was with the girls. He was so cute! Gosh, haha. Funny duddy. Heh.
And i also realize Singapore is a boring place to shop, after shopping for two days, i bought two things, pathetic!

Met Kau today and went K, yadda yadda yadda. Yeaa, whatever it is. So super sleepy and tired right now
Oh! I forgot a very important day, COMMENDATION DAY. It was so awesome! Not Commendation itself.
I was a nervous wreck, haha. But well, the after 'party' was PERFECT. Everyone looked so good, the teachers.
And everyone was in a great mood. I love Mr Goh! He's so..debonair, so caring, so loving. God, im gonna fall for him. HAHA.
Yea, that day was awesome. Haha. Yesterday was awesome too.. But todays a little shitty. Guess shit happens huh.
Im so tired of thinking so much im not gonna think today. Im just gonna take it all it and be happy-go-lucky.
Sigh, i've changed alot. Wish things werent made so complicated when they're so simple, sigh.

No, please. No.

2009-04-16T19:41:00.003+08:00

LINKS HAVE BEEN ADDED. Request to be linked.
Popeye the sailorman! Poop poop! Im very disgusted, annoyed and irritated now. Very.
There are alot of those stupid flies or male ants flying around my lights, dropping on
MY LAPTOP! Yuck. And they wont go away. Still have like four, irritatingly gross!
Ergh, i shall IGNORE. Something funny happened today, but i forgot what. >:[ Heh.
Well, today was basically a crappy start, a chilled yet sparky morning, a horrible end.
As POA was the last period, so its typically naturally horrible. :D Haha!
If i was a rich girl, nananananananananana. Heh! OH I REMEMBER. Mr Oh bully me! ): He's so cute laaaaa, LOL.
The irony of that sentence, haha. We stayed back for Math remedial; we meaning five of us, namely Younice, Jieyun, Emyi, Jasmine, Shimin and myself. And we learnt about Inequalities and i got horribly bullied by Mr Oh!
He mocked me! Haha, but it was funny. :D He's like, one of the best teachers, and he's leaving after MidYears.
Guangyang just loves to diss us, seriously. Take away our lives, idiots. Haha. Well yea, so yadda and blah.
I barely remember what happened before Math remedial anyway, meh! (: Or do i? *Smug face* HAHAHA.
Screw loose already, hahahaa. Yay! DJ Wars is on! [: And i just got some crap shit from Sherlyn, piss me off.
Oh, Lyn didnt piss me off, (: What she showed me did. I shall NOT elaborate. I shall NOT BE A KID!
%^&*()(*&^%$#$%^&*(*& AAAHHH, SH DAWN SHHHHHH! Okay, so yea. Im psyched for this weekend!
Sentosa & K! Woooweeeeee. Im so gonna be broke! Dawn needs a job, really. I wanna do tuition!
Dont laugh okay! I can speak in proper english without vulgar, grammar mistakes, vocabulary in tune. So diam!
Hahaha, that was a pure contradiction. Well, i really wanna do tuition. Any idea where? Sigh, i need cash. ):
And i wanna slap someone. Well anyway, im feeling very drained. So sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Everythings draining the life out of me, sucking the joy out of me. Life's a vampire, sucks joy. Sigh.
It sucks to feel like this, really does. It sucks to feel like everything you love is being picked and taken away slowly.
Its like someone is slowly picking at pieces of your already broken heart, taking the pieces away one by one.
Leaving you incomplete, shattered and hurting. Its that constant prick of your heart and you never know why.
But then you see the things that're fading away, you see the fear in your eyes. You hear your very own silent screams.
Its watching, wanting to do something about them leaving you so shattered, so vulnerable. But not doing anything.
Its not that i do not want to do anything, its i cannot. If i did something, if i even breathed a word..
That thread holding everything together would fray and snap. I breathe slow, count to ten, and give up.
My mind works on ways to shun this all aside. But it seems my hearts set on figuring it all out. Sigh. What now?
Everything seems okay, no one notices the stitches of my heart, the bonds of the relations slowly tearing apart.
Its snapping one.. by one.. by one.. Its tearing me apart. With all i am, i fall. Hard. All of me, gone.
Everything climbed, tiny steps.. but climbing still, to the top. My hopes rose, my faith increasing, my heart healing.
And when i found my love for life, for the very first time. I found bubbles of joy in everyday, i anticipated each day.
And with one sentence, it came crashing down, crushing me. How can i find strength to stand up again?
I just breathe slow, count to ten, sigh and give up.

I was young but i wasn't naive,

I watch helpless as everything crashes

And still i have the pain i have to carry

A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried.

I would fall asleep,

Only in hopes of dreaming that everything would be like it was before,

But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting.

They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor.Y

2009-04-15T21:48:00.002+08:00

The greatest distance between two people is when one is beside the other yet the other doesnt know how much one cares. Why do i only learn to love when it hurts, only when its tearing apart at the seams?
Why do i only learn to loosen the reigns when theres nothing on the reigns anymore?
Why do i only know how to cry and never make a sound?
Are my bloodcurdling cries of pain not affecting your heart? Are my screams silent?
Is my pain worth.

2009-04-15T18:59:00.005+08:00

3e5's very own, Jonathan Khoh Wei Chong.

"Jonathan found a laptop left behind by a customer in Cafe Gelare at Plaza Singapura,

He was not tempted to keep it for himself and displayed integrity by returning the laptop to its rightful owner."

Hey world! Haha, i love the start to my post! Oh and i edited the pictures, the school aint so classy with such certs. :/

Hahahaha, it was said to be a Macbook! Wow, Jonathan! HAHA. It was a funny assembly, today.

And this morning was really warm that i perspired like a water tap, gosh. *Note to self: I think i need to learn to appreciate myself.

Okay, so today was quite a fun and chill day. Nothing much to talk about today, except Binhui's the highlight, HAHA.

We survived Diana Koh's talk by laughing at crap in the Biology textbook, and she said something damn cheesy.

Me: Binhui, you're the soil. AHAHAHA.

Binhui: If im the soil, you're the plant so you cant live without me.

Corny, much? And we found someone that looks alot like Lester in the Biology textbook, REALLY DOES.

Basically, first few periods, excluding Cheena which is boring everyday, were munching and crapping. :D

Mr Oh is a fabulous teacher, and i do understand Math FYI. And Sherlyn is a man! HAHA. She is, really.

We were munching on chips and candy-ing lollipops. Mr Oh made fun of me, ): And Sherlyn, so we're even! Ha.

Er, Geography was me wanting to sleep and Sherlyn waking me up constantly. Oh, Cheena with Sharmeel's cool!

Assembly, like i said, was fun and cool! HAHA. People need to learn to pronounciate, seriously. HAHA.

Yes, so i agree today is a better day. And then went off to the Eight with Brended, meh. (: Eight's boring! Hm.

Friday's Commendation Day, rubbish. And yadda, and blah and so on and so forth. Heh.

I wanna migrate! Los Angeles, here i come! Singapore's really very very boring! So fake, so fake.

What they dont have, they built, and they build it so much so that its world famous. Nincompoops, much?

Like, they dont have bays, they build Marina Bay. No actual bungee jumping, G-Max. River? Singapore River.

Water theme parks? Wild wild wet. Hill? Bukit Timah Hill. Brands? Paragon. Dam? Yishun Dam.

Lame, much? My gosh, Singapore is such a screwed up place. Even the people. They're screwed too. (:

Like middle-aged aunties suffering from menopause and treating Gen Y teenagers like nonentites, kiss mah arse.

'Kiasu' til they're so overboard they dont even realize it. C'mon lah, its the 21st century, grow up for petes sake.

No courtesy, no manners. Even foreigners. No respect, no self-dignity is it?! The only people who are humane?

Caucasians. They're well brought up with perfect manners and pleasant looks on their faces and dont tsk for nuts.

Oh, long long post. Meh. ): Okay, *note to self: be yourself!, American Idol's Adam Lambert; Mine mine mine!

He's so awesome, so dope, so fly so whatever good and positive word you can think of! FLYYYYYY.

Okay, to keep you from tearing due to boredom like i did, faux-ly, today. Bye people! Byebyebyebyebyebye.

I could stay awake just to hear you breathe,

Watch you smile while you're sleeping while you're far away dreaming.

I could spend my life in this sweet surrender, i could stay lost in this moment forever.

Every moment spent with you is a moment i treasure.

Lying close to you, feeling your heart beating.

And im wondering what you're dreaming, wondering if its me you're seeing.

Then i kiss your eyes, and thank God we're together.

I just want to stay in this moment with you, forever and ever.

I just want to hold you close, feel your heart so close to mine.Y

2009-04-14T21:11:00.000+08:00

Doesnt this just look delish? ;D You so want to eat it.

2009-04-14T20:34:00.002+08:00

They always say tomorrow will be a better day, thats a lie. For today anyway. IRRITATED.
My dumbsillyannoyingstupidscrewedup phone isnt functioning as it is supposed to be, PFFT.
The horrible Commendation Day rehearsal was a pure waste of my time and it was hell, really.
It was freaking hot, freaking boring, freaking lame, freaking annoying. Yes, it was freaking freak.
Class was pretty boring, dance people were all gone & XuJieyun didnt come today,
I learnt what guys talk about when they're together. DOTA & FOC ( Fight of characters)
How boring. Seriously, what they talk about is really truly boring. I think girls talk is so much cooler!
And since i got my G.P Award & Jonathan Khoh got jealous and cut it up, you know what? I dont want it.
And blame it on the very people who want me to get it, or in my case, do not care anyway, right Mom&Dad?
I think i have the least supportive parents of all. They have no idea how glad i am i got that freaking award.
It means so much to be but simply a nonentity to them, so screw them screw the award. They dont wanna be there,
FINE. Dont. I dont give a shit. I have no idea why i try so hard to please them when they cant be bothered.
When i fail, they're not happy. When i get an award, they dont give no shit. They will never read this,
So whats the fooking point of ranting? Just screw them. I so dont deserve to be treated like crap. Seriously.
At least i have cool teachers, who are surprised but still are proud of me for getting that award.
Oh and they're not the people who raised me up, HAHA. Maybe i should call them my parents instead, ha.
And now my DUMBASS phone will not work. SHIT YOU, PHONE. SHIT. YOU. So annoyed, gosh.
Rant rant rant rant rant, todays a bad horrible terrible completely utterly disappointing painful day.
Kill me, seriously. Jonathan Khoh's such a bitch as well, and so is Lester. Such idiots sitting next to me.
'Least they make me laugh. But they're mean people. Very mean. They abuse and bully me, idiots. Grr.
I think everythings slowly screwing up. I need a plier or screwdriver. Unscrew all this shit.
I dont wanna feel like this, dont wanna cry everywhere I go. Dont wanna bleed like this, dont wanna hurt like this.
Why're you doing this, God? Theres a reason for everything, i believe. Im supposed to be in pain, i do not believe.
Wake up, Dawn.

Everybody's screaming

I try to make a sound but no one hears me

I'm slipping off the edge

I'm hanging by a thread

I wanna start this over again.

2009-04-13T20:33:00.004+08:00

Hello-oh poopies! Im listening to 98.7FM DJWARS, so cool lah. :D I wanna be a DJ, :x
Van & Young are so dope. Haha, but why do they have American accents? Is that a must? :x
Hahaha, Aiden just told me he's friends with Des & Soo, is that some swipe at me. ): Haha.
Okay rant rant rant, go Van & Young! ♥ Haha, Muttons are soooo cu-te. :B HAHA.
Kay so, yesterdays service was pretty coolio. And the illustration of God's china shop is..
Simply mind-gripping. Shan't elaborate cause i think it would be very ironic to be holy here.
But yea, from porcelain toothpicks to a Ming dynasty vase, we've broken something in His shop.
Hm, Easter service really made me think manymany. Thats so twit, omg. Yes, it made me think deep. Very.
But truth be told, im quite happy the way my life is now. Even though at times it seems it not here nor there,
Its actually quite there. :D I've found someone to love, i've found people to love, i've found love. See? Haha.
Well, ( God, Van & Young! Go go go! ) Okay, random. But yea, i've got my friends, good friends, close friends.

I've got my Good Progress Award, surprising much but yes, i got it for my Sec2 End year results.
Jealous, much? [: But yea, im so proud of myself, really. Its the first time in my whole short life, finally i can breathe.
Basically, this is the highlight of my day. :D Haha, its an interesting conversation! No boredom intended.
Me: Hello? *Whispers to Jieyun, who the hell is this?!*
Person: Hello, is this Suwanie?
Me: Ya? *I mean like, you're calling my handphone right.*
Person: Its Ms Aljunied here, are you still in school?
Me: *Say what?!* Oh oh oh, hello. No.
Ms Aljunied: Oh. I just wanted to inform you that you've gotten the Good Progress Award, so you need to be
present at the Commendation Day to receive your award and I wanted to pass you a letter for your parents.
Me: OMG ARE YOU SERIOUS? I mean, oh okay.
Ms Aljunied: Yes. So i will pass it to you tomorrow, remind me okay?
Me: Ya, okay. Thank you, bye. *Omfriggingosh*
ITS SERIOUSLY DAMN SHOCKING and i was shrieking, hahahahaha. So it was like, seriously omgomg.
And really not happy about having to attend Commendation Day cause its f-r-iggin boring. No joke.
But whateverrrrrrrr! Things like this just happen to me out of random, hahaha! Yes, today is a Dawn-ish day. :D
Haha, other funnycrazylamestupidretardedsillynonsensicalrandom things happened today! Shan't describe.
Yea, and the DM needs to have his eyes fixed. ): Okay, with that aside, hahaa, today was a fun day. [:
And i need a haircut. :/ And im bored. And i wanna go shopping, but i have one Yusof dollar. Poo you. Pfft.
Kay, i shall stop here. Last but surely not the least, GO VAN & YOUNG! ♥

The marks of your lips stained on my broken heart.

Im bearing the scars of my love.

2009-04-11T22:07:00.002+08:00

OHMYFRIGGINGAWD, WATER ON MARS! I DISCOVERED IT! ;D
Im so lame. I like i like, (: Zhixin just called me sensible, my gosh! LOL. Thats a joke. [:
I cant remember what i did yesterday, so i wont blog. OH I REMEMBER! Haha.
I was supposed to go Sentosa but i was burnt, why? I dont know. :x So i didnt go.
Then i met Qiyin, went Admiralty blew down a piggy's house, then went Admiral Bar.
And spilled Tiger all over myself, NOT MY TIGER, just to clarify. [: Yeap, so reached home at one plusxzxz.
Today, Central had Eggcite, & i went. Amazing, i know. Not. Okay so it was at West Coast Clementi West.
I found that out from a nice guy, my arse, called Sebas, which is a yxk! HAHA, yao xiu kia. :x Sounds so lian-ish.
But anyway, he directed me a lil here & a lil there, am grateful, THANKYOU CAT WITH NO BALLS! :B
So yea, played alot of gross games & it was BURNING HOT. That explains my burnt self now. :D
Im red in the face, arms, legs. Its called sunburnt & a sexy tan you noobies. Haha, im being arrogant. :x
No! I cant be arrogant! Im not Chewmin. Pfft, im being mean. Shut up, Dawn. Okay so anyway, it was fun.
Although i had to use my foot to put a sponge which had been in eggyolk like, 4 times and put in it the eggyolk.
And try to carry it across a field. And it was egg-mania, seriously. Haha. It was good fun with good friends. :D
We then headed to Clementi, supposedly, but ended up at West Mall. And amazingly, my mum works there.
So yea, we ate there.. chilled abit, talked about movies. Walked around a little and stuffs, yea, good times.
And im seriously burnt, owch. ): Okay, continue-ing. Then came onto MSN & Sherlyn started ranting.
About a certain girl who has no originality and no brains to learn how to reflect on her own attitude.
And yes, it got me pissed. But im afraid of lians, ): AHAHAHAHA! Okay, and Joyce called me gek kiang, -.-
Well, all in all, todays a great day. Made fun of people, got made fun of, a little of everything.
Everything sweet, sugary and nice. Like Powderpuff Girls, haha, powderpuff, suckers. :x They're cool! :D
So yea, now i've got a cool tan! Which i love! And a lobster red face, which i.. lovehatelikedislikeheartnotblah!
Tomorrows Easter service & i shall grace Suntec City with my presence and create havoc with my craziness. :D
Which i believe i will be very crazy. Sometimes, craziness really eases the pain. :D Its a joy to be crazy.
You dont think so much. And its nice to love yourself, you dont hate yourself so much. [:
And my exams are coming, 29th, on the 21st shall be my very last chilloh day, will be going for the B&J's thing.
I need to learn self-discipline. I need to be extremely self-disciplined. I dont want a boyfriend, iwantamanfriend! :/
HAHA, such an ass. Okay, goodbye people. Love, me. (:

How many times can I break till I shatter?

Over the line can't define what I'm after ,

I always turn the car around

All that I feel is the realness I'm faking,

Taking my time but it's time that I'm wasting,

Always turn the car around.

2009-04-09T19:35:00.003+08:00

I knew it! I will post again, after such a short period time! I think im blogger crazy, :/
I was just thinking of some random stuff. Like relationships, okay not random, haha!
Isnt it just cruel how people treat love like a game? Its cruel how people judge others, too.
And if two people were 'meant to be', but because one of them judged the other a bad way,
They might never end up together. Or maybe one judged before getting to know the other better.
Sigh, its so horrible. Seeing people i know, getting hurt, falling for those who dont love them.
Eh seriously, there's a glitch in love! Why do people always fall for those who dont love them! Haha, major glitch.
And why do people always not know how to cherish those that love them the most. Some people get kicked about like a soccer ball, thrown around like a basketball, some get broken and shatter like glass and mirrors.
Cant things be simple? Why does the human brain and heart have to make things so complicated?
Why do people have to judge others from their screwed up brains when the person might'nt be not at all like that! Sometimes, i really think people should just take a deep, long breath and think properly, deeply and sanely.
People are really rash, impulsive and think with their asses. Wonder what your minds are for,
Wonder what your experiences and heart is for. Sometimes, we have to realize that we're not the only one alive.
That we're not the only one with feelings and wants. Sometimes, we have to stop taking things for granted.
Especially people. And i've learnt that the hard way. People matter most, how could you live alone, really.
If the people around you, you take for granted, one day when they leave you, whats left of you?
When the person who loves you so much chooses to leave you, who's gonna love you?
Life's a major killjoy sometimes. Taking away the things you love most, taking away all you love at a go.
What would you do if something you loved was taken away from you?

I have a swollen eye! It hurts like i got punched in my iris! Ouch, hurts. ):

2009-04-09T18:39:00.006+08:00

My first two collages, yes there are very screwed up. Shut up about it. Many pictures cant be seen properly, shut up!
Haha, so basically, it has some fun pictures and mostly pictures of the people & days that made my life. :D
Haha, if you see your face, congrats! I dont care if its unglam, & some pictures i never knew i had! :D Haha!
Well yeaaaaaaaa, :D I kinda like it! Haha, though Marcus's face keeps appearing, ah! :x Hahaha! Okay,
Today was fun! Very very fun. :D Yea, thats my day. Too lazy and not bothered to describe. :D Haha.
Oh i found another way to do a collage! But i shant do it. Until i hit my goal. :D Which is..
To take an amazing picture with the people i treasure most! :D Then after that i'll make the beautiful collage!
Omg, Simon Cowell just eliminated Scott Macintyre. ): Anoop Desai should be elimated! NOT SCOTT!
Its so sad seeing them live. ): Liew, stupid Anoop. Pfft. Yeaa! Kay, im gonna go busy myself.
Probably will come back here and type random/meaningful crap later! Byebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebye.

How many times can i break til i shatter?

2009-04-08T20:41:00.002+08:00

Remember those walls i built? Well baby, they're tumbling down and they didnt even put up a fight.
They didnt even make a sound. I found a way to let you in, but i never really had a doubt standing in the light of your halo.
I got my angel now. It's like i've been awakened, every rule i had you're breaking, its the risk that im taking,
I aint never gonna shut you out. Everywhere im looking now, im surrounded by your embrace.
Baby, i can see your halo, you know you're my saving grace. You're everything i need and more,
Its written all over your face. Baby i can feel your halo, pray that it wont fade away. I can feel your halo.
Hit me like a ray of sun, burning through my darkest night. You're the only one that i want, think im addicted to your light.
I swore i'd never fall again, but this dont even feel like falling. Gravity cant forget, to pull me back to the ground again.

2009-04-08T18:39:00.005+08:00

She says i look damn malay, really?! :/

Mango&Durian Shaved Ice, yumyumyum! T'was really nice.

Isnt he cute! LOL. Not.

Look alike right! :D :D :D

First, idk what im doing. Second, Jieyun looks damn funny!

Shot by Marcus, self-proclaimed photographer.

'Im health conscious!' says Marcus. ( Thats really what he said.)

-Showing off pits- LOL. Binhui was imitating Marcus.

'Wahlau! I play with pillow also get taken!' JonathanKhoh.

'Look like me right!' Says Binhui.

Jieyun: I dont want chicken! Binhui: Why the chicken mouth so big?! Marcus: Na na na!

Grandma Chicken. :x

'Hmm, i wonder if the coke is drink-able.'

Haha yeap, basically, that was my few weeks ago & my yesterday. (: Shall post about yesterday. (: AND!

ADAM LAMBERT JUST GOT A STANDING OVATION FROM SIMON COWELL! Go Adam! ♥

Well, yes. Continue, hahahaha. So we, Marcus JonathanKhoh Lester ShawLeong Binhui Jieyun Emyi,

Met to celebrate Jieyun&Emyi's birthday. We watched Unborn, I truly deeply extremely regret. Haha. Really.

Im damn afraid now, so shut up! :/ Well, i wasnt watching half the time, i was screaming at stupid things.

Laughed at the upside down head dog though, its not bad if you like paying to scare yourself so go for it! :/

And Jonathan was scared! Ahahahahaha! -Covers eyes- 'Shit, its coming its coming.' HAHAHAHA.

Okay, i shouldnt be laughing at him. Sh, Dawn. (: So after that, we headed to Mind Cafe. (: A first for me.

It was a pretty cool place, its good overall. (: Good service, good seating, good temperature, good blah.

I only didnt like the lighting. But thats redundant. So yea, haha. I found out about this game called Anti-Monopoly.

HAHA. Retarded right! Yea, basically its force your opponent to bankruptcy! But we played Snorta!

Basically it has to do with animal noises and remember each others animal noise, the exact same way the do it.

Imagine the hilarity of it all! It must've been a joke to watch. Especially watching Lester go meow meow! :/

Because you're supposed to voice the sound of the person which opened the matching card with you, basically.

So JonathanKhoh & Lester's cards matched, they started pointing at each other, went OHOHOHOHOH!

And Khoh went 'Meow meow meow!!!!!!' Which was Lester's animal sound, & Lester followed. Hilarious.

And alot of other retarded stuff! Which would be too lengthy to detail anyway, but it was very very funny. :D

Emyi had to do a forfeit, we wanted her to kiss a guy at the table! Or ask a stranger, a guy, for his number!

But in the end, we stuck with standing up, shouting 'Hey! Touch my body! Whoa!' Haha! She did it thrice.

And we made her go to the waiter, cause Jonathan wanted to change his lime juice to coke, so we wanted her to say.

'Can i have a cock please?' Omg, it was darned sick. :/ And alot of crazy stuff happened. :D

Like when i threw the frog at Marcus, it went for a swim under the couch and never came back. ):

And new nicknames for many other people. :D Right, Grandma Chicken? Haha, it was a jolly fun time!

Lets do it again someday! So after that, we headed off to play pool at Parklane. Mankit came over.

You should see how noob we looked, seriously noob. So lets skip the horrifying details and move on. :D

Jonathan, Lester & Binhui left. OH YAH! Marcus agreed to take a picture with Binhui but not Jieyun! Ahaha!

Loser, Jieyun. :/ So anyway, after they left, we headed to Plaza sing for shaved ice. It was goo-oooood. :D

And Marcus called the fishes in the fish tanks sashimi. -.- Such a retard, aye. And that was about it. :D

It was a unglam, fun and memorable day. :D Oh and we payed 5 dollars for a cup of coke. ): Losers, right!

Okay yea anyway, today was fine. :D Had a good day with Lyn, aye? :D Girl talk, and she got kinky on me!

Such a bee-tch! She got so kinky on Joyce as well! And Joyce tried to make me kinky cause she was kinky.

Such a loser, she failed. Haha, and i hid her wallet, balanced it on my foot, and she didnt know. Haha!

Yeaa, Sara is a big bundle of joy to be around as well. :D Then me & Jieyun went to goof off at J8. :D

Oh yes, Happy Birthday Yong Mingquan! Dont blame me for not being there for your partay!

I wasnt invited. ): But i hope you still remember me kk! I dont think you do though. ): This kinda friend, tsk.

Haha, yea yea yea. I need Yusofs, wondering how to get them. Cant even work, dumbass school.

Exams are from 29 April to 14 May, what the heck right, seriously. But i really want to do well, help me? D:

I must learn to be hardworking like Jonathan Khoh! Not. Okay, Good Friday outing guys! I want i want! :D

And, 2009 is coming along perfectly perfect. Valleys in life are inevitable, just gotta take them in stride.

Thank you Lyn, Joyce, Qiyin, Isaac, Adha, Donal, Alex, Sara, Sharmeel, Jeremiah, Lihern and Phyllis.

Small parts played, big parts played, you still played a part. You cared for me. Thank you. (:

Why do we push away the guys that make us smile, but fight so hard for those that make us cry? - Bin's blog.

Just a little food for thought. :D I think many people will agree on this, right ladies? :D

All the single ladies all the single ladies! OHOHOH. Kiss me through the phone, kiss me through the phone! ♥

Well i hoped that since we're here anyway

We could end up saying things we've always needed to say

So we could end up stringing

Now the story's played out like this

Just like a paperback novel

Lets rewrite an ending that fits instead of a hollywood horror.

2009-04-07T10:15:00.003+08:00

My heart breaks.
Hell-oh funky Martians living on Earth! Omg, the pictures.. horrible. HAHA. :/ Okay. Whatever, it has some of the people that have stood by me, so blah! :D Todays e-learning! No school! But me & Lyn woke up with our eyes so tired we couldnt see properly, HAHA. And im done with E-learning! With the exception of Math which i'll probably leave 29384789645023984 blanks anyway! :x Also, am going out later. :D Jieyun&Emyi's birthday. Going to watch either Shinjuku[s?] incident or Unborn. &%^ #$$%& I dont wanna watch Unborn! :/
And im supposed to watch Shinjuku Incident with Brandon and some others. :x But whatever. :D Can always watch twice, yeayea? (:
Hm, past few days have been.. indescribable. Haha, i like Clarke Quay. :D
Who wants to go chill there with me? :D Oh yea, Matthew Charlene and Melissa still owe me a day of chilling!
You buffaloes! Pfft. Easters coming, Good fridays coming.
Wonder what im gonna be doing. Its so different.
And i cant ask for anything. 'Will you have me back?' Hahaha, so not.
Ah, Dawn has been dumb, very very dumb.
But like what Jieyun & I said yesterday, your fate is in your own hands.
And of course, in God's.
But you make the decisions, you path your life. So.. I need to learn to be wise. I need to learn to not be blind.
Btw, Kimora Lee Simmons has one of the largest collection of Louis Vuitton in the world!
And she said 'I have so much Louis Vuitton its obscene!' Omg, give me! LOL. Me & Jieyun went BHG,
And we saw this super pretty Sembonia and Carlo Rino wallet! And a m)phosis tote bag caught my eye!
Wo yao! :x But i dont have Yusofs. ): So friggin broke. Still have to buy gifts. Birthdays shouldnt exist.
Wait, thats a lie. :D Okay. Anyway, i just wanna say thanks to Joyce, Lyn, Isaac and Qiyin.
Thank you. For being there for me these past few days. For giving me advice, for just hearing me out.
I know what you guys are saying, i'll think properly. But for now, its all good. I just hope things'll stay good.
I love you, thank you thank you thank you. You guys are the loveliest people. :D Its nice to have friends. :D
But true friends are hard to find.. And my dads angry. For what?! Omg, what did i do. -.- Irritating.
Anyway, ahh.. Dont wanna continue. :D Byebyebyebyebyebyebyebye, okay shut up Dawn, BYE!

Dear You, can i have my family back?

My Dad, can i have my family back?

My King, can i have my family back?

My love, can i have my family back?

My Lord, can i have my family back?

My friend, can i have my family back?

My you, can i have my family back?

2009-04-05T02:26:00.003+08:00

You. The one and only you. Whats wrong?
I know. I know im annoying. Yes, i am. FYI, i never cried like this in my whole life.
I went Hilltop. Cause i needed a break from everything.
To feel like my world was tipsy, to have my head throbbing.
To cry like shit and sob and let the tears flow like no one's business.
It felt like crap. Coming to the realization that our love might cease to exist.
All i wanted to do was take a cab down to your place. And remind you of us.
The us that went to went to watch Coming Soon and i hid in your shoulder.
The us that went to Henderson Wave and sorted out our conflict.
The us that took countless bus rides and loved every minute.
The us that went to Flyer and and saw the beautiful scenery.
The us that watched many movies and laughed, cried and got bored.
The us that ran in the rain and just laughed about anything.
The us that went through two nights together and only got closer.
The us that was in a little bubble of our very own. And nothing could cut through.
Every minute, i dont regret. It hurts with every single heartbeat.
But i know i cant cry anymore. All i want is your adorable smile.
And i know with your joy, my desires will be void. I just want you to be okay.
Even if it takes all of me. I just want you to be alive again. I just want to see that you i knew.
Every decision you make, i'll respect. Every word you say & ever said, i'll remember.
The good times and the bad times. That made us who we are. And i'll never forget that.
I love you.

2009-04-04T13:37:00.003+08:00

Im in love with you,
the one who wants a Caramel Frappe, Triple Chocolate B&J's and a double cheeseburger.
Such a bitch. :x KIDDING.

2009-04-04T11:28:00.005+08:00

Do you wanna be somebody else? Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more? Before your life is over.
Are you stuck inside a world you hate? Are you sick of everyone around.
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies. While deep inside you're bleeding.
No you dont know what its like, when nothing feels all right.
You don't know what it's like, to be me. To be hurt, to feel lost, to be left out in the dark.
To be kicked when you're down, to feel like you've been pushed around.
To be on the edge of breaking down, and no one's there to save you .
No you don't know what it's like. Welcome to my life.
No one ever lied straight to your face, and no one ever stabbed you in the back.
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay. - Welcome to my life, Simple Plan.
Shall not elaborate. Well, yesterday was Sports Day, i shall not hide the pain. Responsibility has gone from heroes to zeros.
They wont even cheer anymore. Ever since the senoirs graduated, Responsibility house is seriously pathetic. Really.
Ah, shan't lament about that. At least i had a good time. :D I think i found a temporary cure for pain. (: Its called 'craziness.'
Haha! But i really am serious. Being crazy and just getting high really helped me forget all the pain and hurts, for awhile.
So yea, its pretty good, i didnt feel empty, thats even better. And Joyce, i love you! True friends are hard to find. :)
Well, Responsiblity's 6 year cheerleading champion record's gone. Haha, but i think they did good anyway. :D
After sports day, headed to Hub with Joyce, Sara, Lyn, Jieyun, Joseph & MarcusKwan. Ate dinner, went home. :/
Oh, no. I forgot the part when we were goofing around. Sara's head got stuck in a plastic bag, a Mos Burger plastic bag.
Haha, and so did Joyce's and Lyn's. It was funnnnnnyyyyyyyy! Had a pretty good time with clique and all. (: So yea.
Also ran 2.4 yesterday, it was horrible! But i think i passed. :D Got this crazy pain in the right side of my stomach,
Made me cry. Irritating. Pfft. Then got all dizzy and giddy, which Lyn got too. Then suffered from headache the whole day. -.-
Well, we also showered in school! And i think its damn good to shower after 2.4. Haha, it feels so darn good, really.
And the school showers arent that bad! :D And at J8, Lyn and Sharmeel & Bin played wrestling. Not literally, animation.
Where the whole world could see them. And Lyn&Sharmeel got thrashed. Haha! Go Undertaker! :x
We all did some dumb stuff. (: And i got free trips everywhere! Cause my darned ez-link card kept showing invalid. -.-
OH OH OH. 'Brilliant! Just Brilliant! Thats it. Thats it! Fine lah! Fine! Brilliant lor! Brilliant!' Haha. Go Sherlyn! :x
Yes, life has been filled with alot of hoo-ha. Sigh. Ah, thinking about alot right now. Shan't blog, too wordy. :x
OH YEAH. Im in loooooooooooooooooooove. With Adam Lambert & Kris Allen! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

And to make this blogpost more meaningful, i learnt that trust is extremely important in all friendships and relationships.
Its hard to trust, and trust is hard to earn and easily broken. But without trust, nothing'll work out right. Really. Sigh,
Going through extremely tough times right now. Yet, i cant find anyone to turn to. And im losing those dearest to me.
Why're you doing this to me, life? Why're you allowing this to happen, God? Im certainly not that strong.

How could this happen to me, I made my mistakes.

Got no where to run, the night goes on as I'm fading away

I'm sick of this life, I just wanna scream

How could this happen to me.

Everybody's screaming, I try to make a sound but no one hears me

I'm slipping off the edge, I'm hanging by a thread I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered

And I can't explain what happened, and I can't erase the things that I've done

No I can't.

2009-04-01T17:28:00.008+08:00

Good day world. Im at Starbucks with Mister Kau, after one day of horrifying
Internet failure, Wireless@SG has learnt to love me too! :D Xoxoxoxox. (:
Well, im in a better mood today. Though all those screwed up sec ones ruined my day. But after all, the lesser the pain, the easier i get through the day, so good for me!
Im gonna go work on my geography project soon, but a little summary about my day.
The morning was fun, after pranking Sherlyn, oh sorry, i forgot.
HAPPY APRIL FOOLS. :D Anyway, i told Lyn i fell and there was alot of blood. Then alot of crapsxzxzxzxz, so Lyn was worried. Then i said.. Hahahaahah, Happy April Fools. :/ Hahaaha!
Then i pranked Donal that i had dengue and was in the hospital. (: And he said he wont care about me anymore!
And i pranked Adha as well, saying that i had pierced my tongue. (: And he wanted to kill me. ): Haha.
I oh-so-love April Fools. :D Well, i pranked Mr Oh too! I walked into class saying 'Mr Oh! Never zip your pants!'
He looked down and said 'REALLY?', then i said, happy april fools. (: And i did horrible things!
I took Indah's bag and hung it outside, she didnt know at all! Til like, an hour later. And i took Lyn's Frank,
Put it on top of the whiteboard, but she got mad. ): So i pranked Younice instead, taking out all her pens,
Returning her the empty pencil case and putting the stationery one by one on top of the board.
It was funny seeing them jump for the stuff, shorties, HAHA. :/ Im tall! (: Being self-confident here! :D
So yea, thats about it.. It was good while it lasted. Didnt have a good laugh though, thats the bad thing bout today.
I've learnt that i have to laugh everyday! Laughing certainly eases my pain, my hurts.Yea, i need to learn.
So i'll end here, i might post again. We'll see.

I've stopped hoping for your texts,

I've given up on the sweet talk and honeyed words.

Im sticking to cold, flat reality.

The reality that you broke me, without knowing.

/Edited.

Im home. And everything's hurting all over again. I know i know i know, Dawn, dont think, give up.

Dont tell me all this shit, guys. My heart says dont give up, im not giving up, okay.

This is for you. I wanted to meet you today, to pass you some important stuff, important to me, maybe not for you.

Im not gonna ask you out for awhile, unless you ask me then of course i'll agree, but im not asking.

I just realized you've changed in a span of one week. How fragile can we get? Seriously.

This hurt im feeling, is the exact same pain that lasted two years. But because of you, it went away.

But now, you're bringing me back to the same nightmare. The same pain, the same void feeling day in, day out.

Im being self-centered now, being not concerned about you now, being all me me me now. I know.

But i dont want to feel this way, i want you back. I want us back. You found me, i lost you.

This is for all of you, im not Dawn anymore. Im not happy, im not joyful, im not happy-go-lucky.

Im hurt, im broken. Dawn's gone, i cant find her anymore. I wonder, who's living this life now.

I cant find any strength to go on, to say 'dont worry, he/she will realize it someday, press on.'

I cant find any strength to say 'Dawn, the pain wont last, love to your best. Be the best you can be.'

I cant find any strength to say, 'Dawn, you treat others the way you want them to treat you. Do it.'

No, i cant. All im feeling now is down down down down down. All i can do now is watch.

I miss the old Dawn, i miss the way i wanted to treat others to my best, i miss all i had. I miss you, i miss me.

Im sick and tired, deep down i just want to give up. But i know if i give up, i wont be able to live.

I cant live without you. What else can i do but tolerate, what else can i do but love even more.

Its hard for me to look at the mirror every morning and see my reflection, its harder to see my eyes.

I want you back. I want us back. I want everything back. But is it possible?

Its been days since i've smiled from my heart,

Days since you made me laugh.

Did you realize?

Do you sense my pain?

You have yet to answer my numorous questions.

Im left with a heart full on raw wounds.

Oh by the way, thanks for being part of my departure, all of you.

/Re-edited.

Just now, Mister Kau said BK once told him.

'When it comes to backsliding, never give up on that person. Keep that person informed. Sometimes, they just need attention.'

I think this is something very true and that will help alot.

Even after Mister Kau left for 2 months, his cg is still texting him from then to date.

But i guess im not so blessed to have that. No more texts from any of you, i guess once again, im forgotten.

By the people most dear to me. Amazing, Dawn. You're that detestful.

2009-03-31T22:04:00.001+08:00

See the picture of Edward Cullen? Heres a joke with it. 'How do you slow down a vampire?'

Stick a fan in his face. :D And theres also the three hottest stars, Gabriel, Jonathan & Lester. :D

Last but not least, my drawings of the most amusing laughing methods. ROFL & LMAO. :B

And, I WANT A RING. Boo. :/ Kay, done crapping. Oh one last joke.

How do you identify a ahbeng in class? He's the one that erases off his notes when the teacher erases the board.

SHHHHHUSSSSHHH; BK's blog. (:

2009-03-31T21:08:00.004+08:00

Dreams become reality. Ha, something im hearing on televesion.
Well, today is a averagely perfect day. (: After speaking with Alex yesterday,
After speaking with Donal today, despite their lousy advice and same comments.
I have let loose a little bit, not thinking so much, being less depressed of course. (:
I stayed back in school with Sara, Sherlyn, Joyce, Sharmeel, Binhui, Jieyun & Emyi.
It was a good laugh, i must say. (: And we ordered Macdonald's in school again. :D
Well, we found out that Sherlyn has alot of bad habits. :/ And we made ChungAn drink 'strawberry milk'.
It was actually a mixture of Milo, Chicken Pasta, Bandung, Macaroni and Soya Bean. :/ Haha! That was coolio.
So anyway, todays definately a better day. Hopefully, tomorrow will too. I also had a good time chilling,
While MrKau studied, at Coffee Bean. :B I played this game called Mahjong Titans, not bad not bad. :D
I also made a sign for my mum's shop! Im so proud of myself! :D Also, i havent used singlish in awhile. Yay me!
Well, Qiyin's gone for OBS, so thats one person to live without, ouch. :/ And ____ will only be back in days.
I hope things will turn around. Sigh. Im in a dilemma. I hear the whoosing of the whirlwind around me.
I need to learn to be less dependant and reliant on people. Dawn needs to learn to not bug people and make people spend every day of their lives with her.
Dawn needs change. Personality, character. Everything.

There she goes,

There she goes again.Y

I WANT TO GO OBS! Shit Guangyang. PFFT.

2009-03-29T21:50:00.002+08:00

Just when the tears are rolling down my cheeks, everyone abandons me.
So this is how it feels like to be emotional? This is how it feels like to be a pest.
Now i'll stop cursing rats and insects. Cause i completely know how they feel.
Giving up is like a jump off a cliff. I give up and its like im jumping to my death.
Whens that rope gonna pull me back again. I dont wanna screw my life up this young.
Although i already have. Losing CA, Qiyin, and now him. How perfect can my life get.
I dont ask for your 365 days. I ask for assurance. Im letting go. Not gonna ask anyone out for awhile.
Gonna be bottling up again. Its the better choice, i believe. In two days, 10 breakdowns. I believe is enough.
I dont wanna hurt, i dont care if life is a roller coaster, im getting off this roller coaster. Im facing the damn knife.
My mum wont talk to me now cause she's mad at me for shit. And so is my dad, so that makes everyone.
Perfect, Dawn. See what you have done, Dawn. Screw you, Dawn. I've had enough of you, Dawn.
You screw yourself up. You deserve this. No one's gonna come to your rescue, so just go away, Dawn. Go.

2009-03-29T12:21:00.003+08:00

I cant find the damn strength to stand up, im breaking apart.
Staying at home the whole day isnt helping my emotional breakdown.
From yesterday til today, breaking down nine times isnt helping me much either.
You tell me then dont cry, and its supposed to be easy? Im a girl, my friend.
I have emotions, and i have a heart. They all tell me to be strong. I cant keep on staying strong.
I try, i do. But when i experience something like that, you dont expect me to stay strong, you just dont.
One week, just one week. And we have become this. Tomorrows special, for me.
But maybe it'll be a train wreck. You dont seem to care at all. I wonder if things will change from here.
I wonder what you're thinking about what i said in the previous post, wonder if things will change.
For the past few days, i've been living a nightmare. After speaking with Bernard and hearing what he had to say,
After sitting at the back and looking at the people i sacrificed my life for, after hearing Daniel and what he told me.
I feel like im stuck in a this whirlwind of crazy happenings. I dont know what to do right now.
After reading Charlene & Melissa's blog, it hurts even much more. After you came back, it hurts even more.
Its like everything anyone says right now pierces through my heart, my very alive heart.
Things are screwing up before my very eyes. My life is coming to a halt infront of a threatening knife.
And when im most vulnerable, you're. not. here. I dont wanna irritate you.
I wanna give up.

Its trying to know what i mean to you.

What i wouldnt give for you to be next to me right now.

I wish you understood how im feeling, how much i need someone here.

Wish you know how i do not want to break down.

But its killing me,

From the inside out.

P.S. I need you.

2009-03-29T07:52:00.008+08:00

Unrequited love isnt meant to be.
I dont know what to say, or what to do. As usual, im at a loss for words. And anyway,
Words can barely express how im feeling. A week has gone by in the blink of an eye.
Chaos has taken over my life. The turmoil of feelings i experience everyday.
All i want is a listening ear, and a shoulder to cry on. Or should i say, your listening ear,
Your shoulder to cry on. So much has changed between us since the very first day.
I miss how you would love me despite my inhibitions. I miss how we were sweet. It seems like things are fading.
I hate it when you dont reply me when i tell you how i feel. I hate it when i share my life with you and you dont seem to care.
I hate it when things screw up around me and you're not there. I hate it when i cry and i know that you dont see.
At times, you're cold and indifferent. So much so that i can predict what you're gonna reply. It hurts, big time.
It hurts to know that im not what you are to me. You are my life. I am a part of your life. Thats a big difference.
I said i tend to overlook flaws, but this is just simply hurting too much. I cant read your mind, my dear.
I dont wanna be clingy and a pest, but i just wish i knew you more. You dont share anything with me.
And yet, i open up so much to you. Its not easy, it really isnt. It takes me courage and sheer pain to open up.
But because of how i treasure you, i choose to. I can say that i love you too much. Yes, i believe i can.
Tell me if im saying anything unreasonable here, i will listen. And i will change. Im sorry she's everything im not.
But im very very sure i love you more than she does. Love. My definition is making the person you love smile,
No matter what pains it takes you, no matter how much it hurts you. You love someone, you make him/her smile. Yesterday, a friend shared with me a story of her sister's. Her sister's boyfriend is married,
And yet he chooses to stay with her despite having a wife. And at home, his wife waits up for him every night,
Cooks for him. Asks no questions when he arrives home at 5 in the morning and massages him before he sleeps.
Does she love him to much? I think she does. But she just wants him to be happy, isnt it?
So, are you happy? A question i've asked time and time again.
If it has to be like that, then i'd rather not lose you.
Like the wife; she'd rather keep him by her side than make a fuss about it and lose him all together.
But somehow, there are many things i would like to be able to share with you. Not just the physical things.
It feels like im going out with a stranger, i only know one side of you. And it ends there.
Well, i dont know what to do anymore. Dawn will be Dawn, only knowing how to bottle it up.
I tried, i really really tried. But as cliche as it goes, it takes two hands to clap.

I dare say,

Im easy to love.

Just love me tender and share your life with me.

Am i that hard to love?Y

Take a good look at my face,

You'll see my smile looks out of place.

Yeah, look a little bit closer and its easy to trace,

The tracks of my tears.

I need you, need you.

Outside im masquerading,

Inside my hope is fading,

Just a clown since you put me down,

My smile is my make up,

I wear since my break up with you.

-The tracks of my tears, Smokey Robinson.

2009-03-26T20:34:00.002+08:00

Memories, all alone in the moonlight.

Hey world. Im feeling so melancholic right now. Everything is just starting to hurt hurt hurt. Its very annoying.

Moving on, i just watched I Am Legend, yes i know im a noob! Pfft. Its so freaky, can! Yuck, shouldnt have. ):

But it's quite a interesting story with a ridiculous storyline. Almost cried, but i couldnt, my dad called me crazy.

Well, i think the saddest part was when he had to kill his dog. And also when he decided to give up his life.

That part was very touching, and he's kinda handsome! :/ Im scared now. ): Of zombies! AHHHH, like L4D.

And im watching Dont Forget The Lyrics now! Its a little bit lame. :o Never watched before, YES IM NOOB.

So anyway, school today was cool! Diana Koh called me defensive, i really think i am! Alot of people have said.

She said, 'Suwanie, your hair..' Then i went, 'What i do?!' Then she said, 'I was just about to praise you!'

And yadda yadda. Haha, thats funny okay. But her tone was very you-are-so-screwed and so was her face.

Maybe thats just her natural look&tone. :x Sherlyn agreed with me okay! Haha, the guy on DFTL is singing.

Compared to American Idol? Chickenvoice dude. Pfft, haha. America's got talent! :D Whatever whatever!

Jieyun said she prefers Japanese, asking why does everyone love caucasians, they're just so hot! :/

Sherlyn wants to see the northern lights like me! Northern lights/Aurora. (: Aurora, haha. Miss you guys. ):

I shall not rant about that now! Shush, Dawn, shush. Lemme think more about what happened today..

OH YEA, got to see Sueanne, been long. :D Haha, okay.. Anything else? Doubt it.

Tomorrow am going to watch Shopaholic with JonathanKhoh,Lester,Xunman,Jieyun,Emyi,Younice, etc.

Hope it works well and will be super duper fun! SHOPAHOLIC! Hm, okay, nothing much left to say.

Oh yes, this is for all Hope people. Whenever i talk to you guys, outside, not just on Saturdays,

I feel like theres this bond between us. Something different about the way i talk to you guys, am with you guys.

I dont know if its like that for you, but its like theres this special bond. Like as i was talking to Bernard today,

I saw him at J8, and ran after him like some crazy fan. Which i am not. But yea, theres this bond.

Hm. Hope the bond stays. ): Bye people. Rock on!

Absence makes the heart grow fonder?Y

2009-03-25T21:33:00.002+08:00

This is what happens when you talk to great friends and just chillax. And what happens when you learn how to..

How to upload MSN conversations into BLOGGGERRRR. Im happy now. I think.

Superman is my new love.

2009-03-25T19:24:00.007+08:00

Everything i lived for.
Im done, i am. Looking at all these old pictures make me plain nostalgic and deeply hurt. Char,dearest, i read your blog. I know completely what you're getting at. I know its not worth it, but im choosing to stay with God, not leaving God. This is the first im publicly declaring this, so i should just go on. Im leaving not because you people exclude me, not just because i feel unwanted, constantly being forgotten and all that other stuff i said yesterday. They were true and part of the reasons why im leaving, but theres so much more to why im leaving. I remember the promises i made, the words i said. I know im letting you people down, and i know some people are going the extra mile. Cant you see how hurt and upset i am? Cant you see how broken i am? Cut me some slack, please. I want and need a complete, whole break. I know if im not doing well spiritually, i should stay on and re-fan my passion, and build up on everything again. But this is what i have to say. I Am Fine Spiritually. Im Still As Close To God As Ever.
Im Keeping My Spiritual Maturity.
Note this, when i come back someday, i'll be even more spiritually mature then i am now. Bring th test on.
Im not shitting about this, really am not. I may be not as 'holy' as i was,
but i know who my God is,
I know how real He is, i know whats right whats wrong,
whats God's timing, what's in His Word. I. Know.
My sheep are the only thing that have kept me going when im super super down, now, the CG under me is as well.
But tell me, people, have i lost all these? Yes, i have. Maybe not my sheep but i can keep my sheep close like friends.
But the CG that kept me going, gone. I made that happen to me, so blame me. Yes, okay. Whatever!
Im just very extremely elated that KCP has hit their goals and is finally completed. That makes me content enough.
And right now, im gonna leave. I've had enough, I AM DONE. I miss those people who cared for me,
Those people who cared for me enough to catch me when i fell, to hear my heartfelt thoughts, allowed me to open up.
I miss those talks outside Meridien with Brandon, at Oasis with Brandon, at X29 with Daniel.
It makes me wanna cry, wanna throw a fit, wanna rewind time. Brandon, i remember what you said.
Forever, i will. Remember this? 'Dont give up, xiao jie.' You dont know how awful i feel by giving up.
You're one person that has made a major impact on my life, that made me push myself so hard i cry myself to sleep.
Losing you as my leader, losing the chance of having you lead me when i rise up in leadership, that hurt.
But letting you down, going back on the words i say, that breaks me. So all i can say is, im sorry. Truly deeply.
I hope you read this.
If anyone wants to know why, bananasandcrazylittlenuts-@live.com.sg is where i'll be willing to explain.
Im accountable for each and every of my actions. And im extremely sorry for everything.
To my dearest MOS, i miss you guys so much. Seeing your pictures everywhere without me, my heart just breaks.
Im no longer a part of you guys, so all i can say is that you guys gotta pull up your socks & lead well okay?
People are depending on you. And to the most lovely Impact. The pacts we made, the meetings we had,
I miss them so much. So so very much. Always be sure of your identity and keep those smiles yea.
Okay, super long post. Yea, whatever it is.. I do hope that i'll keep those friends i love so much. ):
So anyway, today had NAPFA, it was fine. And the DM rocks, 3e5 lets petition to change Diana Koh!
Ah, whatever, today was a fine day. Tomorrow will be a better day. Yea, i hope it will.
Bye people. You're gone til Saturday.

What day is it? And in what month?This clock never seemed so aliveI can't keep up and I can't back downI've been losing so much timeWha

What day is it? And in what time?

This clock never seems so alive.

I cant keep out and i can back down.

I've been losing so much time.Y

2009-03-24T21:12:00.011+08:00

IMPACT, Remember this? At all?

Hello. Im feeling super stressed and emotional right now. Dont feel like Dawn at all.
Maybe cause nothing Dawn-ish has been happening nowadays, sigh.
So anyway, shall be a baby later on. (: Today was a pretty fun day!

Class was quiet though.
I did my POA homework. :D And so on and so forth, and Jonathan was called a..
SUCKLING PIG. :D And Sherlyn, a laughing hippo. :B

Sherlyn got so totally punked during reccess.
We pulled off her rubber band, passed it around everywhere.

Threw it around, made her catch, made her jump.
Then, we took her phone, took out the phone, threw the pouch at her,

made her chase around the round table for it.
Then she forgot her wallet,

we passed it to Syahindah and in the end it was returned to her still. Haha, poor thing!
Well, after school, Jieyun skipped netball, AGAIN.

So did many others, haha. We went for lunch at Macs.
All those Sec1's should seriously shit themselves laaaaa, no respect at all.

And the way they stare, my gosh.
I will poke your eyeballs out, i tell you! Pfft.

Anyway, Joyce, Sara, Jieyun, Sherlyn & I headed to Cartel to study.
I ordered the Urban Bread Pudding and we had a good laugh at Cafe Cartel, like seriously. Sherlyn is mad. :/
And Joyce is crazy, Sara is psychotic and Jieyun is plain retarded. :x So yaaaa. Coordinate Geometry test tmr.
Should just throw myself into strong currents and go decompose, pfft. Anyway, today was a fun day, in some ways.
So on my way home, i was thinking.. How much i miss being in MOS, how much i miss the old Impact.
I doubt many of the people will read this but i hope many of you do, i really miss MOS and Impact.
I dont wanna go away, you know? But you people leave me with no choice. I feel so friggin excluded now,
I cant bear to go back. I havent officially left and you guys have stopped messaging about MOS meets,
Who knows i might think it through and choose to pull up my socks?
I havent even officially left and i stopped receiving notice about Impact meets, i havent even officially left and i stopped receiving texts about CAREGROUP.
For goodness sake, im still alive, i still know whats going on, im still here. Yet you guys treat it like im not here anymore.
So i should just go away and stop feeling so hurt, so unwanted. The treatment is extremely unjust and it hurts like crap.
You guys really screw me up sometimes you know. Really. Do.
I wanna keep most friends, shant name, but are you allowing me to hold on to our friendships? Are you?
Think about it, guys. Seriously reflect, have you gone the extra mile to come reach out to me again?
Have you already lost 99.999999999% of hope in my passion coming to flames again by God's Hand?
I think you have. Because i feel so unwanted and not needed right now that i wanna run away even more.
Read this passage well and clear. Get my message in your head. Im not being mean, objective whatever.
Im being truthful. Im so hurt now. I dont feel like a part of anywhere.
I thought i would still be able to feel like im part of MOS and of Impact, to always be a Christ Ambassador.
I feel lost and just simply completely non-existent. The treatment is so exclusive.
Not a part of anywhere. Losing all i have. Is this what its all going down to? I dont even have anyone to ramble to right now. Tell me God, is this what happens? Why aren't you saving me? Take me away, please.

I'll do whatever it takes, to turn this around.
I know what's at stake, i know that i've let you down.
And if you give me a chance, believe me i can change.
I'll keep us together, whatever it takes.
Will all of you just give me another chance?

I mean it when i say ALL OF YOU, not just CA.

Im swearing off singlish!

2009-03-23T18:55:00.004+08:00

Oops, i forgot to update yesterday, or should i say i couldnt. Yea, i couldn't.
Whatever, it was a good time studying with Isaac! I finished up my essay and my POA.
My essay in which i couldn't decide on which, the original or the 'improved', to hand in.
And did i mention that im quite, quite happy with it. (: Or not anymore, i WAS. Til' today.
So anyway, school has once again started. Alot of people had the Monday Blues today. Haha.
The morning was sooooo quiet in class it felt so dead! :/ Anyhow, im so glad i did most of my homework.
Well, yesterday i was watching this show called Dr.90210 and its about people getting plastic surgery, one thing.
PLASTIC SURGERY IS GROSS, DISGUSTING AND PURELY LAME. The surgery is like.. omgsoyuck.
I watched about nosejob, and they had to freaking break her nose and you should seriously watch la! Its. ERR.
I also watched about the most common thing women in Beverly Hills get besides nosejob which i wont mention. (:
Plastic surgery is alteration of your rightful body and it makes you suffer, and fake.. And just plastic laaaa! ):
I dont know laaaaaaa, plastic surgery is just.. omgsofrigginyuckthatiwouldnevertryitinamillionyears, ERRRRRR!
Okay moving on, hahaha, im gonna rant about my personal stuff right now so, parental advisory, explicit content.
Hm, i was reminiscing. about the long ago. And i just think about the many things that i've been through..
Sometimes i think its just too much for a teenager, haha. I feel like im not fifteen at all! Besides the fact that im..
Sec3. -.- But yea, i kinda miss my friends.. Those old friends that i used to hang out with so often. Those that..
I used to text all the time, used to chat with on the phone. And they extremely crazy list of nicknames, haha.
And sometimes, when i catch up a little with some friends, or read their blogs.. I really smile to know that well,
That they're doing well. Some have gone on to serve wholeheartedly, others finding meaning to life, doing well.
Really makes me think how we all have changed and grown. I really do wonder what will it be like when im 21.
Seems so far away, yet i know soon i'll be 21 and look back and say man, time really flies fast.
Right now, im losing friends that i never want to lose, giving up on things that i never thought i would let go of.
Sigh, i kinda miss the old days. I feel like i didnt do alot of things that i should've done, wanted to do, could have done.
Ah, kinda hurts all over again right now. So many people i lost in the midst of trying to hold on to them..
Okay, thinking too much now. Oh, if you dont know i think different, am different, you do not know me. (:
Haha, yadda yaddas. Shall end here for today, my constant rattling is probably bringing you to tears, of boredom.
Bye people. :D

I turn my head to the east, i dont see nobody by my side.

I turn my head to the west, still nobody in sight.

So i turn my head to the north, swallow the pill that they call pride.

That old me's dead and gone but the new me's gonna be alright 'cause,

I've been travelling on this road too long,

Just tryin' to find my way back home,

But the old me's dead and gone.

Will you take me in your arms and swear to love me like i love you?Y

2009-03-22T11:07:00.002+08:00

Cause i would die for you, on Skyway Avenue. ♥
Watched Mall Cop yesterday, ITS DAMN GOOD. Haha, seriously.
I rate it 4.9 stars. ;D Nothings perfect right? (: Its quite quite funny. :D
And Paul Blart is hot, cute and a ball. What a perfect description, :B
And before anything, i kinda need to apologize to Melissa&Joshua. :/
I truly think i lost the you-know-what and im seriously super upset about it.
It ♥ wasnt there, i seriously would've died. Damn, someone help me find it! ):
I feel extremely super duper dumb for having lose that, like seriously.
Where'd it go! ): AHHH. Whatever, i shouldnt be thinking about this now.
I have tons of homework to complete because i decided holidays should be
FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. HAHA. Back to update later! Meeting Kau to studdddyyyyy. :D

2009-03-20T19:31:00.004+08:00

Newly discovered lovely band! Every Avenue! :D They're good, really good.
Makes me want so many albums right now! I truly need some Yusof, urgh! Good news is,
Mom says if i bake stuff for her friend to sell, she's paying me! I get paid for passion! :B
So anyway, im feeling so not me right now, actually, for the past three days.
Or maybe its just the real me. :o Thats interesting, i should really do some soul-searching.
So many things have happened inside me and around me for the past few months,
I really think i've lost myself in this whirlwind of life, dammit, back to my turmoil craze again.
Kinda makes me think of what i've been doing for the past few years, the friends, the life..
I've changed so much, yet so little since my life began, which was 3 years ago, thats how I define it.
The people around me have also been constantly in shift mode, just coming in and going out as and when they please.
Its pretty horrible having to see it happen over and over again, haha, just try being me for a day, feel what i feel.
Im being super self-obsessed now but i dont really care, i want to be self-obsessed right now! Pfft.
And Adha says that what he hates most is my low self-confidence, haha.. Do i really think so little of myself?
Or maybe its just everyone's just that much more awesome then me! I choose the latter. (: I mean seriously,
Everytime i read others blogs, observe others, get to know others more, it seems theres something about them thats so much better then myself.
Even those i cant look at, those that make me cry, those that hurt me, yaddayadda.
Maybe i should move away to a faraway place and start all over again since the people here wont give me a fresh start.
Yea, i wanna do that.. Yea, like a magic carpet would come swooshing through my window and take me away.
You wish, Dawn, you wish. Also, i should learn to stop pushing the blame to others and at times myself.
Damn, lifes getting so much harder. I've really learnt how to give up recently, is that good or bad?
Well, for one of my latest choices, im sorry to all those i've hurt, i have no idea if you guys read my space though.
But really, i am sorry, i know all you guys must've felt something, either joy or sorrow i dont really know about that.
But whatever it is, to all those i love and who love me, im sorry a hundred times over and just to assure you,
Im very sure of what i am doing. Convincing me wont be an easy feat, but i'll listen to whatever you have to say.
I know i seem irresponsible, or maybe i am, and i know it seems like a dumb, unworthy thing to do.
But as always, Dawn will be Dawn, or should i say Suwanie will be Suwanie, im different, always have been.
If you dont know im different, how i think is different, how i feel is different, and my reactions are different,
You dont know me.
Haha, something suddenly blink-ed in my memory! Something Charlenedearest said in my christmas card,
She said, sometimes when i see you smile, i see something sad and difficult happening behind that smile.
Haha, truly truly that surprised me. But i hope from today, that smile will be genuine, aye girl? Haha.
Theres so much i wanna do, so many things i want to say.. But todays not the day.. Although they say,
Any time is the right time. But i say, my time is the right time to do my thing. Yes, God? (:
Oh and lastly, i still believe in God, im holding on to my belief in Jesus, i still believe God's Word.
And my love for God is enough, dont question me about that, thank you very much. No offence, though.
Yea, thats all this humanbeing has to say for today, i hope. Im boring you with my chants right? Poo, okay bye!

Where were you when I needed you most?

Why did you leave me alone?

We gave up before we gave it a chance,

And I don’t understand.

Back to where we left off, baby.

“How you been and what’s been new with you lately?”

Just forget it, it’s the same old runaround.

You build me up just to let me down.Y

2009-03-19T22:17:00.000+08:00

I GIVE UP.
Its called perpetual brokeness.

2009-03-19T21:36:00.003+08:00

This is for you.
I know what im doing wrong, i know i have attitude problems at times but dont you?
Sometimes, not everything is my fault. Now you've got your friends so i mean nothing to you.
Or maybe i never did. Doesnt this seem like a total replay of primary school?
I bet you gossiped about me, bet you hated me way long ago, bet you disliked me more then once.
But you still listened to me, comforted me when i was upset, and still chose to be my friend.
Now, just because i couldnt go out and pangseh-ed you twice cause i couldnt find my keys,
Just because i cant return you the money in time and seem like i use it for other reasons,
You decide to break your friendship with me? Or maybe it was the last straw for us.
I know whatever i say now wont mean anything to you, you never listen anyway.
I just hope this isnt the end, you're probably cursing and swearing at me now, but do it, just do it.
Im speechless and have nothing left to say, just hope you remember the good times.
There were, dont deny that. If this is the end, then it is. Im completely out of words this time.
Last but not least, im sorry, i know it doesnt mean anything to you.

Seems like everybody's breaking up

Throwing their love away.

Even you're not here this time round,

How awesome can i get.

DAWN, YOU FOOKING SUCK.

2009-03-19T15:47:00.003+08:00

HELL-OH BUNNEHS! :D I was just watching American Idol, Season8 OFCOURSE.
And am SOOOOO afraid Adam cant make it! NOOOO ADAAAAAAM! D;
He's seriously hot and he's just damn good, ): But anyway! Haha, i wanna meet him. ):
I wonder what if Singapore Idol's went to join American Idol, i think they'll get kicked out!
HAHAHAHA, im being so mean. D: What to do, Singapore is a lame, lame place. OOPS, just might get sued. :x
AND AND, mama asked me to go work today and she's paying me 3obucks, hahaha! Didnt go in the end, tired.
Sunday maybe, since she says Sunday is 4obucks. :o Kinda need Yusof Bin Ishak's pictures now, haha.
Plus! Tomorrow am meeting MrKau, AuntieOng and KorkorKwek laaa! Gonna spend so much Yusof. ):
Oh! And im falling in love with T.I, HAHA! Oh yea, yesterday went Bugis with Mister, went to this watch shop.
We saw this watch, EXACT imitation of o.d.m, check this out, it says o.d.m. , notice the extra dot, so fake lah!
It was seriously faux pas! It looked so pirated, like, design wise yes, but quality wise it was SOOOO ergh. HA.
Mister wanted to get this super kiddish watch, the one where you just smack it on your wrist and it wraparounds.
It had a cow on it, hahaha! But there wasnt any time, oh and we went HajiLane and saw this super sexy bag!
But then we sorta found out it wasnt for sale, it wasnt bad lor! So sad. ): The bag was sexy laaaaa. Haha!
And i saw a vintagebag and Mister said it looks auntie. ): Should get it for AuntieOng, dont kill me for that. :D
So, oh, yesterday was cool lah! We walked around Bugis, went Bras Basah;Bras Plaza, HA. Inside joke! ;D
No lah, me & ♥♥ were at JustAcia the other day and this guy one the phone behind us was like,
'Now going off ready, going Bras Plaza. Yaaaa, Bras Plazaaaa!' And we went hysterical, he was kinda beng leh!
So anyway, i saw this ULTRA HOT&SEXY GUITAR there, it was HOT PINK! OHMYMAMAAAAA! :O
But it was a bass guitar, something which i just might never learn to play, and there was this other adorable guitar which caught my eye as well,
it was a electric polkadot guitar, so so cute! Too bad i cant play. ):
If i could, i would buy it straight away, if i had Yusofs, haha. Maybe i should learn, HMMMMM. Good thought!
So anyway, we then walked from Bras Basah, i momentarily forgot how to spell it, to DhobyGhaut.
And i saw this extremely hot, sexy, beautiful, confident caucasian women! With her boyfriend, duh. HAHA.
She was like, friggin tall, friggin good figure and blond hair wearing hotpink shorts, literally SHORTS,
Heels, matching hotpink sweater and purple shades, omg she was so mind-blowing, i feel lesbian now, ERM! :/
Okay moving on, we had dinner, saw Faith, went Cathay, found his bag, considered, reserved it, yadda yadda.
Walked around Cathay, walked around Plaza Sing, went home. :D Shared the same liking for certain songs! HA.
Recommend You and me - Lifehouse, its an awesome song, trust me! If not trust MrKau, or Charlene.
Even ♥ says its nice! Haha, coolio right! OHYES! Im falling in love with Lifehouse. :D Mom's back from Thailand!
And she bought this super nice smelling lotion! And perfume, branded Issey Miyake, a french brand, seems coolio!
Whatever, shall update again later. :D Haha, i think. LATER PEOPLE! Adam Lambert is ♥! :D

Adam Lambert is THE SEX. ♥

2009-03-18T13:56:00.005+08:00

Hello jell-ohs! :B What's up peanut butter-z! :D Haha, im so super tired right now. :/
Tiredness truly drives people crazy and random, not that im not random enough already. :B
Woke up at 0430 okay! Earlier then school days, :/ And couldnt go back to sleep.
Was so afraid! Thank goodness ♥ was there, although asleep, hahahaha! :P
Hm, yesterday broke some news to some people and.. classic reactions of course.
Just wanna tell you guys, if you know what i mean that im sorry for what im doing,
But trust me okay? I know what im doing, and i'll be praying with you guys always.
Okay, a little too deep for now, anyway, yesterday was fun! I stayed at home alllllll day. :D
Watched my teevee, my sexy teevee :P, used my sexy golden vaio, goofed around when ♥ came over & teevee!
OHHHH, im gonna be so lateeeeeeeeeeee, supposed to meet Mister later! At Bugis! AHHH LATE LATE,
No not really actually, just freaking myself out, haha. Suddenly thought of something random, I♥Black lenses! :D
And and and and, i sooooo want a iPod! And LG Prada! And i wanna eat pizza right now. ):
Oh, do you pronounce it PIZ-ZA or PIT-ZA, and LASA-NIA, or LA-SAG-NA. Food for thought, literally, :D
Oops, time for me to get ready, BUGIIIISSSSSS, kiss my ass. ): Dont like Bugis, but whatever! :D
Bye people, i rock your socks, no wait, i rock the world! Remember that if you forget my name. HAHA.
Btw, Shawty - Your best girl/guyfriend. :D So cool! Go Jamie Foxx! ♥

I♥ADAM LAMBERT.

Your eyes and those lashes,

They catch my heart and completely mesmerize me.

You leave me breathless every single time.

My haven is in your arms,Y

2009-03-17T20:18:00.002+08:00

Its peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly time, JELLY JELLY. :D
Haha, its damn cute laaaaa, if you watched the clip. :D
Anyway, i think Sherlyns damn sweet laaaaaaa, hahahahaha.
Haha, thank you girl. :D Anyway, hahaha, met up with some friends yesterday.
Jieyun, Isaac, Matthew and Joshua(Kwek), haha, Kwek korkor. -.-
It was fun! And we watched Coming Soon and i was hiding half the movie. :B
And im watching Popeye. OMG LAAA, haha. Anyhow, yesterday was good fun man!
We should really do it again, it was so enjoyable catching up. :D
Its nice to know that you'll always have friends to make your day, haha, whatever it is, horror movies suck. ):
Meeting Isaac&Matthew and some other not confirmed yet this friday as well. :D Hope its gonna rock. :)
Errrrrrr, nothing to blog about, besides the fact that i look like a panda now. ): HAHA.
Okay, BYE JELLO-H's.

You left your footprints on my heart.Y

2009-03-16T12:02:00.003+08:00

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. ):
Times when i need you the very most, you're not there.
My tears hold whats left of us, what we could become.
They say broken hearts can be mended,
But love, it seems its shattering as the days pass.
I miss how you loved me,
Tell me, is this all?
Just take me away, its the perfect thing to do right now.

Who doesnt long for someone to hold,

Who knows how to love you without being told.

2009-03-09T21:45:00.002+08:00

Im torn apart, losing control.
Trying to hold on as tight as i can.
Clenching my fists tight, on what i love.
My pain, set free by tears and sobs.
Its hurting so so much, and theres no one here right now.
Just the thought of losing and the lost,
I spin into a downward spiral of excruciating pain.
Knowing how much you mean to me, you chose to do it this way.
Failing myself by bottling it all up, like a helium balloon.
But would i soar into the air or burst?

It hurts to see it this way.

You, her, I, them.

I never wanted it to be this way.

I never want it to be this way.

But i dont have a say,

I dont have a stand.

All i have is you, her, them.

Not anymore..

Not anymore.

2009-03-08T18:48:00.003+08:00

Hell-oh monkeys, donkeys, wonkeys, lonkeys, pokeys, hokeys, ohkeys. :B
Havent been touching this space for quite a few days, huh.
But i still think people dont read this space anyway, so its an empty, cobwebby space.
Anyway, yesterday was a great day, because of you, them, him, her, idontknowwhatimsaying.
Okay, indeed yesterday was a great day. (: ♥ is the best. :D
And the outside of Flyer is really really nice, it feels so not-singapore, but its like..
Surrounded by construction sites. And there are manymany stars! So so cool, so so cool!
'Improvise people, i havent changed my outfit in like, four hours!' Brenda Song, haha.
So anyway, celebrated an advanced Sara's birthday on friday and it was quite fun, haha. We towned! Sorta. :/
We were supposed to meet at 23o, but i left my house at 23o, haha. So they headed down to Heeren first.
Met them at Jack's Place and they all ordered student meals, forsaking their cocktails and such! Haha.
And i ordered my peach ice cream and shirleytemple mocktail. (: Pictures next time! :D
I do not like Shirley Temple. ): Bloody Mary is nicer, haha. And i so wanna try Cosmopolitan, ANYHOO.
When they finished their food and icecream, me&Jieyun faked that we had plans and left first.
We went to get her a cupcake and get the E2 Chamber room ready for Ms.Birthday's arrival.
We waited damn long, in darkness, for them lah! And the dumb automatic airfreshner scared us! Haha, noisy.
So when they arrived, they pushed Sara into the room and we sang her a birthday song she made her wish. :D
Oh! And Joyce said i look 21, i so do not lah! 21 is so overrated. So anyway, we watched..
10 Promises to my dog, it was a pretty sad story, and Joyce was sobbing like whoknowswhat, and we were laughing at her. :/
Too bad Brenda didnt cry, i would've loved to witness that! :D
So basically, thats about it.. It was a pretty fun day, i must say, :D The room was cosy. ;D
Right now, im feeling so down. ): Man, i should learn to not have moodswings.
And im missing so many people right now. ): I miss you! And you, and you.. you, and you! And you.. and you.
Shut up, Dawn.

I love you,

Just three simple words.

I used to think they were so overrated.

But now i know.Y

2009-03-04T20:31:00.004+08:00

Its this balancing act that we all do every single day of our lives.
Its this, keeping our lives in perfect balance, the way we want it to be.
Its a crazy fetish everyone does, conciously or subconciously.
People balance their work, their emotions, their time, their expressions even.
Their feelings are balanced out, hidden and shown in bits and bursts at times.
What is this crazy act of pretence for, are we not all just human beings?
We all feel, we all suffer, we all experience, be it joy, exuberant moments or those times where the worlds seems black.
Ironic, isnt it? Some people walk with their heads held high, but inside they're rotten, hurt, corrupted.
Others walk with their head downcast, and people think.. She's sad, she's feeling insecure. He's disappointed.
But inside, they could be having the most beautiful time of their lives. In my intepretation anyway. :D
They could be having a conversation in their heads, or reliving their sweetest memories and just reminiscing.
Sometimes, people should see beyond whats outside. Not just judge by the way things seem to be.
I think, hard, and all my life, i have not known more then two people who truly understand and see me inside out.
People just do not see what is beyond that smile, whats in those eyes, whats in those hidden meaning.
Whats between those lines.
All people focus on is image, is impression; which is no doubt important but irrelevant at this moment, and yadda yadda.
Sometimes, i think why did my parents marriage fail.. And i think its ego, i think its failure to communicate&compromise.
I do believe that my mother still longs for time to turn back to those days of courtship, but for my father im not so sure.
Hm, come to think of it im so thankful for my Dad, he's been awesome to me all my life.. despite fits at times.
Ehhhhh, yadda yadda wordy wordy post, very very wordy.. Hm, so whatever it is, this post is relevant to me! :D
And i LIKE IT. (:
So anyway, i so want GossipGirl's first and second season! Ah! Why am i not wealthy, filthy rich. ): I wish! Ha.
So many things i wanna do! Like what ♥ said.. LOL. Reverse Bungee Jumping, Flyer, Ice-skating, blading..
And the list will go on, like shopping; every girls need, and er, Haji Lane, and er whatever laaaaaaa! :D No more!
Eh, i just thought of something. ♥♥; Dont be afraid to say what you think, dont be afraid to initiate conversation.
It was tough to see you that upset this morning, my dear. Everyone has a reason for doing things, just clear up the air. (:
I'll always be here for you! Cross my heart and swear to die. :B Love you!
Alrights, so.. ONE LAST THING! ~~IM GONNA MURDER THAT IDIOT WHO WENT TO REPORT MY EZLINK~~
I was trying to go through my happy morning routine today so i went through it AND,
At the MRT station when i tapped my card, the red light came on and it said invalid card!
SO, i made my way to the Passenger Service where the idiotman who was rude, not helpful and irritating told me
That.. my card was reported lost, thus blacklisted and not eligible for use and asked me to go to the damn
Ticket Office so i had to PAY EXTRA for not doing ANYTHING at all for my transport.
AS IF SINGAPORE ISNT EXPENSIVE ENOUGH YOU TOOTHEADS! ANNOYINGIRRITATING! ):
I was really really pissed, with the probableIDIOT who reported MY card lost and i had to waste moolah.
And with the AWFULANNOYINGIRRITATINGRETARDEDRIDICULOUS SERVICE!
Spoiled my morning. I swear right, if i ever find out who's the LOSER who reported my card lost right!
I'll send him to Timbaktu in a box with ONE hole and WORMS inside in a SHIP then i'll SHIP him back,
Take him out of the box, put him at Victoria Concert Hall in a NEON YELLOW LIME TUTU and make him do the HOCKEY POKEY! AND THE MACARINA! Then, i'll put him on a cold metal table and cut him into tiny pieces and turn him into SHEESHKEBAB then i'll send him to the cannibals in the
Bermuda Triangle!
Sheeshkebab, GRR! Okay, sorry for the explicit content but im REALLY pissed at that person or whatever.
Ha. :D So whatever! Im going away away away away away away, enough Dawn enough. BYE. :B

You always chose to stay.

I should be thankful for everyday.

Heaven knows what the future holds.

Or at least where the story goes.

But i never believed until now.

2009-03-03T20:52:00.002+08:00

Hello world. :D Today was a funny, happy day! KwokFeng locked MrsLoy out! (:
And she said she didnt wanna teach our class, DONT LOR, we dont want you either. (:
Eh, had lunch with Joyce, Sherlyn, Jieyun, Binhui, Brenda and Sara, who has a cute brother.
Hahaha! :D And i think everyones cramming for POA but me. ): Haha!
Oh im so so happy! I saw a rainbow yesterday! For the first time! With ♥! So pretty.
And and and todays Inequalities test, the only question i did out of the three, i got it correct! :D ♥
And i ALMOST passed my Biology test on Diffusion and Osmosis. (: 12/25, half a mark. (: And for F&N,
I got 24/35 and i didnt study. :D Not that i didnt study is a good thing but it just means im so clever, carbon brains. (:
Today is such a happy day and i really got to think alot while being alone, being alone is fun. :D Its nice, and chill.
I really dont know what else to type but that Someone up there and someone right here is taking good care of me.
I love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. ♥

Please stay sweet, my dear.

2009-03-01T21:28:00.002+08:00

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle

Life is a maze and

Love is a riddle

I don't know where to go

I can't do it alone, i've tried.

and I don't know why
I am just a little girl

lost in the moment

I'm so scared but don't show it

I can't figure it out

it's bringing me down I know

I've got to let it go

And just enjoy the show

This shall be my trademark picture whenever im feeling _____.

Well, i just studied today, can you imagine it? I STUDIED.

And i understood, inequalities, you dont know how happy i am, suckers.

I really hope i can do my test tomorrow, i really worked hard, i did.

I know im easily distracted and love to draw and doodle, but its my way of destressing.

Believe me, guys, i did do my best today as you were coaching me.

I really appreciate the effort, i really do, i do hope my results tomorrow will make you proud.

I swear, i did my best today, i swear.

Well, whatever it is, i really hope that tomorrow will be a better day.

Im feeling so melancholic right now, im loving so much right now it hurts. ):

2009-02-28T22:41:00.012+08:00

They say diamonds are a girls best friend, is it true? Or is Converse a girls best friend? (:

Hello world. :D One sentence, one cooolioooo sentence, CLARKEQUAY ROCKS. (:
Went to Clarkequay with Charizard, Meowlissa and Matthew around evening. (:
Headed to Starbucks and had a great time chatting and just chilling out. :D Fun fun fun.
Then, rolled over to the Singapore River, and just sat there for a little while to just relax.
It was a great time of bonding and chilling, really had fun with the laughs and the toot yourselfs. :D
OH RIGHT! I so freaking wanna watch Marley and me. D: D: D: And im so freaking hungry right now.
I could eat a horse. :) Beware all you ponies! I will tear of your tails and swing them like a f-reak. :D \m/
And and and, the crazy donut place at Meridien closed down. ): So sad. D: No more donuts. :/ Awwwww.
'Sweet mama from Yokohama, that is good!' Okay, bye. :D

A kiss in the rain.

2009-02-28T11:58:00.003+08:00

Theres a feeling i cannot decipher.
This pain, somewhere, that makes me wanna scream.
That part where it just hurts and makes you wanna cry.
Out of random.

2009-02-26T21:56:00.002+08:00

Today was a really fun day. (: Quite alot of things happened, though.
Hm, nothing much to post about really.
But i really loved today. Thats about it i guess, such a lame lame post.
I should post a little more than that right! Ergh, well.
Today i learnt to be myself, i learnt to let down my gaurds and be myself.
It feels nice, it feels.. different, to be myself.
Maybe i've not let my gaurds down for so long i've built a wall and swore off reality, ha.
Whatever it is, im glad today happened, im glad love exists.

Im holding on tightly,

Even if we turn to dust,

I'll keep all that dust in a box.

You mean more to me then i ever realized.

If we ever turn into sand,

I'll try my best to hold as much of us as possible.

Even if we fade away,

I know i'll love you.